[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

Summary: It's been a long while ever since Smolder and Ocellus have held a tea party secretly. What Ocellus doesn't know is that Smolder's been developing a secret crush on her.

As Smolder found the right time to confess her feelings to Ocellus, she falls ill due to heavy rain and as a result, have to stay in bed. Fortunately, Ocellus have been visiting her on a regular basis since she fell ill. Would Smolder take this as a chance to confess her feelings to Ocellus, or will she just shrug it off and find another right time to confess and possibly forget the thought of it?

Initial thoughts: Smolder is sick, and Ocellus shows up to provide care for her in her time of need. It's a decent setup up for a story, however I don't feel like this took advantage of the setup it had, and tried making it seem like a more fluff piece. Almost seeming to ignore the fact Smolder is sick and wouldn't be able to do the things she is doing. I've had the flu, and dragon or not when you are that sick you're not going to be doing much. I feel like Smolder should have had someone helping take care of her in the first place. I also feel this was a bit rushed to get Smolder and Ocellus together for the sake of shipping. The dialogue between the two isn't very realistic, however the characters themselves seem fitting. 4/10

Characterization: Ocellus and Smolder are both well presented here. I could see elements of them both shining despite all the other issues this story has, the characters feel real. Don't give up, keep on trying. 7/10

Grammar: It seems like this guy is a foreign speaker and the English doesn't always seem to make sense, and they're a some misplaced commas and small things. Nothing too distracting. 6/10

Overall thoughts: Meh? This story need a LOT more work to be presentable. In it's current state I couldn't recommend it for reading. The concept initially is a good setup but it's not executed well, nor is it really believable. If Ocellus had been caring for Smoulder since she got sick, I feel that would be more believable, rather than her coming after finding out she's not feeling well. Plus Ocellus! You don't run in the pouring rain. That's a good way for you to catch a cold and end up sick alongside your buddy. The romance here isn't really anything special, like it's the focus but I feel nothing for it. Needs more fluff. Keep trying. You can only improve from here. 5/10

Final score: 5.5/10