Beneath the City, where the sunlight never touches, I wander. Will you wander with me?
Now with an incredible reading by Lotus Moon, Archer, and Script Singer. Go check them out!
Thank you to The Legendary Bill Cipher, Zontan, Lofty, Red Parade, Moonshot, and Stynger Skies for prereading, editing, and thwacking me over the head when things don't make sense. In theory, I could do this without you all, but it'd be worse and every other letter would be in comic sans.
Written in the great Quills and Sofa Speedwriting Group, for the second "Neural-Network Generated Candy Hearts" panic fiction contest. Wanna know why so many of our stories keep being awesome? Come find out on our Discord, where we write many words and sometimes things happen.
And thank you to Firefoxino for a wonderful review!
Wonderfully eerie. Great work Silent!
A nice little bit of worldbuilding and a great conclusion to bring it all together. Oh, and I don't think I mentioned this before, but that's such a badass ending line. Nice job!
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Thank you so much! I'm pleased with the ending line, myself. It adds a more sinister visual to the whole story, doesn't it?
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Thanks, Red! Means a lot, coming from you!
Wow... I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. That was wonderful, subtly terrifying, but wonderful.
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Thank you very much! Your comment means a lot. I'm tearing up!
I loved this story when I first read it and I still love it now. Really great stuff, Silent.
This is how I want to be able to write. It's also the kind of tone I have lately been wanting to write. Excellent work.
Im absolutely grinning from ear to ear.
What a fantastic story, and one in the very rare and under appreciated Horror Genre.
Very well done
The Monk
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?" - WhatMustIDo
Ohhhh... I like this. Very atmospheric and "slow-burn" creepy.
Two things comee to mind:
Some Lewis Carol
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
Waitomo Glowworm Caves:
I do have one question about the story (spolier'd so as not to ruin things for those that come after)
Did I get it right? The Narrator is a Changeling, but though he is one of the things that goes bump in the dark, he is just (in the eyes of the true predators) a harmless little remora, not worth the effort to "relocate". The "angler" is the mare tending the little lights for guiding lost little ponies out of the darkness (and safety) they have stumbled in...
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Loving the comparisons! Also, honestly, idk, the original intention was for the changeling to be the anglerfish, but I'm loving your interpretation and I can't just say it's wrong because it's really interesting!
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Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Your writing is incredible though! I look forward to all your new stories and love seeing you around fimfiction!
10297985
Huh. That is interesting. I was thinking of all "symbology"[sic] of the lights and the mythology surrounding faelights/will-o'-the-wisp and all their ilk and how they are always leading people astray to their doom. That and the She didn’t follow me further, and that was okay. I’d let somepony else tell her the bad news" bit
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Hey, I'm not saying you're wrong, and I love seeing people's different takes on things! I'm super happy it made you think!
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I have always had a thing for stories that present a reasonable, consistent view and then, after you have gotten all comfortable with everything, introduces a new piece of information that upends all the assumptions. Not so much a "plot twist" in the M. Night school; all the information is already there, nothing has been added or removed, the only thing that has changed is your perspective and interpretation of all the story elements presented to you.
All my rambling aside, this certainly is a rather interesting setting. I cannot help but think of this as a strange pony amalgamation of Dante's Dis and the former Kowloon Walled City.
10299532
I've been told that I'm an unreliable narrator at times, and honestly, that's what I strive to be. Either by shifting the tone of the story at the end (you're right, it's not so much of a plot twist as it is a paradigm shift) or by having the narrator or characters not tell the truth at one point or the other... it's my thing and I love doing it.
I'm very glad you enjoyed it! I... haven't thought of anything more for this setting, yet, as it was part of a speedwrite and I wrote this in, like, an hour or so.
You know how the universe is a hologram and reality an illusion? Good cause you got reviewed!
Absolutely spectacular story, and very creepy.
tbh i'd love to see more of this alternate universe, it has a very bleak and unique setting to it.
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I'm glad you liked it! More is on the way!
I love how you start this story's pov. Its makes it seem like we were the one to drop into this world. The readers getting a glimpse of the world you create with the chilling ending.
Have a review!
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Wow, two in one day! Thank you very much!
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Oh my stars, this is INCREDIBLE!!! Thank you so much for the reading! I bet this was a pretty tricky one to do, with all the flashbacks, but it turned out wonderfully and it's one of my favorite things that I've written and I've gotta share it with everyone and thank you so so much! This made my day!!!
One of the best flavors of horror is that of the unknown, something you’re very good at capturing through your skillful usage of unreliable narrators in your stories. It’s made all the more impressive because you do it while still leaving enough hints as to the awful, true nature of things. It’s a rarity (no, not that Rarity) to find stories where the author trusts the audience enough to let them think through and interpret.
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Wow, thank you for this! That's high praise. You made my day!
Hello! I know you've already read my review of this, but such a clever, creepingly uncomfortable fic deserves a like and favourite. So here they are!