Story Overview:

EShy Moon

• MLP: FiM
• Romance

A chance meeting one night between Fluttershy and the Princess of the Night leads a certain shy mare down a path she had never thought she would tread.

• Fluttershy
• Luna

Greatazuredragon · 5.5k words  ·  39  2 · 984 views

This review may contain some spoilers. I’d recommend reading the story first, then coming back to read this. You’ve been warned.

Shy Moon is a story that explores the interesting relationship between Fluttershy and Luna during a meeting in the Gardens during the Grand Galloping Gala toward the end of Season 1. The story starts out similarly to the show, in following Fluttershy into the Gardens where she can meet the exotic animals that call it their home. Rather than the excitement of her plight that appears in the episode, this story involves Fluttershy meeting with Luna.

Based on their mutual discomfort among the crowds of the Gala, the two decided to spend time in the Gardens. After their meeting, Luna offers to introduce Fluttershy to the animals. Because of their familiarity with the Princess, the animals come to meet Fluttershy, and the two of them spend the rest of the night in the gardens.

The story continues on through a few smaller scenes, each of which involves Fluttershy and Luna meeting in different scenarios. In each scenario, the characters get a little more comfortable with each other. While I’ll refrain from spoiling the story further here, I will go ahead and say that this story is marked with “Romance” and leave it at that. If anything, here has caught your attention, then go read the story. Seriously, it’s adorable, and there will be slight spoilers ahead. You've been warned twice now.

Grammar/Spelling ( 9/10) :

Let’s get this one out of the way first. There are a few issues with spelling and grammar here or there. They’re usually simple misspellings or typos. In the 5000+ words, I counted maybe two or three, and even then, nothing that would take a reader out of the story.

Now that I’ve gotten my English Teacher opinion out the way, we can move on to the plot.

Plot (9.5/10):

For such a short story, I’m impressed how much the author is able to convey. Within the first scene, the author has established a relationship between these two characters more effectively than some novels I’ve read.

This story is told from Fluttershy’s perspective. In the first scene, when she stumbles into Luna in the Gardens, she is smitten with the Princess instantly. From there, the story launches into a dialogue that paints a decent portrait of each character. While we will discuss that later in the “Character” section, the characterization does serve an important point here, too.

Despite the differences in their station, Luna and Fluttershy both share a dislike of crowded places, and both tend to identify as more of an outcast or introvert. This establishes a bit of common ground between these radically different characters and allows them to bond in such a short time. And, most importantly, provides a great starting point for a blooming romance.

Truthfully, the way the characters and their romance are portrayed is exactly how I’d expect it to play out between two such characters. It’s rather obvious to the reader that the two of them have feelings for one another, from Fluttershy’s embarrassed reaction, to Luna’s constant comforting of the nervous pony. Except, they are both terrified to take the first step.

While the story only really shows Fluttershy being a nervous wreck, the reader also gets the feeling that Luna doesn’t really know how to handle things either. However, where Luna is able to at least pretend act like she’s unphased by it, Fluttershy is adorably terrified. She’s constantly tongue-tied and unable to voice her own opinions. As someone who took two years to confess to their crush, I definitely can relate with her struggle. With a surprising twist at the end that finally kicks the romance into the open, the story ends on a lovely note that honestly made me enjoy this ship far more than I’d ever believed I could.

However, there is one issue I have with this story. And it is quite a small issue. In fact, it may only be an issue for me, as it’s something I tend to look for in stories. In particular, the issue I have is the lack of setting. Let me explain.

I’m of the firm belief that a story needs to set a scene. What’s going on around the characters while they’re talking? Is it cold? Hot? Dark? What sounds and scents are in the air? This might sound like a rather inane thing to nitpick about, but it can be an overlooked feature in many stories. From what I understand, most readers form the scene in their heads as they read. Well, if there is a lack of setting details, that image can be difficult to form and can make the story difficult to visualize.

And that’s not to say that the story is devoid of setting. There are a few details thrown in here and there that do create a vivid images of the story, such as a description of the garden in the beginning. It’s entirely possible that I may be the only one with this issue, as it is something that I personally like to play with in my own writing.

Let me be clear. No matter what I say, the issues cannot compare to what the author does right. The setting is only a minor feature and isn’t too important in the grand scheme of this piece. What is important is the characters. And Greatazuredragon does not disappoint.

Characters (10/10)

Let’s tackle these characters one at a time . . .

Fluttershy (10/10):

I like Fluttershy. Though she’s never been my favorite character, she is definitely high on the list. She’s a shy pegasus that loves animals and relies on her friends to overcome her fears and anxieties. And the author brings that exact same quality to this version of Fluttershy. The story begins with her trying to escape a crowd because she’s uncomfortable there. When she talks to Luna, she’s constantly embarrassed or nervous. But even with all those issues, she does what needs to be done and even ends up overcoming all of these problems toward the end of the story. She’s adorable. She’s shy. She’s a perfect representation of the pony that countless fans have loved.

Luna (10/10):

For being a main character of the story, Luna’s half of the relationship is a little sparse. Of course, this is simply a side-effect of the story being from Fluttershy’s perspective. Even with the Princess of the Night’s limited interactions, a strong character is still able to break through. She’s confident and powerful, but also fragile and gentle at the same time. She’s a princess of Equestria that has spent much of her life ruling alongside her sister. At the same time, she also has a sinful past that haunts her. These two halves combine into a character that is regal, yet always has an air of loneliness around her. This clashes well with Fluttershy. These two characters enjoy being lonely together. As for Luna herself, she is capably written here as a powerful Princess just looking for a friend. Well done, overall.

Angel Bunny (10/10):

Angel is a very minor character in this story. However, he is also the catalyst that kicks the climax of the story into gear. While many debate Angel’s character, I feel that he is necessary for Fluttershy sometimes. He forces her to confront her fears in order to push past them. And that’s exactly what he does here. He’s the one who convinces Fluttershy of her feelings and encourages her to fight her fears and take a chance on love. Though only a minor character, he plays an important role as the driving force behind Fluttershy, a role that the author has placed him into exceptionally well.

Overall Characterization (10/10):

With only three characters, it’s important that each one of them is done well. And this author nails each of them almost perfectly. They’re written in a way that is true to their character, but also adapts them well to the role they have to play in the story. If the show’s staff were to write an episode about this romantic partnership, I imagine it would play out incredibly similarly to this story. And that’s more than I can ask from most stories.

Total Score:

Grammar/Spelling: 9 / 10

Plot: 9.5 / 10

Characters: 10 / 10

Final: 28.5 / 30 ( 9.4 / 10 )

Final Thoughts:

This is a short, simple romance story between two lonely little ponies. Despite that, the story is exceptionally well crafted and it’s obvious that the author is either incredibly skilled or put quite a bit of effort into this story. Or both. Probably both. Either way, I quite enjoyed the story and would definitely recommend it, whether you’re a fan of this particular ship or not. And be sure to give props to the author if you do. They deserve it.

<For archive purposes: 9.4/10>

7423609
Shy Moon is literaly my first foray into writing a Romance, most of my work tends towards Adventure and Comedy, and so I was a bit nervous about it. I put a lot of effort to try and make the story solid and believable, and to keep everyone in character. So hearing that I succeded was awesome.

So thanks a lot for the kind words.

7423799
No problem. Keep up the good work!