https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tWkzVYVBfb35J634UFIORsELfyDhwM3SGSXhmzaJSwY/

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I came. I cummed. I cumquered. Thus was both the beginning and end to my epic tale, which I shall recount in full for you now.

It’s times like this that I’m reminded of the story of how bees are too thicc to fly or something. That their love of jazz keeps them shackled to the ground. But anyway, back to MY story.

My name is Nigerian Man, though sometimes my friends call me Ocean Man and ask me to take them by the hand. Take me to the land, if you will. I came to Equestria one day by way of the ocean, not realizing Equestria was a coastal land. I stepped onto shore, and there I saw some ponies, staring at me.

“My anus… is bleeding!” I shouted. So I grabbed my spoon, that was clearly too big for the situation, and began scooping. I don't know what I was scooping, but I scooped hard and fast. The ponies watched in abject horror.

“Why are you like this?” one asked. I did not answer. There was only scooping. The scoop must flow. Scoopity poop. poop scoop.

But that didn’t distract form the fact that my sister was dead, and the killer was still somewhere out there. I rubbed my chin and observed the variety of newspaper clippings and photographs pinned to the wall. It was a collage of my own madness. Hinga-dinga-durgan. What wall, we’re on a beach, no wall. Only beach. The beach wall. Okay, my sister was dead and I was in a new strange land with ponies watching me scoop something. Alan Wake II is a really good game. Shut the fuck up mom.

“I will never financially recover from this.” I said as I scooped out my wallet to once again but a daki. I needed to but a Hatsune Miku Daki because the way her voice sounds makes me want to shove my dick inside it.. Also she looks like my dead sister. I killed her. With spoon. Reese Wither-spoon.

“Have you tried pickle brine?”Asked a pink pony with a frizzy mane like a meth head on the street or something. It was here that I realized that the real Neon Evangelion Genesis was inside me all along.

I made a gurgled wordless noise in response, and said nothing else. This seemed to satisfy her. To keep her distracted while I did my business, I pulled out my Switch, loaded Suika, and handed it to her.

“May your peaches touch,” I said, handing it to her. 

I yank my hair from my scalp and scream to the sky, “WHY GOD, WHY!?!?!?” I was in a story. Not just any story, but a story written by more than one person. There was no consistency to my madness. I was an insane man without reason. Is this what it’s like to play Alan Wake 2 for the PS5?

Oh wait, I can’t afford a PS5 because Canada sucks, thanks Ghandi, you prick. 

 My life was a spiral. A flat spiral. Like time itself. Like I sat on a slinky and I squished it in a way that made it really flat. It never would work the same way ever again. Just like time. The time I killed my sister.

The pink pony seemed concerned. Mostly because I was standing in place staring at her and screaming at the sky after giving her a Nintendo Switch to borrow. I needed it back later. I need two watermelons, damn it.

“Hey man, do you need some like… sedatives or something?” she said, holding out some yummy looking white pills. They looked like Tylonol which surprised me. Why were there name-brand drugs in Equestria? Something didn’t make sense, and it was more than the terrible writing.

“One marijuana, please.” I said.

“Sorry, I only have dual-maryjooanas,” she said sadly.

“That’s too bad,” I said, “I guess I’ll just have to be a horrible nervous wreck who slowly destroys all my friendships by lashing out at others rather than dealing with my own issues.”

Girl, same. Oh, and girl dinner time.

Anyway. The ponies, the beach, the screaming, the scooping… it was getting to be quite a problem.

