TTo Punch!!! ...In a Nice Way

• Equestria Girls
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Fluttershy finds herself giving advice to Aria Blaze, but not in a way she imagined.

• Alt. Universe
• Aria Blaze
• Fluttershy (EqG)

SunTwi06 · 2.8k words  ·  33  2 · 942 views

Story summary. Fluttershy and Aria Blaze cannot be any different. While Fluttershy is the sweetest, kindest girl in school, Aria is aggressive and would rather beat the first person who looks at her. But it's when these two come together does an unexpected turn of events followed. Just when it seems Fluttershy's life is at risk, Aria has her in a corner... and asking for favors. But not in a way anyone expected.

Submission for the May 2021Pairing Contest

My analysis: This story has a lighter feel to it, even if it leans towards the more romantic side. I don't think this leans to comedy more than it does slice of life, but there are some light tones in here. This story looks like it has taken some time, developing in writing style the further we got into it. However, that does lead the the largest flaw in this story, and that is the weak grammical start. However, this story of somebody developing new romantic feelings (Although I'm not sure it it's incest or not.) and a shy girl trying to help her understand said feelings makes for a nice feel good story.

Grammar: 6/10

This story starts off hard with the name repetition. If it's two people, you can get away with only using their names every six paragraphs. However, later in the story it starts to shift into using she and later is willing to not have to have Fluttershy said in every other paragraph.

The other problem is that the author keeps shifting from future tense to past tense.

“But… you are good at reading people,” Aria continued. “I am correct to assume you’re a natural at understanding… humans?”

Fluttershy tilts her head to the side, finding the way Aria said ‘humans’ confusing.

“Have you ever had a moment where… everything just… shifts…?” Aria asked awkwardly. “Like you see yourself differently than you did before?”

Fluttershy ponders the idea, but it didn’t take her long to answer.

This switching between tenses makes the read confusing, and harder to read in my opinion. I'd suggest leaning more towards past tense.

Story plot: 8/10

This is a cute discovery story, and deserves the extra points for the unique pairing. However, I don't know is it was made to pair Aria with Fluttershy. I feel like if it was the goal, it would have missed the mark. However, it's a simple plot that works well in execution. It's not the most unique plot in my mind, but it still has a cute feel to it.

Story flow 9/10. This story sticks to a good pace, starting of with a rather tense stand off as we wonder what Aria's wanting, which allows the transition to the girl's awkward understanding of her personal feelings. I don't find myself having to catch up with what's going on, or having to read over parts again to gain a better understanding. It is well paced, and makes for an easy read to understand.

Final score. 23/30 7.6/10

How to improve:

I think the main area that needs improving is the grammical area, needing to stick with a specific tense and working on the flow of when to use the names, when to add actions, and when nothing in needed to be added in the conversation. Getting a better hold of that and adding consistency in it will help the story to flow better in the area of spelling.

Besides that, this is a sweet story dealing with self discovery, and I am impressed by the concept of Fluttershy helping one of the Dazzlings get a better hold of their romantic interests. I'd say it's more than worth a read for all of you who love the light romance stories.

First, thank you. 2nd, no, there was no shipping intent with Aria and Fluttershy although I can see how you reached that conclusion.