EI wander

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror
• Thriller

Beneath the City, where the sunlight never touches, I wander. Will you wander with me?

• Alt. Universe
• Other

Silent Whisper · 2.2k words  ·  80  1 · 1.1k views

Overview - In this review I have decided to focus on the characters, concept and execution, and how the story made me feel. Spoilers abound so make sure you have read it beforehand!

At first glance, I Wander is a spooky little one-shot that left some chills down my spine and a curiosity begging for more about the world and how it functions. While it is short, a little over 2,000 words, it has some very deep and detailed scenes and implications that go even deeper than the words written.

Overall, I absolutely love this story and it ticks off most of my boxes for a good horror. 

Characters
While we are only given explicit descriptions of a couple characters and no names, the characters introduced bring interesting insights and little tidbits to the world. There is the narrator, that switches between second person and first person, and some of the ponies met beneath the City. The pegasus who loves to fly with the 'stars', the little foal who fell, and then the 'worker'. 

All of them give different insights to the world below. The pegasus who sees the lights as stars helps bring perspective and, to me, a little hope to what would otherwise be a dark and dreary world. The foal accomplishes similar things, giving some more direct worldbuilding by showing us stockpiles that are strewn all throughout and can be found by following the lights, as well as the heart breaking allusion that once down there, there is no way out. (Confirmed in the second person perspective passage next.) The worker I feel is the most interesting of the bunch, especially as she helps give us more clues to who the narrator is. And then finally, the narrator themself, who in the end, turns out to be a changeling! Talk about a plot twist.

Overall, I feel the characters were really well written and honestly, there really isn't much I would change with how they were presented.

Concept/Execution
The world in 'I Wander' is sparsely described, yet there is a lot to be gleaned from implications and reading between the lines. We know there is the City, a place of grandeur and light and all things ‘good’. Then, there is beneath, dark and lonely with only the little lights to guide you. Some call them fae lights, others call them stars, some compare them to the bulb of an angler fish. Taking all this into consideration, this world is a pretty scary place. But it is not without little spots of light, such as the pegasus and how he loved to fly amongst the stars, and the understanding of the worker. Overall, this was a very unique concept and I think it was executed flawlessly. The word choice, the use of italics for the first person view, and the flow all felt right.

How it made me feel
I started off intrigued, curious, but a little cautious from the tags of 'horror' and 'thriller'. The opening was rather soft, a gentle introduction to the world and how it worked. As I read further though, the tension built and I got the ever increasing feeling that something wasn't right. By the time I got down to the worker, I was a little puzzled but on the edge of my seat and then...BAM! That final line that just hit hard and left my head spinning. Most everything came together and I was able to reread it with a new understanding. 

Before doing this review, I read this story twice just because I loved it. And then another 3 times trying to write this and every time I found something new I didn't notice before. To be able to re-read it over and over and come to new revelations is an amazing feat, especially for such a short story.  If there is one critique I could make, is that I felt the ending was a little too vague for first time reading. It took me until my 3rd time reading through to make the connection that the first person segments and the second person were the same person. I don't know if that was just me not quite cluing in to the clues left behind or what, though it is quite possible I just didn't understand it until that 3rd time lol.

Who else might like this
This story is an amazing little thriller with a bit of horror and mystery thrown in. If you like stories that give you clues throughout and then hit ya with one line that make the puzzle pieces click into place, this one's for you.

Note to the author
I have told you before but I will say it again, I absolutely love this story and I really like most of your stuff in general, keep up the good work Silent!

Thank you very much for this thorough review, I appreciate all the effort you put into this!