TAs The Lights Go Out

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Sad

Trixie begins to have second thoughts about her dream job.

• Alt. Universe
• Trixie
• Starlight Glimmer

Northguard · 1.1k words · 540 views

This Review contains SPOILERS. Proceed with caution. 

Summary: Trixie has her dream job. She’s the magician of the most popular circus in Equestria, but it came at a terrible cost. She had to say goodbye to Ponyville and her friends. She had her days of glory but she’s not happy anymore. Her smile is fake, she’s wearing a mask. She is being torn apart on the inside while her mask begins to crack. It’s no longer a dream job, it’s torture. Then one day during a show, a familiar face shows up.

Initial thoughts: This story is about Trixie going through a rough time with her job at a circus, and how she is sad with the consequences of her actions. Now while I can see the appeal of this story, as it explores a side of Trixie we don’t often see. The story itself feels flat. The emotions within aren’t conveyed well enough for me to truly care about Trixie’s struggles, and the execution of the same generic descriptions didn’t help the piece any. While it is not necessarily a bad story overall, I feel there is much work to do to make this more emotional, to have more impact on the reader. I will discuss this further below.
6/10

Heart of the story: Trixie is our main character, but she’s also the “star” of this story. The whole reason this story exists is to show us a side of her we don’t really get to see in the show, or at least I believe that is what the author was going for. However, Trixie doesn’t feel like Trixie. She feels generic, moppy, and just honestly bland. I couldn’t see why the writer really chose Trixie other than simply wanting to write about Trixie. Trixie is an over the top character in all that she does, and this doesn’t do her justice. The plot itself doesn’t really help her either. Overall, it’s just disappointing to see the lack of genuine emotional storytelling, that could help make this piece a classic.
5/10

Characterization: Trixie is our main character and our focus. And Trixie doesn’t feel like Trixie. I understand the circumstances of the piece are going to make her a bit different from the outspoken Trixie we usually see, but Trixie is blunt, Trixie is arrogant. Trixie is the best mare that there is, so for Trixie to act like the “sad clown” archetype for the sake of the plot feels cheap, and forced. Trixie could literally be replaced by well any pony, and the story would be no different.
4/10

Story/Concept: The story here is that Trixie left Ponyville to pursue her dream job, and apparently this is as a circus performer, it doesn’t state where they are located, only that it’s far away from Ponyville. A clear location to just how far away could have made for a more interesting dynamic for how long Starlight travels to see Trixie. The plot is fairly simple. Trixie is sad that she can’t see her friends due to her job, but this is what she has always wanted, to be admired by thousands of ponies that come to watch her perform, so why is she sad? The answer is fairly simple and the the execution of the “why” is told to us through very telly narration, and told in descriptions in a very bland way.

Example: "To be honest, this job lost its magic long ago. I've been wearing a false smile on more shows than I can count. But now.....my mask is cracking. I can't keep it up much longer Starlight. It's tearing me up on the inside. I want the torture to end, but nothing I do helps." Trixie said as tears began to flow once again.

Here we learn what we already knew precisely from the descriptions, that Trixie is sad, Confessing this to Starlight is good, but I feel it could’ve been conveyed in a more deep, genuine emotional tone. This just feels “cheap” to me. Like it’s not going full boar with hitting you with the feels. Even though I am not really a fan of “sad” as a genre, when you are writing sad, emotional, traumatic stories, you need to make your reader care. You NEED to make them cry, and sympathize with what is going on here, and this just doesn’t do that. It isn’t bad per say, just generic.

5/10.

Originality/Execution: The originality here isn’t really that original. The whole aspect of having a character like Trixie go through a hard time to convey a sense of sadness, and emotional trauma, as well as struggling through forcing smiles, is what always reminds me of the classic, sad clown. Clowns are supposed to be happy. Trixie is supposed to be happy, but she aches deep within. It’s not the most original idea out there, but using Trixie to convey it, is bold.

The execution however is needless to say lackluster. What do I mean? It’s generic. There’s not enough emotion in here to make me care for Trixie and her struggles. I want to care, and I want to route for her to have a happy ending, but the telly dialogue, and the repetitive use of certain phrases like “smiling” “sad” “Trixie was sad” are all very basic levels of “Show don’t tell.”

SHOW me Trixie visibly flinching away from Starlight, have her turn her head in shame, and show us the anguish she feels. Simply telling us “Trixie is sad'' doesn't hold as much weight, and makes the author feel like they dont’ really know how to convey their message in a deep, genuine, and gut-punching way.

6/10

Overall thoughts and feedback: I am going to be honest, I expected this story to make me cry, but it didn’t. This story just disappointed me in being a bland, generic sad story about Trixie, that doesn’t really accomplish much by the end of it. When writing a story, think about how best to convey this message to your readers, and make them care. Ultimately, this story is just “okay” I can’t say it’s bad, oh no, there are far far worse stories I’ve suffered through. But “okay” stories could be great stories if given the chance to grow. Keep writing.

Final score: 6+5+4+5+6=26/50

Headpat worthy:
Boop worthy:
Needs work: Yes, this story is okay, but it could be a lot improved if the author focuses on the emotional tone of their message.

To the author: Keep on writing. I know sometimes feedback like this can be hard to hear, but if you never learn where you can improve, you can never grow as an author. I’m not here to well be a dick. I’m here to point out the issues I saw, and hope it can help you grow and blossom into a more experienced author.

To the reader: Vaguely recommended if you like Trixie. This story isn't bad, but it’s also not good. It’s just “okay” If you don’t mind telly narration, a bit of repetition in certain phrases like “smile” and “sad” you might enjoy this, but to anyone that wants a gut punching story that will make them cry: Skip this one.

Thank you for the review.

I thought that it was maybe a little short and bland. It was written a while ago and I wasn't that good at writing back then. I'll try to rewrite it as soon as I can and focus more on the emotions.