Review: Midnight at the Crystal Library - Fillydelphia Oracle: Literature Reviews

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daOtterGuy

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daOtterGuy #1 · May 10th, 2022 · 3 · ·

Midnight at the Crystal Library by Ninjadeadbeard

EMidnight at the Crystal Library

While on a study-vacation in the Crystal Empire, Sunset, Sci-Twi, Starswirl, and Starlight will have to literally confront their past mistakes if Equestria is to survive.

Ninjadeadbeard · 25k words · 218 2 · 4k views

The Library of the Crystal Empire vanished for 1,000 years with the city itself, taking (and ironically preserving) ancient tomes of magic long thought lost to Equestria. Now, in order to protect their own world from Equestrian magic, Sunset Shimmer and the human Twilight Sparkle will plumb the library's depths, accompanied by Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst, and the Great and Powerful Trixie, in order to find the answers they seek.
But soon they are swept up in an experiment conducted by none other than Starswirl the Bearded, who seeks to aid a friend of Equestria, the infamous Tempest Shadow (Fizzlepop Berrytwist) in restoring her broken horn.
One magical ritual, a dose of dimensional-duplicate-insecurities, and a mountain of existential crises later, and... well. Let's just say that Starlight might finally have some company in the "I destroyed Equestria" club.

Opening remarks

Midnight at the Crystal Library (Midnight) by Ninjadeadbeard (Ninja) is an adventure drama set in Ninja’s Anarchyverse. Though I am unfamiliar with Ninja’s verse, I’ve enjoyed his work before and look forward to seeing what’s in store.

Note: Though part of a larger verse, this fic shall be reviewed based on its own merit.

Technical

I would best describe the writing as cozy for the majority of the fic. It has a very storybook vibe to it that really makes the reader feel comfortable as they peruse through the plot. Though, it does conflict with the later tone of the action scenes, its still a very engaging style of writing that keeps the reader immersed in the tale.

Speaking of, the action scenes are decent. They convey the needed events in such a way as to not bog down while reading and convey the right amount of tension.

Now, there were some instances of missing punctuation and spelling errors, but nothing egregious. Something that stood out though was word repetition in dialogue. I understood that it was to denote awkwardness or shyness in cases, but it was just frequent enough that it became somewhat jarring. I would recommend using it more sparingly and saving it for the hard htiting moments such as when you used it for that one moment with Starlight.

Another note, and something that is in no way a massive problem, is that a lot of paragraphs start with character names. Changing the beginnings could really add some more paragraph variety thus elevating the existing work.

Overall, the fic is well written and easy to read.

7.5/10

Character

Firstly, I would like to applaud Ninja on their ability to write characters as they are in canon. Even amongst such a large cast of characters, none of the characters felt off in terms of personality and action. This is very impressive and truly a major point of success.

That being said, the cast is also far too large. There are so many characters vying for screen time and it really doesn’t feel like there are enough words to be able to cover everything. The perspective and narrative focus just gets pulled in so many different directions that it causes the story to feel too loose.

Because of this, it also feels that a lot of character are missing some depth to their struggles and individual arcs with the main characters suffering this the most based on the themes of the story (specifically Twilight, Starlight, and Starswirl). Several characters also feel very “just happy to be here” with not enough of a role within the narrative. The biggest offenders being Moondancer, Flash Sentry, Trixie, and Sunburst, all of whom feel like unnecessary extras.

Additionally, there is a setup for the various villains’ character arcs that, due to their screentime being shared amongst such a large cast, don’t feel as developed as they should. The conclusion to their arcs are still satisfying, but it misses some of the emotional depth that would have really nailed the concept.

Still, the characters are enjoyable to read, and, at the end of the day, that’s what matters most.

6/10

Concept

The concept is definitely intriguing. The setup and present characters is a very original grouping, and the setting of a nerd-cation is most certainly appealing. The description does an excellent job in drawing the reader in, intrigued by what may happen, and the opening does a decent job of keeping them reading.

However, though it is an annoying plot device in most instances, a quick conversation on the train in the opening scene would do a lot of good in establishing some of the necessary pieces of the verse that would have brought more context to the current fic.

I mostly caught the gist by the end, but a quick recap dialogue of the events prior to explain the reasoning behind them going to the Empire would have been helpful to establish this particular story as more standalone. I do understand that this is part of a long running series, but I think it would have been helpful just having the quick recap at the beginning for old and new readers alike.

