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By Perfectly Insane

Summary:
Jason has never been a very social person, nor had many close friends, girlfriends, or anything like that. He is okay with this though, as he has never really needed anyone.
Now, he is moving to a new town, alone. He's never known any of his family, nor had anyone to keep in touch with, so this is a big step for him. Sure he is somewhat of a loner, but he didn't feel this a bad thing.
Then he meets a new girl in his new school that changes everything. The only problem he sees is she is overzealous. Even worse, she is dead set on breaking him out of his shell, in whatever way she can.

Note: As of writing this review, the story is still incomplete, so I am writing from the view of reading the first '12' chapters (a few chapters are 2 parters) so anything that comes after that will not apply here.
My first thoughts:
I wasn't entirely sure of the story at first, as the 'average joe' OC character has been done a little too often, but the more I read the more I got into the story and seen it for the fun read it was! It is still incomplete, but we have gotten through quite a few mile markers in the story already that show the emotions and troubles our main character and the rest go through. This story contains a fair amount of clop as well, though the clop is not the main topic of the story, but a strong subplot. Spelling/Grammar could use a little work, more so in the earlier chapters than the latter, but overall not bad.

Did I like it?: Yes, I did! There was plenty to like here, from the characterization of our canon characters and main OC to the plot and how Perfectly explains how Diane came to be. The sex was also well written, especially from what I understand to be Perfectly's first clop story!

What did I not like:
There were times where Jason seemed out of character for what had already been established, such as when he is telling Pinkie and the Gang about his strange encounter the night before. With how shy and awkward around girls he was already shown to be, it just didn't seem like the right time to pour out his soul on this. For shy people like Jason, one usually hides a lot of their inner feelings or at least doesn't tell them to people who are still practically strangers. I also wasn't sure about the style Perfectly did Jason's thoughts, which are written as one might do on a Discord server when rping, with *'s at the start and finish of each thought. While this is just a style preference, it did throw me off.

Heart/Setting:
Perfectly did well in setting things up for this story, from where we see Jason meet Diane in an alleyway at midnight, and their first interactions, to when he meets Pinkie Pie and the gang the next day as he starts school at Canterlot High. The setting felt like an upper teen/adult version of the Equestria Girls world: darker, grimmer at times, and dealing with issues that we obviously don't see in a 'show made for kids', but it worked well for what was set up.
With this, came the heart of the story. Not only are Diane and Pinkie dealing with a lot of dark feelings and pasts, but Sunset Shimmer also has some of her own problems we learn of, like how she is trying to quit smoking by eating candy cigarettes. Our main character Jason is there for both Pinkie and Diane to help deal with their problems, bringing all three closer together. We really feel for what the girls are going through, and have been through in the past that brought them to this point. Quite solid here I would say, even had some times I teared up for the poor girls.

Characterization- As this is NOT meant for younger audiences and the mane seven here are aged up (for the sex part of the plot) the ones we get to know of canon characters (Namely Pinkie and Sunset and Pinkamina Diane) plus a little of the rest of the mane seven, have changed from their canon selves, but still hold close to their core values, like AJ with her honesty.
Pinkie is done very well, sticking to that almost annoyingly happy/perky part of herself we love in the show, though we see the underside of her facade here also. This is one thing I really like about the darker/sadder kind of Pinkie fanfics, seeing that like anyone, she isn't happy all the time, she has problems that break her down as much as you or I. She is just good at masking the hurt, as she cares about others so much she would rather see them happy. This especially comes true with Jason's relationship with Diane. Pinkie just wants him to be happy.
Sunset Shimmer, though a minor major character, I feel is probably still the closest to her canon self. She always felt 'older' than the rest in the movies, more streetwise, and the same is so here. She's been through a lot and is now trying to help Jason and Pinkie get through the hardships they are facing. Her levels of helping Jason find out what is wrong with Pinkie go the way I could see them going in the movies/shorts, (if they were written for an older audience).
Jason, our main character, does have some of the cliche problems we see in human in Equestria type fanfics, where he easily makes friends with the mane seven or is just the 'average joe' before he meets the girls. He also slips out of character at times, as mentioned above when he is telling the girls, who he just met, about his first interaction with Diane, when it has already been shown he is shy and awkward around girls and other people in general. Even with this, he is a character I can care for thanks to his imperfections -he messes up plenty with Diane and Pinkie at critical moments in their relationships for one example- he is no Gary Stu! His love and care for Pinkie and Diane are felt within his words and I can get behind that.
Diane, who I won't go into too deeply to avoid spoilers, is also well done. I can see her character coming about with the conditions she had to deal with, and how she dealt with them- poorly- just adds that much more to her character. The fact she wants to buck Jason because he is not like other guys, and she feels an almost instant connection to him, adds to that salty sad tang of her life and just makes me want to wrap her up in a big hug!

