[Adult story embed hidden]

Summary::Rain had a difficult but good life, with her mother and brother, her future at the colonial station Selene promise to improve, but when some space pirates managed to invade the station, the evacuation ship she was in was hit just before Entering slipspace, drifting along with a part of the ship, armed with only an escape pod and a story, Rain sets out to fight for her life and return to her family.

The story is inspired by "Tuf Voyaging", in addition to being in the Harmony multiverse.

Initial thoughts: Space, Scifi, and a battle. All things that normally don't interest me, and I can't really say with a good conscience that this story changed my mind about it. Rain is the main character and tells us her story through narration and vivid recollections of the events as they happen. This is an interesting way of telling your narrative without being "telly" but it stil falls into a lot of the traps of not showing enough versus telling us what is happening. The story itself is incomplete and for what's here, it feels like the author was just starting to get a feel for what they wanted to do and just well stopped. I don't know why, or if the author plans on continuing this, but as it is, this is a good outline for what a story should be, but to me, not really a story. 4/10

Heart of the story: The heart of this story is Rain and her journey and how she will survive the ordeal. While this could have been interesting the way the story is formatted makes it read very much like a textbook. And that made it harder for me to feel for this character and want her to succeed. The way to address this would be to have moments for the character to breathe. I realize with the action/fighting, and intense situation of survival is quite tramatic, it would help the readers to give clarity to why Rain is fighting so hard other than the bare bones of just surviving. It can be interesting but this is not the way to go about it. At least not in my mind. 5/10
Example:

Catalog: 24
Article Number: 37433-320222-126525
Camelot Research Center for the study of alien structures.
Xenoanthropological Department.

Item Description: vocally encoded crystal
Article found in: St´a Brana (co / rds SWEKV7564,852)
Approximate date: recorded about 250 normal years before today.
Classify in: Legends and myths, alien weapons, battle of the republic, CGU, abandoned research facilities.

^ This is how the story starts and like it's very formatted like a log. I realize that might've been to convey realism in the scifi setting but it just left me confused and wondering what was going on. Then it continued skipping through time like it meant nothing.
example:

So 5 long years passed, we never managed to explore the entire ship, but we managed to get to the huge dome, and it was like coming home, it had trees similar to those of home, water, rivers, even lakes and waterfalls, a few mountains, it was like seeing a of a planet, even a day and night cycle.
I feel this was a lost opportunity here. Why are we skipping so much time? What is the point? How will this affect Rain and her actions to come?

Characterization: : Rain as a character, well what I know is she's a pony in this strange scifi world where she's fighting for her very life and find her purpose. Rain as a character has potential. The struggle, the turmoil of the whole situation going on could be quite impactful to the reader, but it's more how the story is written that makes it not work as well as it could have. This could have been a great way of showing us the readers Rain's struggle, her journey through self discovery, while exploring the vaste emptiness that is space, but as it is, it's more like an outline for what the story should be. I'll give some credit here that Rain herself isn't just a Mary sue or self insert. She has character, and potential, just form the story about her without coming off as a textbook format. 6/10.

Story/Concept: : The concept here is basically pony has to flee for her life, after pirates attack and has to way back to improve not only herself but the lives of those around her. To me this story was honestly, boring. I don't know if it's just I don't care much for scifi or if it's the formatting. I've seen amazing scifi stories, heck I've seen scifi shows I've actually liked. The one that comes to mind immediately is Star Trek. (yes I'm a fan.) and it has all the things scifi should have without being boring. This just isn't that. It clearly knows what it wants to do, but not the execution of it. 4/10.

Originality/Execution:: Scifi is actually not a popular genre, between Scifi and cowboys, those are by far the least popular stories on Fimfiction, that I am aware of, so the originality is here in that sense, but the story itself, there's nothing new here. We've all heard this before, we've all seen stories very similar that have done this to more success. The author clearly shows effort here with what they wanted to do, but it just could have been done so much more vividly, so much better than what's here, and I'd like to see where it could have gone. 5/10.

Overall score and final thoughts: : This story has potential to be something, but for what is here, it feels more like an outline for a story rather than an actual story. Rain is the only thing in here I feel strongly about. I want to see her struggles, her inner turmoil, and how she stays strong throughout it all, but there's so much action and narration going on that she gets lost in the shuffle and when she's the focus of the story that is truly a disappointment, but I pursue the author to reflect on the character and what they wanted, and not give up on this. For scifi might not be my thing, but it could still be a great story if given the proper care and attention.

Total score: 4+5+6+4+5=24/50
4.8/10

Headpat worthy:
Boop worthy:
Meh worthy:: Yes.
Cringe level:

To the author: There is something here. The beginnings of a story, and even a world, but what is here is just the bare bones of what it could be. Focus on Rain, and what you want her to accomplish. Her strengths, her failings, how she will respond to being alone in space. There is a lot to do here, and with only so much to show. You can vastly improve on this should you pursue it further.

Next time we have "Sunset Glimmer by Ninjadeadbeard" see you soon!

Rain is heavily inspired by "anne with an e"

And thank you, I will work on it more, sincerely it is exactly as you say, everything I wrote is more the framework of the story and key points, the truth is I did not know that the story had more chapters published beyond the first.

in this account we are two others and they published the other chapters (I just found out with this well received review)

Honestly it was also the point to develop it from Rain and Flurry, like two sides of a coin.