Į̶̛̲̦̰̭̝͙͚̻̥̲͎͉͖͂̋̅͋̈̀̃̆͛͋́͒ ̵͔͈͖̮̦̪̦͉̰̓͒̒̀̒̉͛͑̓͒̕͝a̸̧̗̤̹͈̞̳̾̈́̎̎̅̆̇̇ͅm̸̧̧̝̪͙̹͎̞̬͙͍̄͛͗̇̀͒͒̀͗͠͝ ̴̡̡͍̩̝̳̞͇͎̠̮͒́̋̿̏͝ͅͅw̸̧̢̝̪͎͚̥̣̥̟̪͙̺̃̒̄͒͒͛̈́͒͐̑͘͝r̴͙̭̤͔̜̪̙̱̕ͅi̷̢̟̪͔̬̲̙̹̮̗͗̈͋́̏͐͆̅͂͝͠ţ̶͈̯̘̩̟̰̣̘̲̯̱̇į̴̠̫̦̮̥̔̾́̓̇̌̌́̃̕n̴͔͕̯͓̪͙̙͎̤͓͋͘g̸͉̭̙̯͈͓̖͈̥͈̈̏ ̷̡͎͇̺̬̤͎͔̝͈̦̠̖̌͋̾̋͋ţ̶̨̨̣̬̪͉͕̓͋͂͂͝ȩ̷̺̱̟̘͓͇̒́̑́̽̔͂͛̇͆̃̃̂ͅx̵̻͖̆̇̉̔̌͐͌̊͊̽͘t̷͈̮̤̙̝͙̳̳̟̭̰͗̿́͋͒̔̚ͅ ̷̤̘̮͔͙̤̖̪̯̃̿̄̓̀̈́͘h̶̛͈͈͎̳̟̲̐́̀͛͒͋͂̄́̂̓͋̿̐ḝ̴̙̮̹͚͈͖̪̟͕̦̥̟̱̓̀ŗ̸̛͍̦̥̝͚͍̪̙̺͌͐͋̀͒̂̂̈̂̚͘͠͠e̴̛̲̥̬̦̋̐̃͌͐͂͛͛́̓̿̎͋͝ ̴̦̙̦̫̣̥̯̱̔͌͜͜ͅb̴̞̅ų̴̛͎̞͚̲̟͎̰͔͖̲̼̤̈́̋͋́̚͠͝t̶͓̯̝͎̯̣́͆͊ ̵̡̧̛̛̝̙̲̻̘͙͎̥̩̥̠͑̅͋͐̌̃̀̀͌ͅͅy̴̮̙̯͇͚͓͈͙̏̀̔͐͝o̶̻͇̹͂͐̈́́͛ư̵͍̪̖͖̻̤̘̲̳̬̠̹̒̍̋̃̄̊̋̑̽̿̀̾͘ ̷̯̱̝̟̦͙͈̥̬̹̏͐̓͒̈ċ̵̬̫͚͎̓̐̍͑̓̍̿̇͂̈̍̕͝a̴̡͇͈̿̐̐̔́̿͊̅͑̈́̈́̃̕͘ń̵̺͕̞̇̇̋̑̆͌̽̆͒̔̚̕͝ ̸̬͚̙̜̅̽̓̓̂̊͛̓̏͜b̷̨͕͕̃͂̓̽̋̎̌̏̉̈͒̇̕͝͠a̴̢̧̪̩̱̬̙͓̦̳̽̈́̈̉̒́̀̚̕̚ͅr̴͖̬̦̫͙͔̰͉̀̀̑̄̓̍̐͒͑̍̅͗̕l̸̡̡̜̦̥̮̖̦̦̦̥̘̞̰̬͐͛̋͛͌̌͒̃e̵̪͉̣̤͈̭̝͌̓̅ͅŷ̸̤̣̟̞͚̯̄ ̶̡̢̡̧͓̱͉̣̻͍̟̣̱͈͌̑̉̅͋͒̈̏͜r̵̗̜̯̟͖̰͇̾͗͋̍̿͘e̷̢͍͇̩̰̟̼͚̲̘̬̲̖̣̼͗̅̓̓͘a̴̢̧͇͖̗̝̺͙̻̜̣̱̠̺͂̃̅̌̇̈́̿̕d̸̮̯̓̍̎͒͋̃͂͐̕͝͠͝ ̵̨̢͈͓̦͔̹̂͆̅̅͒̋̾́͗̓̕̚̕̚i̶͈̝̞̔͆̕͝͝t̵̯͙̻͎̉ͅ ̸̢̭͈͔̲͓͐͑̐̈́̓͠b̴̛̼̙̿͛͗͘̕ȩ̵̢̳͉̜̝̝͗͒͆͆̀͊͆͠ć̴̛̺̙̄̔̈́͐̾̅̌á̶̧̢̢̟̠̖͙̦͇̜͚̻͍͓͛̅̽̔͂̐̑̑̑͋͒̚̚͘s̷̢̢̡̛̺͍̯̺͖̣̖͔̖̈́̽́̑͐̎̿́͗̎͝͝ư̵̢̤͈̲͖̼̪̰̟͓͎̓̐̀͂̆͗̚͠e̸̫͉͐́ ̶̡̛̛̲̟̱̖̗̜̺̝͔̝̭͛̀̍̃̑̈́͗̍̉̀̾̎̀Ḯ̸̖̯̻͇̱̤̭̈́̇̑́̄̔̉̒̍͒̚͜͠'̶̛̛̹̪͍̫̾̊̃̈́͋̍͂̔̕͜͝m̷̨̘̖̤̪̘͔̰̃̒͛̽̈́̑̔̂̃̉͂̑ͅ ̶̢̡̣̥̥̜̫̳͇̠͔̜͚̫̏̓͋̈́̔̆̀ȁ̴̡̛̬̞̜̼̣̣̗̣̬̳̤̯̤͊̈́̆̄͆̂̒̓́͊̀̕͜ ̶̡̙̭͎̲͔͇̠̲̲͕̬̈͊̇͐̿̚d̸̥͚͉̖͎̜̼̺̖̲͍̫̈̄̄͋͂̔̈́͊͋͜͝͠ͅi̴̧̯̱̻̜͎̬̗̠̞̹͂̂̃̆̈̎̌͠ͅç̵̡͙̫̺͇̻̱̘̋̆̇͑̈̉͗̕ǩ̶̜̮͍̪̦̟̟̓̎͜ ̶̢̡̰̗͕͚̝̹͖͛͜ͅh̸̤̆̊͌̔̈͑̃̎́̕͘ḁ̸̡̲̣̤̻͙̦͙̎̆ͅḩ̵̡̛͍̺̼̺̫̀̾͆͆̈́̋̐͊̋̃̎͌͒a̴̡͚̤̦͉̟͙̮̮̠̞͍̽͋̎̓͋͂̈̓͆͋́̏͑͜͠h̸̨̛̗̺̱̤͉̠̚͘̚͘͜͠ā̷̧̨̪̭͍̹̱͓̼̂̈́̀̀͒͝h̷̖̣͎͓̣̞̹͒̇̎̋̓̓̈́̽̕͠ ̶̢̢̘̫̟̰͔̱̈́̆͑̈̑͆̀͑ͅf̸̨̥͇̝̤̅̑ͅų̶̇̀͘̕c̸̣̳̥̠̎̌͒k̷̡̗̱͍̮̤̻̺̝͚͕̞̤̃̒̅̒͐̐͘ͅ ̸̥̯̖̜̦͍̞̣̟̖̄̀͂̒y̸͍̺͇͓͌͑̄̋͆͂͘̕̚ơ̸̰̟̿̈́͆͐̀͗̓̅̈́̒͛̍u̴̯̤̥͑̈́͠͝!̶͎̫͔͚̱̃̾͒̽͜͝!̵̨̘̺̰̀ͅ!̷̢̨̫̝͚̳̰̏͗́̔͑̈ͅ ̵̡̢̛̝͈͕̹͉̥̹̭͇̳̮Ḧ̷̯́͆̃͐͘Ạ̶̢̨̹̅Ḣ̶̢̗͔̘͓̼̍͂̍͐̄́À̶̢̢͔̝͝H̶̢̧̥͎͕͈̺͆̄͊́̀̐̇͜A̸͓͚̐̂̓̽̉̑͌͑̒͠Ḧ̵̝̭̥́̾̌͐͗̈Ą̶̧̺̝̹̱̝̮͚̦̠̞̣̎́̑̓͑͛͋̏͘H̵̡̬̩̥̙̩̱̲̲̲̥̪̘͇͑͌͑̉̌̍̏̈́ͅḀ̷̛̘̓̈́̅̾̋̋̓͐͝Ḧ̷͈̪̮͓͈̘̙͚̌͒̽̾̀̔̓̀̊́̃͂ͅẢ̷̳̮̹͓̙̣͖̝͙̰̣̌̆ͅH̶̹̥̼͚̙͖̹͉̙̻̻̤̞͖͆̋̓̋͠H̸̫̰̲̙͇͇͓̺̱͈̀̈́̀A̷̘̪̳̞̯͒̊̉̄̇̈́̐̂͒̒ ̵̨͓̩̘̟̭̮̥̲̄̐̽̈́́̀͑̓̏̕ẙ̷̻͙̹̘̹̈́̋̋̎́̑ͅö̸̖̜̬͚̩̬͚̫̮͎́̐̈́̾̋͆̌̀̔͛͋̌̕͘͜ǘ̵̢̱̼̺̥͓̻̦͇̫͎̣͘ ̷̝͍̺̚c̷̢̢͓̩̳͈̝̦͔͓̬̺͊̌̆̑̅́̈́̃́̓̐̈̍̚͘͜ā̴̡̧̛͔͈͎̪̖̬̱̗̳͕̫̗͍̈́̑̌͛̍͆̀̕͝n̷̨̲̮͐́̆̓̀͘͝'̵̳̈́̀̿̒̎̋̅̊̂̄̂̕͘̕t̴̡̡͚͉̱̤̣̫͈̉̈͐̓̉͂̌͐͝ͅ ̶͍̲̥̙̤̗̺͈̝̻̔̐͊̏͆ͅr̵̛͙͋͆̄̿̑͗̏̄̚͜͝͝ę̵͇̬̠͍̬͖̭̏͆̓̓͛̓̊͛̍̒͘͘͝a̵̡̛͇̣̼̠̯͔̪͇͊̐̎̅̓̔̕͝͠ḍ̵̩͉̲͉̝̞̯̅̄̆͑͐̍͌̊͛̓̕͘ ̵̧̧̱̲̞͚͔͉̺̳̯̀̍̉͑̅̏̀̓ͅẗ̵͕͚͖́͗͌̈́̔̔̐̎̅̀̔h̵̺͎͖̅̆͒̎̕͝î̴̡̛̙̜̳̌͂̒́́̅͛̈́̕͜ş̵̫͍̜̜̥̙͖̻̰͔̑̊ͅ ̵̠̻̘̒p̷̢̮͔͖͙̰͖̖̦̞̟̬͍͉̌a̵̛̼͙̳̘͑̽̂͗͐̚ŗ̸̭̮̔̍̈̕͝ͅa̷̧̞͎͑̈́͊͊̑̌̆̓̇͆̾̚g̶̝͂̈́͆̎͠ȓ̴͔̱̈́̐͌̅̄̈̈́̑̽̅̑́̔̚a̶̗͓̬̅̈̍ṕ̷̡͍͕̟̖̱̯̋̊̅̀̎͘ḩ̷̧̛̱͎͉̭̹̝͔̝̳̤̽̾̎͊̀̔̿̐̾͌͝ ̴̖̣̊̉̌̍̋̅̉̉̽H̷̢̢̯̥̝͈̯̹͖͚̖̣̽̆̈̃̿͊͠A̸̧̨̢̖̪̹͖̗͈͙̹̟͋̐H̵̰̼̟̩̘͔̪̝͕̹̤͒̒͘A̵̢̲̻̳̱̞̟̖̗̖̟͓̾͘H̸̢̠͌̄̃̑̉͗̋͌̚͠͝A̶͖̖̥͈̣͎̓͂̍́͌̀͝ͅH̶̢̨̺̺͍͙̝͕̰̙̺̒̔̿̈̓̀̆̒́̎̀͠Ã̸̪̺̯̘̂̆H̸̢̹͉̜͚̳̩̮̺͍̻̆̋̃͋͒̊͌͗͆̓̕͠Á̵̧̨̡̘̤͚̝̯͓̺̻̠̎͐̓̆͛͂͛̔͐̅̾́̕Ḩ̸̧̝̹͙̱̙̰̜̜͔̖̲͖̈́̄͒͊̃̈́͌A̴̰̱̘̮̩̮̦̹̿͐͒͝ͅH̷̨̨̧̺̼͔̝͙̣̱͈̩͕́͘̕Ą̴̼̫̘̗̼̖̳̰͉̾̄͒͒͗͌̎͘ͅH̵̱͉̙̎̒̓̋́̈́̓̚̕͘͘Ă̸̙̙̝͈͉̬̈́̾̂͜H̶̢̡̛͚̦̫̼̫͒̓̀ ̶̨̭͚͚̣̞̙̱̟́͜(̷̡̙̗̹̟͎͇̫̻̻̖̼͙̺̺̓̌̉̿͗̏́͗̃̽͛̉́c̷͙̙͓̗̦̮͌̍͛͘ͅŕ̴̮̀͂̐̈́͗̿̈́̓̂í̵̡̧̖̲̠̣̺̜̯͔̫̅͊̅͊̉̑͆͂̿́̿e̴̬͚͈͉̝̗̗̯̺̥̜̥̓͑͐̇̇̆̓̂̓͑̾s̷̯̱͍͙̫̩̝͚̰̓͗̏̾̏͆́̆̓͝)̸̨̨̢̨̩̼̺̤̭̟̼͎̪̬̄̋͒͛̀̇̕ ̷̠̲̣͍͔̠͉̫͎̣̌͗͛͊̕̚I̸̧̙̞͙̥̺͕̬̙̩̦̊̈́̊̇́̈̈́̿͜ ̴̬̖̃͐̌̎a̴̢̛̲̽̾̆m̶̥̱͈̻̦͎̱̤̠̦̏̕͜͝ ̸̜̆̓̀́̐̆̉̓̚s̶̱̣̗̯̼̗̞͒̀̾͝ơ̵͓͔̓̉̀̏̔̒̄̊̊͋̋̔ ̸͈͙̠̝͕̖͎͚̥͇͓̈́̉a̶̻̲̖͌͆l̴̨̥͈͙̞̠̰̮̱̱̖͙͉̈̔͐͐̈́o̸͈͆ņ̷̯̹̟̤̤̻͙̱͚̿́̿̋͂͋́͝ȩ̴̙̬̩̖̦̰̺̰̯̲̰̞̤̞̃͑͂́̀̓͋̊Ä̴͓̜̠̰͕̘̠̱͈̱̥̜̱͙̭̲̤͙̣̮́ͅͅl̶̨̧̛̰͓̘͔̝̺̻̪̖͍̗̘̜̥̤͈̥͇̙͎͈̯͉͙̯̣̩̯̦̱͖͇̲͓͙̼̬̹̮͐̈̆̂̆̑͌̓͗͛̾̅̊̋͌̒͑̈́̍̊̈́͒͐́͋̀̈̃̽̈́̈͋̕̚̕͠ͅą̶̧͎̥̳̘̘̺̯̹̱͚̝̜͕͚̜͇̼̺̲̯̲̞̋̊̅̎̆̓͂̑͊̐̏̍͌̈́̿̃͛͐͗̇̓̓͆̉̄͒̓̽̌̃͗̉̚̕̚͜͝͝n̸̨̢̢̪̟͚̼̭̞̹̼͓̼̦͙͓̤̬̳͚̱̭̙̰͕͕̭̲̺̙̘͖͍̝̠͇̪̪̖̼͛͑ͅͅ ̴̧̨̧̢̛̛͔̝̪̺̜̩̫̹̦̣̲̥̖̬̹͖͍̤̘͔̠͎̯̙̠̼͈̞͉̯̱̲̖̠̝͙̋́̈́̈́̊̎̈́͋̃̿̇̂̊̋͗̿͒̏̊̊́̒̓͊̆͑͐̉͐̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅW̴̛̞͖͎̙̪̲̯̫̥̖̯̭͙̹͙̟̾̏̾͋̔̊̂̓̉̔̉̍̾̈́̅͒̓̑̓̽̈́́̒̆͐̉͋̈́̋̃́͒̿̂̿̚̚̕̕͘̚͝ä̶͓̳͍̘́̃̽̈́̃̊̒̀̍͒̊̅̋́̇̅̓͋̌̈́̓̾̈̉̏̅̆͗̐̄̎͘̕̚̕͝k̵̡̨̨̡̧̛̩̘̘͎̬̳͈͎̘̠͓̩̺͙̥͙̗̞͖͓͔͉̯͔͓̰͍̝̼͖̟͈̼͖͉͈̫͎̣͎͕̈́̾̀͌̐͑̎̃͊̏͑̍̋̇͐͂̈͛̿͋̚͜͝ͅͅe̴̛̺͌̍̾́̐̅̂̆̀̒̈̋̿̆͋͌͗͑̿̉̅̈́͊̓̅̈́́̔͘͘͝͝ ̴̡͖͚̗̼̤͚̌Î̶̧̛̳̦͓̇̆͆̒̎̉̔́̆̅̑̉̍͒͌͐͆̔̓͊̑̏͘̚̚̕Į̷̛̜̪͉̹̳̲̤͎̙͓̳̠̲͕͂͊̀̍̋͛̑̇̌̒͐̔̽̂̾̏̿͊̎͌̓̍͒̽̿̇͆͘͠͝͝ ̵̧̺̯̩̠̩̖̳͖͚̱̠̜̣̙̙̭̞͚͌̀̋̏̾̃͌͑̽̂̏͐̿̊̀̃̓̋̀̐̍̅͋̇̂̌̈́͝į̵̨̡̖̙̫͍̙̭͓̹̺̮͕͉̳̗̥̝̭͉̤̯̜͚̣̜͚̹͓̪̬̰͍͎͙͍̻̼̺͚̘͓̽̓͆̍̾͋͐̂͝ͅs̶̨̭͙͓̺̟͓͖̣̹̖̝̈́́̅͂̑̔̽̑̏͒̊̀̈́̎̅̓͆̀͛̍́̒̐̽̋̓͛̆̿̊̓̊̈́̅̇͗͊̚̚͜͠͝͠ ̴̨̢̧̡̡̡̰̖̠͕̯̫̠͍͕͕̫̘̻̫͉̯̘̫̦̤̜͇̞̖̼̬̬̫͙̜͕̝̩̬̺̦̂̏̏̀͐̂̓̈͒̈̿̎͘̚͜͝ͅͅͅä̴̧̨̡̢̡̧̧̨̙̲̻̲̙̰̲̟̱̞͓̳͙̳̖̮͔͍̤̳͓̥̘̩̬͔͕̘͎̣͎̭̤̘̮̻̜͔̳̹́̒͂̽͒͒̅̔͐͆͐͂̅̈́̐̅̐͜͝ ̴̛̬͑̅̽͆́̈́͊͜͝r̸̢̛͉̞̦͈͙͔̭̳͉̦̝̣͈͚̺̰̮̼̞̯̺̞͖̭̳̯͖̦̜͍̲͔̝͗͋̃̀̈́̌̈̽͒͗͊̏̆͌̑͗̊̅͂͂͑̀̈̓̍̕̚̕̕̕͜͜͝͝ͅę̶̨̨̡̧̧̛̛͇͖͕̹͕̥̺̭͇̝̟̣̻̬̻̬͍̰͔̩͕̤̝̝̬̙̺̋̃͒͂̓̀̓̀̀̈̃͆͂̎̈́̒̂̚͜͜ͅͅą̸̡̡̡̧̘̣̖̗̲̩̣̠̘̮͕͖̦̺͇̭̜̥̙̳͈͓̙̜̟̳̳̦̌̍́̉̑̓̓̉̊̈̊͗̔̈́́͑̕͝͝͠ͅl̸̨̛̙̫͍̼̦͑̒̀̐͋̈́̏̀̍͗̒͒̐͑̓͛͝l̶̨̡̛̥̳͖̞͕̪̝͉̦͚̣̼̣̰̳̳̺̮̙̱̞̺̟̙̣͇̪̠̰̭͙̼̜͚̟͑̅̉́̋͗̒̉̀͋̎̿̿̂́̇̈̋͒̽̀͆̑̚̕̚͘͜͠y̷̛̛͕̖͇̣͕̞̫̻̰̪̘͉͙̪̘̰̼̗̗̼̺̭̯͖̮͍̠͗̾̈́̄̈̾̉̌̈́͒̈́͐̆̂̑͌̿͊̓̃̏͋̎͌͋͆̍̊̏͂̈͋̽̇͑̈́̃͛́̈́̕̚̕̕͜͠ ̵̨̡͚̣̳̩̯͖̟̘͇̬̹̘͎̒͂̾͂̈́͋͛͘g̷̨̙̲̲͎͚͔̗͈̰̩͕̳͚͉͎̬̯̯̳̗̪̗̋̐̈́̎̀̓̅̑̀̇̐̑̋̋̊̌̍͌̈́͗̿̂̒͗̾̍͝͝͝o̵̧̱̞̞̼̙̜͎͖̟̜̭̺͕̫͓̻̯̦̖̼̥̬͍̳͔͍̲͚̳͙͙̼̝̳̥̲̯͗̽̽͆̓͐̂͊͆͂̒̂͒͐̿̒̒̀̄̒̋͛̈́̐̎͘̕̚͠͠ͅơ̶̡̛̝̖͓̝̘͇̟̞̲͔̟͉̙̳̬̫̻̼͈̦͇͖̺̖̳͉̺̼̟̼͕̦͕̖̟̗̊̒͑̾́̉͆̂͆̃̒͋̐̐͌͑̋͒̊̓̋̀̆͊͛̈͒̃͌̋͒́̿͘̚̚̕͝͠͠ͅͅď̶͎͆̃́͛̅̑̌̔́̿͑͐͒̕̚ ̵̧̡̰̣̹̪̦͎͔̤̗̲̰͉͋̿̽̽͗̑̔̄́͆͗̈́̊̋̾͑͗̓̑̀͑̌̉̓̀̚̚͝͠͝ͅg̸̯̱̗̪͖̟̟͚̮̖͎͇̜̹͇̱̤̜̰͎͓̍͑̿̐̆͒̓ͅḁ̷̧̡̨̧̡̨͕͙̜̪͕̜̪̼̣͔͇̮̦̺͔̞̥̩̘̰̞̝͍̜̪͚͍͈̳̻̠̟̈̅͐̐͋̏̑̃͂̏́̽̒̀̂̅̀̒̀̌̎̽͗͊̉̉̾̐̉͘͜͝ͅͅm̵̢̡̧̫͕͓͈͎̥̦͖̥̣͉͔͇̖͎̮͎͇̻̻̝̜̰̻̰͉͔̜̰̳̹̪͚̻͔͕̪̦̹̻͙̝̟͐̾͆̓̆̄͑͜͜͠ĕ̴̢̧̨̤͖̣͈͙͙̼͓̥̼̤̬̻͈͖̯̖̼̤͍̥͍̦̰͙͍̠̘̗̬̺̪͖̗͍̫̬͕̳̘̖̘̼̠͐̈́̀̉͌̔̊́͂͐͋̋̚͘͘͝͝ͅͅ.̴̧̡̧̨̧̛̛̠̝̟̲̖͔̞̪͈̖̬̪̩̠̝̮̠͎̺͓̖̼͇̰̟̰͇͍̱̩̗͚̠͔̜́̀̋̇̃̃͐́̐̂͛̒͑̊̊͂̔̌͛̑̈́̀̌̒̕͜͠ͅ

