EFluff!

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

Starlight makes Trixie breakfast in bed for a special occasion, but Trixie can't remember what is special about this day!

• Trixie
• Starlight Glimmer

Nailah · 1000 words  ·  67  3 · 1.1k views

Fluff! by Nailah will be the first story that I will review in this new group that I have landed on. Having been partnered with the speedwriting group of Quills and Sofas, I suspect that this entry, being of only a thousand words flat, was a speedwriting entry. While I understand the constraints of writing such a story in virtually no time at all, that doesn’t mean that I will treat it differently as a story. So, without further ado, let’s begin!

Okay, since this is an incredibly short one-shot, I must warn the reader that this review discusses the content in a detailed manner. Beware of spoilers ahead!

Summary

Starlight makes Trixie breakfast in bed for a special occasion, but Trixie can't remember what is special about this day! And when she does remember, she thinks about the special connection, that relationship forged between the two of them with joy and elation.

Content/Plot Analysis

Firstly, let’s discuss the main arc of the story – fluff. The story did develop fluff between Starlight and Trixie through their dialogue and their mannerisms put into that dialogue, though it did not strike me as impactfully as I really thought it would. Granted, the author has done justice to nuance the nice dialogue with the introduction of the appropriate facial expressions and movements to reflect a greater depth into the speaker’s emotions and thoughts, but I think that the structure and the syntax of the story, especially with the closely packed dialogue that tied everything together as an arc hindered my ability to simply cave in into the fluff. Perhaps short breaks from the dialogue to help showcase the level of intimacy between the two characters through a more descriptive exploration into their time that they were having while eating their waffles.

Anyways, the author has developed an interesting connection between the fluffiness of the waffles the two were enjoying and the fluff in terms of the admiration and affection the two had for each other. The extent of the fluff of each matter was built up succinctly, though I wonder whether the author could have considered developing a matter of comparison between the two to draw that link in a more explicit and exceptional manner to emphasize that.

I think that the characterization of the two characters of the story was apt. As this piece is been brought through to the reader as a character-driven piece, this is indeed crucial in this sense. The usage of the third-person perspective by Trixie was well-ventured, especially when it was even used with Starlight, which I certainly can convince myself to believe, considering how close they were as friends. More fascinating is how simple Starlight wanted the proceedings for their time together to be in contrast to Starlight’s view of an extravagance celebration, and the eventual compromise that the duo had, conveying the other side of her personality. My mind seems to draw a connection from this towards how Starlight had a fairly humble, if not rough, beginning in her life when I mull over it. Nice work!

I opine that the author executed the above to a respectable degree, especially considering the time the author had to work on it, from the start of the conversation of the two when they feasted upon the waffles to the final realization that Trixie had. However, the author did convey that Starlight was not upset with Trixie for not remembering that special day that they two had together when Trixie was trying so hard to jog her memories to no avail. The author could consider expanding upon the reasons to why, to bring out another facet of Starlight’s personality and her thinking on a deeper level of reflection.

Of greater discussion is the conclusion of the story which explored the joy Starlight had and the justifications for that joy. The author goes at length to tie into the experiences that Starlight had together with Trixie and the realization she had that this was merely the beginning of her journey into forging more friendships around her, through I felt that this aspect was rushed. It was hurried in the sense that the facts of the matter around were simply a given when reading through the final paragraphs when Starlight was deliberating over her relationship with Trixie and even her friendship with others. Maybe demarcating these thoughts with the aid of some descriptions of her emotions, her reflections, facial expressions or even her actions would help to inspire a more uplifting ending that will hit the reader more impactfully.

Flow

As I have discussed above, I find that the pacing of the story was slightly too hurried to allow the readers to immense themselves into allowing that fluff to seep into their emotions more authentically and more seamlessly. I think that the author should consider slowing the tempo down with a few dampening descriptors to inspire that fluff more fluidly.

However, notwithstanding with the above, I think that the chain of events made logical sense and is certainly something that I could picture in my mind.

Language

Technical errors were rare. Come, let’s take a look at some of the recommendations I would like to propose to the author in the appropriate sub-sections.

Convolution

Trixie thought about it, as she dug into her breakfast. She wasn’t about to not savor Starlight’s baking. She really had gotten a lot better since her first cake.

I have to apologize, but I was struggling to understand this bolded statement in the context of the quoted excerpt due to the double negative introduced.

Syntax

She felt herself scrambling for an answer as she finished her last bite of her breakfast, wiping her muzzle with her forehoof and using her magic to produce a handkerchief to clean her face. wipe the little bit of whipped cream that got onto Starlight.

She felt herself scrambling for an answer as she finished her last bite of her breakfast, wiping her muzzle with her forehoof and using her magic to produce a handkerchief to clean her face and wipe the little bit of whipped cream that got onto Starlight.

Stance

An enjoyable read, though I wished that the story built up that affection between Starlight and Trixie more. To improve, I believe that the author should consider slowing the pace of the story down; please check my comments above. And remember, I’m always ready to talk about your story.

Content/Plot: 6.5/10
Flow/Communication: 6/10
Language/Readability: 7.3/10
Overall: 6.6/10