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The terror of starvation starts as a tragedy, what I mean is that it starts in a good environment, a cheerful atmosphere and a wonderful description of the bright world, then it spyrals down into a dark and bloody path. But let’s go in steps, the story is not overly long capping at 3108 words but it does pack a bit of a punch. 

The story starts with our unsuspecting first victim playing hide and seek with his friends, the scene is brutally described and capture the attention of the reader with its slow crescendo towards understanding of what happened, the execution was very good and I applaud you for it. 

The plot continues with the monster managing to put so much fear into the inhabitants that they decided to remain inside their home and keep watch, after that at night the monster will be able to enter the house of Olive Oil a father of a young colt and husband, the monster will kill Olive Oil sporting a greater intelligence than what one would expect and later kidnap Fresh Wheat using a goo like substance not too dissimilar from a changeling’s.

Now let’s go with what I think of it, for me personally it was ok, not good but not bad, the problem here is in my opinion that the monster is revealed, not completely yes but still a bit much. What lacks truly is that it is not an unknown, and many me included believe that true fear comes from the unknown. 

For the Author, you did good, the story is horrific in the gore part, it is very well detailed, the best part where it shined is the scene of the colt right at the beginning a true good work there. You should though focus more on the characters themselves, what it has in gore lacked in characterization, the death of the family really doesn’t pull many heart strings, the moments of the death of Fresh Wheat family member could use some more descriptions.

The scores!

Core idea: 7/10 Not too shabby, a cool idea but maybe a too often used setting and presentation.

Pacing: 5/10 Maybe it’s the one shot thing but the pacing is a bit too fast, the action seems rushed and doesn’t have the necessary dread to justify it.

Grammar: 10/10 No errors found by me good job.

Final score: 7.3/10 Not bad, above average for sure a good read for a light horror, continue on improving yourself and you will be able to terrorize millions. 

7205726
Thank's for the review!

the problem here is in my opinion that the monster is revealed, not completely yes but still a bit much. What lacks truly is that it is not an unknown, and many me included believe that true fear comes from the unknown.

I agree with the unknown, that's why I tried to keep it secret until the end, but who it really was is important for future instalments, that I will in the future send to you.

You should though focus more on the characters themselves...

I'm surprised by this (pleasantly), giving them hopes and plans for the future and a sense of union in family and neighbours I will see to better it for future victims.

the best part where it shined is the scene of the colt right at the beginning a true good work there

I'm glad to hear that, wanted to make a good first impression.
Could I ask what you thought of the door scene?

Maybe it’s the one shot thing but the pacing is a bit too fast, the action seems rushed and doesn’t have the necessary dread to justify it.

I had a limmit, but I didn't reach it, I made it fast more because it had to happen that very night. Still, I see that I could expand more with Fresh wheat and her colt. Another thing to keep in mind for the sequel.

Thanks for the advice, Hope the next part will be better!

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I'm sure it will be better, if you believe in yourself. The door scene was well executed but maybe a bit too weird for a monster to engage in such tricks as causing paranoia into a pony, it would have been wonderful if the monster was a psycological horror that feeds on dread. But in the end it was good, you have a great potential you just need experience nothing more in my opinion continue your work!

7205737

Thanks, I never practiced this kind of terror so I take it as a good first step.

The idea of the door scene was that the monster wanted to trick him into opening the door, planting doubt as to how much intelligence the beast had.

I will work in the sequel once I finish with other constests.