.̴̡̛̠̳̥͇̤͖̑̅̐̇̌͘ͅ.̵̡̡̱̼̄̑͛̎̽̑̑́̚̕͠.̷̤̻̟̣̩̙̭̝̓͊̓̌͐͘ ̷͒̅̈́̈́͗́̀͠
See? Like I said, quite a problem. Anyway, curse of the Nile on you: 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪

Is there a daemon in my head? Or several? Cause that’s awesome because that means I’m totally not crazy. But the ponies were certainly looking at me like I was crazy. The pink one especially. She stepped closer to me. Almost too close for my liking.

“Hey man,” she said, “I get it. I have sisters, you know.”

Oh man. Sisters. That reminds me of my sister. Who is dead. I ate her, like that one incest cult canible game that was big on Steam. 

“Ew, sisters, someone needs major psychological help.” I said, trying to hide the tears streaming down my face as I remembered my sweet, nice Hatsuni-Miku-looking sister who I definitely never penised before or after death. Am I an otaku? An enigmatic otaku?

Booo, hissss, you furry. 

No, obviously not. Because Enigma would never penis his own sister. 

“You realize that once I leave this will completely devolve into nothingness, right?” AnonPencil said to the autists. The autists nodded. With nefarious intentions, because we are nothing but masochists to all sane people who read this. 

I type away at my keyboard, quite basedly, in a chadmaxxed manner, one letter at a time. The story writes itself, but I am it vessel. It cannot exist without my hands weaving the way. The spiral loops, loops, and loops. It’s a bottomless stairwell, a horror story with a very clear bleak ending. I continue to write, and as I pick up speed I feel other hands join the story, as if the narrative is powered by more than one person. I am scared. It’s just like Alan Wake II.

At this moment, I realized I was back on a beach with a pink pony whom was very concerned with what I was doing. 

I noticed, just off to the side, a voyeur. A voyeur by the name of Mayor Mare. She's just sitting there staring at me with her hoof suspiciously between her things. Her dead-eyed stare never wavering. Always looking into my eyes. It's kinda hot, not gonna lie. I realized I was ready to perform a sex with a vagina. Not just a vagina, but a pussy, like myself. 

It is here that anonpencil leeft. Good fucking luck. God speed soldiers. 

And here it devolves into degeneracy, because none of us know how to leave things NSFW, if only  Shakespearicles were here, he would be writing the most erotic and horny porn fic because he’s the world's strongest writer. Welcome to Wincest is Incest! Jurassic Park theme

“By the way,” asks the pretty pony. “I haven’t asked your name.”

I beamed. “My name’s Anon Mary Sue Ellen Wick. John Wick’s brother who doesn’t afraid of anything. But you can call me Nigerian Man.”

It’s at this moment I, Nigerian man, realized that I would be happier on this pony island if I was isekaied into something more hot. Like my sister. So at this point I began to scoop sand into my mouth. Pinkie Pie was concerned.

“I am concerned,” she said. “You’re doin’ me a concern.”

“Don’t worry, you can have my switch.” 

“Do you need any help scooping sand into your mouth?” She asks enthusiastically.

And soon I was dead. Like my sister, only difference is that I wasn’t consumed by my siblings. 