Story/Concept:
I can say for sure I haven't seen one quite like this before. Sure, we've seen Pinkie hooking up with some random OC plenty of times, but this one has a unique twist that I haven't seen in other clop fics/stories like this. The story is dark at times, and sweet, spicy sexy, with plenty of sad moments that just make you want to hug the poor characters! This is one of those clop fics that is just as much about the story as it is the clop, which is something I really love. Sure a straight to sex one is nice, but having a story and helping me connect to the characters on a deeper level than just sex is something I wish more 'clop fics' did. This one even really fits the romance tag as well, because of that. I get a real feel for the characters, the issues they are dealing with, and want them to resolve them and be able to be happy in the end.

Spelling/Grammar:
This is where I do have a problem. The spelling and grammar were not too bad, I've seen much worse, but they did make me pause and think a few times. Be it an oddly worded sentence or a strange tone for a sentence. My best advice for this would just be to have another person go through the story and help point these out to Perfectly. Though, it isn't the biggest concern as I said I've seen much worse!

Sex/Intimacy:
For this being Perfectly's first time with sex/romance scenes, I feel they did very well here. The sex is well detailed and worded emotionally. One can almost feel like they are there watching the act as the two have their intimate moments. The strength of their hearts and feelings and care for each other is well shown and sexy in a more fulfilling, intimate, loving way than just randomly bucking some total stranger. It was clear that the author spent a great deal of time making sure these scenes were done just as they wanted them and the story called for, I don't think I would change a thing with these scenes as they make the entirety work!

Final Thoughts:
Perfectly has crafted a well-written piece so far here. Sure it has its problems and cliches, which do mar the story, but I would say it is worth reading especially if, like me, you like a lot of good story with your sexual, intimate scenes! The characterization is well done for the type of story it is. They feel real and like this could really happen to them in their situations. I really liked the twist this story has to what might otherwise be considered a cliche tale. (The twist is obvious to us audience members, but seeing it unfold for the characters are some emotional, riveting scenes.) All in all, I'm really liking what I see so far and hope Perfectly will continue to the end!

Heart: 8/10
Characterization: 8/10
Story/concept: 8/10
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10
Sex/Intimacy: 9/10
Overall: 8/10

"<For archive purposes: 8/10>"

I'm...speechless, this is much more praise than I'd ever expect to get. The grammar I kind of thought would happen. The reason it gets better later is due to the editors I now have for the story, who have been a great help in me properly getting across some of the things I want to and fixing typos. While I also do agree there are times Jason feels out of character, and I think I could have handled that better, I feel its a problem I more or less fix as the story progress. I can at least say with confidence nothing like the cafeteria scene happens again.

I will also mention that the same thing was brought to my attention about using * for thoughts, and I've shifted it over to ~ for that exact reason. I honestly did not see any problems with it until one of my editors mentioned it to me.

Thank you so much for doing this review, and I am exceedingly happy you enjoyed the story so much! As of right now, I plan on three more chapters, and I will be finishing this story.