Samneo: The Earth Pony by Samuel-Neocros

Pros:
The main six are good descripted.
Nice dream scenes.
There is a mystery going on.
Good compares for the scenes to real life stuff so you can imagine them well.
Interesting foreshadowing in chapter 3.

Cons:
Why does he knows to call that spirit Master?
A bit tending to use human words and stuff.
Why is Sam connected to Rainbow for no reason suddenly?
Overly dramatic actions like in a action movie.
AU tag maybe?

Summary:
Yeah, what to say about this story so far? There are only 5k words puplisihed yet and it seems this story is heading for a longer run.

It seems there is a mystery that could turn out to be interesting in later chapters, along with what the author implied for later chapters. So that point of the tags may be considered as fullfilled, the romance however is more or less just some set feelings from the main character towards RD without reason or buildup. This may be explained later, but the story didn't reached that point yet.

How the content of the chapters is presented to the reader vary a bit in quality. The writing style itself is stable, but the focus of the scenes and the pacing vary to much. Also the connection of the chapters/scenes is just a bit jumpy. The selection of what to show the reader and which scenes are necassary is not so well in my opinion.

I saw this type of writing a few times already, I call that the movie writing. Authors have the story in mind like a movie and focus on the things a movie needs but didn't notice a written story needs some more details and explanation since the reader can't see the scene like in a movie.

In the end I would say that this story has good attempts here and there and the main idea may turn out entertaining for some audience, but it need the 'Smooth Iron' very urgent.

Rating: 5/10

Extra note: There are some little errors in case of missing spaces and such.

6619944
Thanks for the Review! Yes, I agree the scenes can be jumpy, and I’ll try a bit harder to be more descriptive in the scenes.

As for the romance, I do have an explanation that’ll come later. I think It will hopefully fill some plot-holes in the romance.

EDIT: The only thing I find questionable is the AU tag, but it’s your opinion I guess

6620244
Your welcome.

The reason why I think it may need the AU tag is that you brought up a completly new character without a cutimark, which seems to be normal for him. Along with his name this implies he is not fron Equestria and this breaks the original show plot, so AU tag. Though thats only my opinion.

6620333
Hmm.. yeah, I see what you mean. Though where he’s from is part of the mystery, I think some people might have an idea where he’s from. Though I’m kinda reluctant on adding the AU tag, since I don’t exactly think it’ll fit. However I see your point.

Guess I’ll need to try better next time I guess...

6620333
By the way, I forgot to add in my first reply that, I will explain why he has no cutie mark. That’ll be explained vary soon...