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Azure Drache
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Summary:

When Flurry Heart is a little bit older, she writes a wishlist for the Gift Givers of the Grove. Luna as well as Celestia are very eager to get their hooves on it to be the aunt who gives her the best gift for Heartswarming, resulting in them fighting over it.

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The story starts a bit on the explanatory side of things, which would fit more for a longer story, though this one is quite short. We get an overview about how things are in Equestria and Canterlot in terms of Heartswarming, as well as the info that Flurry is a bit older now but still a child. 

When it gets into the main story however, the pace moves faster and far more appropriate.

We have Luna in the possession of the wishlist after a short period of time and while she is still reading it, Celestia drops by and snatches it from her. This leads to a bigger conflict between the sisters about who will give Flurry the best gift. Things get quickly out of hoof and both sisters are far meaner than they would be in the show actually. Without spoiling too much, what starts as a snowball-fight ends in a good portion of the surroundings, including random ponies getting damaged or injured.

However, there are comedy approaches along the way, like when Cadance and Twilight comment on the incident from the sideline.

To round the story up, the author goes with an ending gag and expresses the good cheer of Heartswarming, as well to remind the reader of what message the holiday holds.

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Rating:

Comedy: 3/10 
While the story has elements of comedy, they are far too few to count as a comedy story. It feels more like a Slice of Life event with a pinch of humour to it.

Writing Style:  4/10 
The start is a bit off, too descriptive in my opinion, though the flow of the rest of the story is accurate. Also the ending scene is quite nicely done.

Emotions: 5/10 This is a story about Heartswarming and it carries a message, which will be mentioned at the end. Along with how everything resolves, I say it is a good ending. Though, the main storyline is more into the mean territory and about conflict and rivalry. It doesn’t fits so well together.

5/10

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Feedback for the author:
I would suggest tagging this story as Slice of Life. You have a more everyday situation from real life transferred to pony fanfiction. It is a good setting for that kind of story, though, for a comedy orientated, it is too ordinary. 

If you want to keep it a comedy story though, I suggest to work on the jokes and punchlines more carefully. You have a few good ones, but the rest of the story is more or less filler if you look from that angle.

On a different topic, I would suggest to work on the start a bit more. Your story is with 2,5k words quite short, over 200 alone are in the intro paragraphs already. You could very well start at the spot when Luna asks Flurry if the list is finished, just mentioning in a side sentence that Flurry is a bit older.

7396539 Thank you for the review. Now that I know what the flaws are, I can re-fix it and release it on a later date. Thank you for your time:heart:

Azure Drache
Group Admin

7396652
Your welcome:twilightsmile:

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