Review of "A Dragon's Gem" by Mechawrecker - Reviewers' Mansion

Stinium_Ruide #1 · Nov 9th, 2020 · 3 · 1 ·

Ahoy there! I finally finished moving my things into the Reviewer’s Mansion. I finally got my station fixed up and ready to go…I think? Well, just kindly ignore the bags and suitcases behind me, okay? Sigh, it’s such a mess, it’s so painful for me to even look at it! Why did Snow Heart need to give me a room on the second floor?!

Alright, let’s begin! A Dragon’s Gem by Mechawrecker will be the first story I will be reviewing in the reviewer’s mansion. Without further ado, let’s give this piece a read!

TA Dragon's Gem

After being banished from the Dragonlands, Garble wanders alone before meeting a stony mare that fills more than his physical hunger.

Mechawrecker · 2.2k words · 26 1 · 693 views

Summary

Banished from the land of the dragons, an exiled Garble prowls around in hopes of taking revenge on those who wronged him. As he scrounges for food on the outskirts of civilization, he encounters Maud Pie. How will the interaction between Maud and Garble, if any at all, play into Garble’s attitude of mind?

Content/Plot Analysis

I think it will be most convenient for me to discuss about the two main characters of the piece right off the bat as this piece heavily features both of them and the dynamics that exist between the two. For such piece, the characterization of the personalities is of paramount importance for the immersion of the reader into the universe. While the author has shaped up a decent level of characterization for the two personalities in the piece, I believe that the characterization could have been more developed to allow the reader to empathize with the characters in the piece, especially Garble.

Let’s begin with Garble. Granted, the description of the story does explain that he was banished from the land of the dragons, but the piece doesn’t go into foreshadowing his banishment, as I understand that Garble was only humiliated during the Gauntlet of Fire. In any case, I felt that some reference to the events that befell on Garble prior to the state he was currently in would benefit the piece by showing the level of hatred and to bring out a level of empathy within the reader.

Additionally, the piece could have accentuated the level of anger and hatred Garble was in when he was trying to stumble into one of the mines he needed for his sustenance. Yes, the author does convey Garble’s anger at the start of the story, in Garble’s dialogue and actions, but I felt that it was rushed and convenient due to the lack of what was formerly discussed in the previous paragraph as a so-called backdrop to elaborate upon the justification for him feeling this way. This would allow the reader to step into him in a more wholesome manner, I feel.

Now, let’s take a look at Maud. I liked the author’s attention to the word choice to describe how neutral or indifferent Maud was even though the situation was depicted to be perilous. It is a great, subtle way to showcase the character that is Maud other than her typical mannerisms, deadpans and actions. I think the author has done justice to Maud’s character throughout the piece depicted. Nicely done!

Another thing that I would like to comment on the interaction Garble and Maud had together. I was somewhat surprised that Maud wanted to befriend Garble by offering him shelter and food, despite him nearly stealing her hard day’s work of mining. I wished that there was some foreshadowing to explain and convince the reader to why Maud would do so, as I found it somewhat difficult to persuade myself that Maud would be so ready to befriend Garble. This is especially when one considers the crime Garble committed. I feel that a greater amount of foreshadowing would help to justify this, and add to the characterization too.

However, I would like to say that this piece does put forth a very interesting view on how things could have potentially transpired should Maud interact with Garble. The conclusion is especially fascinating as I liked how the author subtly painted the scene to what actually happened in the end. Showcasing how the the ruby Maud gave Garble to consume was her first find was certainly not insignificant, and it definitely indicates how genuine Maud was to extend a hoof of friendship to Garble in spite of the situation. Her implicit actions in the ending played a role in conveying how she felt after the before-mentioned experience. Interestingly, the author leaves the piece open for the reader to consider the potential ramifications or even the events that would follow after this, which is intriguing.

Flow

Notwithstanding with the above, I think that the story came across logically and cogently throughout. However, as discussed prior, the condensing of some of the ideas that tied the story together resulted in some of the emphasis and significance to be diluted somewhat, which reduced the accentuation of the plot.

Language

I failed to find any significant language errors in the piece. With apt paragraphing, good word choice to convey Maud’s character and a decent portrayal of the scene, the language and writing style for this piece is effective.

Stance

This is a read that I definitely enjoyed, though I wished that the characterization of Garble was more sharply built up. Anyways, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I’m more than happy to talk about your story.

Content/Plot: 5.5/10
Flow/Communication: 6.8/10
Language/Readability: 8/10
Overall: 6.8/10

Argh, where’s my ink reservoir? I can’t believe I ran out of ink! I need that for my next review! It must be in one of these bags somewhere…

Actually, never mind…I have an idea. Let me write this real small.

“SNOW! Can I borrow some ink please? I’ll give headpats…!”

Mechawrecker