Cutie Mark Crusader Tea Makers by BeautifulHorse is the second story that I will review from the same author. Looking at the title and the blurb here, I can tell that the CMCs are going to make…tea to earn their cutie marks? Hmm…I am expecting this crusade to be at least catastrophic, but let’s check it out!

Summary

Joining Rarity to Canterlot, the CMCs realized that there was a Royal Tea Making Contest happening. With excitement and zeal, the CMCs set forth to concoct a tea blend fit for Princess Celestia, though their adventure to find the necessary ingredients would not be without incident. Will they succeed and win the competition, or fail miserably in the end?

Content/Plot Analysis

I think the most pertinent matter to discuss about in this story is on the matter of the story’s conflict. Conflict in a story is the so-called fight against opposing forces and this helps to drive the story’s plot forward to draw the reader in. In this story, there are a few instances of conflict that are described during which the CMCs are busy collecting the necessary ingredients for their tea blend to make the competition, with each member experiencing a different problem from the others. Throughout the three instances depicted, I felt that the problem experienced by each member during their purchases of the ingredients were resolved almost too conveniently, causing me to feel slightly dissatisfied with how each problem was resolved in an almost seamless manner. The problems were thought-out, though the solutions proffered in the story came swiftly through without much development into how the problems would affect the contest or the CMCs and their reaction when they realized and confronted their problems. Let’s discuss them in detail in chronological order.

For instance, Scootaloo was up to purchase a sieve to filter the tea leaves from the actual tea. Two yellow unicorn stallions led a crowd with Scootaloo to their stall to sell them their useless, knock-off sieves. Although Scootaloo knew that the sieves were useless, a mare saw him in the crowd and immediately chided the two unicorns (Flim and Flam?) for attempting to scam him of his bits. In my eyes, this chain of events is fairly believable and convincing, though I felt that the author wanted to introduce a slice of life aspect into this experience. I wished that the message that the author wanted to bring out from this could been extended in how Scootaloo might have reflected upon the situation as he leaves the site beyond the idea that one should be wary of unscrupulous scammers out there.

Next, after Sweetie Belle bought her tea leaves from the shop, she fell over a sway, loose rock. An earth pony caught her in the action and commented on her clumsiness, but she too fell over the same cobblestone. While the earth pony demeaned and hurled insults at Sweetie Belle, I felt that there was room for the author to develop the conversation between the two to show the conflict at play. However, the entire fiasco was settled almost instantaneously thanks to the intervention of a royal guard who immediately called the earth pony out for her behavior. While I understand that the author wanted to introduce humor into the story, I found that the development was slightly hasty, resulting in the experience conveyed and even the experience of the reader to be diluted. This resulted in the comedy aspect here to be affected too, since the build-up of the moments culminating to the comedy was not ideal.

While Apple Bloom did not face a problem during her hunt for a pestle and mortar, Ace Chaser, who loaned her his own pestle and mortar, did casually comment on how others intended to win the contest by introducing addictive substances into the tea blend. This is an interesting development in the story, though I did not see this being leveraged upon to showcase any additional insights. The story could have gone on to show how the individuals who did so were penalized, or at least mentioned this arc again, otherwise the introduction of this point was not necessary to construct the story, as it did not benefit the foreshadowing of the story as a whole. Unfortunately, I posit that it scattered the focus of the story which made the outline less effective.

As they consolidated their ingredients and began partaking in the contest, the CMCs realized that they forgot their tea set to decant their tea. In the story, it was Rarity who noticed the grim looks on their faces, prompting her to help out and pass them a tea set. Again, the problem faced by the CMCs seemed to be solved as quickly as the story could portray it, which brings me to another point I would like to consider. The style in which the story is written caused the problems to appear trivial and easy to resolve, and I will explore my thoughts in the next section.

Of secondary significance is ending executed by the story. Even through the CMCs did not win the competition, Princess Celestia gave an honorable mention to them, saying that

"Their tea was bold and unexpected, and while not the finest or most perfect it was the spirit of the attempt that I wanted to encourage in the Tea Day contest.”

I wished that this point would be emphasized and detailed more at the end of the story to give a lasting impression on the reader as something insightful, for I am not certain to why Celestia believed that the spirit of the competition she wanted to inspire was exemplified by the CMCs’ unorthodox concoction.

Flow

I think the style in which the story is written in made the solutions to the problems the CMCs were facing in the competition appear convenient. This is due to the fact that the pacing of the ideas that flowed from the development of the problem and the solution in the story was rushed due to the lack of development on the events of the story. Perhaps the reaction of each member of the CMC to their respective problems could be introduced to help to slow the pace down so that the solutions to the problem may be more satisfying. The author should consider doing so, so that each experience would have a greater weight in the story, as the reader would have a greater ability to picture the scene before the story moves on to the next scene. The author should focus on the key aspects of the story and shape them up with a dynamic flow to inspire the reader.

Before I close off this section of the review, I would also like to talk about how the story shifts from one scene to the other through the use of numerous horizontal rules. Before I continue, I would like to say that these rules are excellent to help the reader transition from one scene to the other. However, the heavy usage of horizontal rules in the story, especially nearing the end, makes the reader jump from one scene to the other abruptly and without sufficient depth into the development of the scene the reader was previously on, hampering the flow and communication of the story in the reader’s mind, in my opinion.

Language

Technical errors were quite uncommon. Let’s talk about some of the recommendations I would proffer to the author.

The sound of several sets of hooves running across the kitchen lino reached Rarity's ears.

The sound of several sets of hooves running across the kitchen line reached Rarity's ears.

She put finished her tea and set the cup down on the table…

She put her finished tea and set the cup down on the table…

They sold various pots and pans, so it makes sense that they would have a tea sieve as well.

They sold various pots and pans, so it made sense that they would have a tea sieve as well.

"No thanks" Sweetie replied, levitating the tea box into her bag. "Good luck to you too!"

"No thanks(,)" Sweetie replied, levitating the tea box into her bag. "Good luck to you too!"

There was a slight redness in her cheeks, but she kept her bearing remarkable well.

There was a slight redness in her cheeks, but she kept her bearing remarkably well.

Stance

I felt that this piece was a fun read, though to improve, I wished that the resolution to the conflicts in the story could have been more thoroughly built up to make this read more satisfying.

Content/Plot: 4.3/10
Flow/Communication: 4.5/10
Language/Readability: 6.5/10
Overall: 5.1/10

Do check my individual comments in the appropriate sections should you need clarification and remember, you are always more than welcome to discuss your story with me.

Also, before I end, I would like to respond to your blog post. I can say that your writing has definitely improved in your latest (?) story, The Edge, and I certainly noticed that!