Otherwise, the description delivers well on its promise in what it sets out to do.

9/10

Vibe

To start, this fic is good. The action and writing are on point, the characterization is entertaining, and the flow of the story is well done. As it stands, the fic is a solid read and delivers its promise of a good time.

However, there is a major structural problem that holds this fic back.

The story feels unfocused. This is largely exasperated by the massive cast of characters present in the narrative and all of their individual arcs. There are just too many plot threads for a 25 K story, which both causes the pacing to feel too fast and the fic too crowded for the story it wishes to tell.

There’s the core plot thread, and what is arguably the main focus of the story, in Human Twilight’s feelings of inferiority towards Princess Twilight. This run very well with the second main thread that is Starlight and Starswirl’s mirroring guilt over their past actions regarding the time spell and mirror respectively. By themselves, these are both powerful plot hooks that work together great. On their own, they can more than carry a story to its conclusion and still be a great time.

But that’s not the only thread here.

There’s the villain’s friendship, the villain’s backstories, the minor romance thread, the Trixie thread, the feelings of inferiority amongst several characters, the relationships between many of the established characters, Tempest Shadow in her entirety, the alternate dimensions, those timelines, the ending, and, finally, Sunset’s efforts to attempt to fix the mirror portal.

This is just far too many events transpiring all at once for the number of words written made even worse by the fact that all of takes place over the course of a day in story.

To be clear, none of these plot threads are handled poorly nor do I believe that they are inherently bad or that the idea to have multiple plot lines running at the same time isn’t good. However, the sheer volume causes the story to feel so loose and unfocused over the course of reading. Furthermore, some of the emotional depth to be drawn from all these various threads gets somewhat lost in translation due to the need to share screentime with all of the other threads happening.

Another unfortunate consequence potentially, is that the fic feels very much like a filler episode from an tv show. An in between fic for main story that, though not inherently bad, makes it feel somewhat inconsequential outside of the final epilogue.

Finally, the ending. Without going into too many spoilers, it feels disconnected from the rest of the plot. Like its just a sequel hook instead of the conclusion to the story that just unfolded. This is rather unfortunate because the scene prior that resolves human Twilight’s arc is really good, and is an excellent book end to her character arc. With the addition of the ending, it almost cheapens the prior emotional closure as it draws attention to this potential new installment.

Still, despite my criticisms, the story retains a certain manic energy when all is read together, which makes for a wild and enjoyable ride. Though muddled, the emotional moments still work and everything, with the obvious exception of the epilogue, feels wrapped up by the end of the story.

Overall, the fic has some good vibes.

5/10

Closing Thoughts

Midnight by Ninja is a well written story that, though a fun read, is hampered by a rapid pace cultivated by a massive cast of characters and huge number of plot threads. That being said, its manic energy keeps the reader engaged and offers a fun time. I would recommend this to read.

6.8/10

Personal Score

I enjoyed it overall. The fic definitely felt like a filler episode, but I happen to really like filler episodes. Though I was somewhat let down by the unfocused nature of the fic, it was still a grand time to read.

7/10

Ninjadeadbeard

Ninjadeadbeard #2 · May 10th, 2022 · · ·

Well, a bit harsher than some have said in the past, but not inaccurate by any stretch. Considering this was only my second story written in the last decade or so, and it is the very first story written for my Anarchyverse, I still take this as a good review.

One slight correction (and I realize this probably only makes my story look worse, lol) is that this is the first story I wrote in my expansive universe. The narration stuff at the beginning was not in reference to previous stories, but simply me not understanding that not everyone who reads fanfiction had bothered finishing the actual series. I thought it was patently obvious what was going on, just by how EQG worked.

For the record, that is something I like to call hubris.

I find myself every once in a while wondering if I should go back and rewrite the story to better fit my current skill as a writer. I’m sure I could do this same story much better than I once did. But would people care to read something like that? I don’t know. I have a bad habit of making things much too long. I’m sure someone out there would want to read a 100k long story about this, but I don’t know if I have the energy to do so.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read and critique this! It holds a special place in my heart, despite aging rather poorly. Believe me when I say the later stories in this universe are much better, though… I might just be slightly a little bit biased on that opinion.