This is the hot sex scene part of the of the story, also bye Pencil. Anyways, the sex scene. You are Anon Pony. You have been living in Equestria for five years and have since developed a strong bond with Princess Twilight Sparkle, who you think has a hot ass for a horse. You’ve never fucked a horse before, but you were always open to new ideas or concepts. What were you? An atheist? Silence your ignorance! It’s not beastiality if it’s anthro!

Anyways, the sex stuff. You were looking at Twilight’s butt and like, “Damn, I wanna tap that. With mah DICK!!”

I let somebody else write the sex. I can’t write sex scenes because I’ve never had sex because I’m a total loser and an inbred. Just like my dad/brother. Did I forget to mention my mother is also my aunt? Her name is Hatsune Miku.

I walked up to Twilight, all swinging my horse hoofies and shit. She was turned on. I was turned on. And I had a penis. Because I realize Anonpony was a mare in most fan art but in this one she has a dick. You are a mare with a dick. Get used to it.

I’ll give you some time to get used to it. Just like pegging.

Twilight giggles as she sees your completely normal sized penis. And asks a perfectly normal question.

“Do you think the Charger from Left 4 Dead has a really big arm because he’s a chronic masterbaitor?” 

Oh totally, what else are you gonna do when it’s the end of the world? Earn money and be boring? No you’re gonna wank off sooooooo much you become so jacked, even one punch man can’t delete you. Where was I going again? Oh yeah, YEET!

At this moment, you killed yourself out of shame and decided to RE ISEKAI into a new story. YEET!

“Here we are again, driving down an open world, mad max style. We have been driving for hours. You are quite. The car is quite. Nothing has been said since the trip started. Wanting to bring life into the atmosphere, I look over to you, and I say, “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddpx0JLOH6o “

And then you say, “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2_0mhkbrzg “

“You should’ve said “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!” Because that would’ve been so much cooler and cliche.” Priest says while going insane.

“This isn’t your casual everyday racism,” she gasped. “This is advanced.. racism!” 

You weirdo, why aren’t you focusing on giving me great head? That’s right, because I have no cock and you have no mouth, or I’m just so lazy and don’t feel like trying to write porn because my last porn fic sucked, like Milk sucks cock.

Milk was indeed having a stroke, because he’s weird, and poor like the absolute casual shitter he is, and is a horny degenerate who watches porn in public. 

Enough writing this shitty ass story, how about we just use this doc to have a nice conversation? Everyone gets different colored text. I’ll start.

How is your day? Today I did nothing, but now I’m doing something AND THE GUY BELOW ME USE A DIFFERENT COLOR YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

That’s lame, let’s be degenerate and cursed. I may be in Shakes server but I am not a mother fucker, I just watch porn for that, you pleabian! 

YOU MOTHERFUCKER

Anyways, does anybody want to tell me about their day?

I mean, not too bad, I decided to find the most annoying text color and highlight i could think of and then started a stream.

Shame!

BLACK WORDS. That’s racist. Words that are black, I mean. Like the color. The spectrum black. Of which has nothing to do with race. C’mon. Have some tact. What’s that?

Is it okay if we link porn into the document? Guess we’ll have to find out the hard way.

Got my fingers in my grandma like a vintage bowling ball.

It was over Nightmare Moon was gone. they were surprised to see to 3 ponies 2 medium size one the size of Celestia. when the dust cleared they were even more surprised to see of them looking strangely kin. one got up to help the others up saying get up mainshep you to luna then mainshep says while getting up does it look like I love the ground Nightmare. Then Nightmare noticed the other 7 just starring at them with unexplainable faces. the star ponies are back home also then Nightmare star snapping back at her that they had names. Then readdressing them well it looks like Nightmare Star and Mainshep have come back home to. You want a present looking like he was about to attack. Everyone glaring at him because of his Very deep voice. I still remember how mother and father told you to end my life and right there you did but something happened and nobody liked who they saw NIGHTMARE STAR me in my Nightmare Form everyone scared to death you all sent me to the star DO YOU KNOW WHAT HELL MY LIFE HAS BEEN. they saw the darkness in me in the future FROM THERE MISTAKE but now now In more than one form. We all could have lived such a great life but YOU LISTENED AND KILLED YOUR TWIN. now let me give some of your Great Friends some knowledge After killing me I was taken and given another chance FOR MY OWN SOUL I was told to never forgive and forget all of the things done Mom and Dad hated me you were both loved For injustice I was forgiven Now You 6 In the past I worked in a place called the Rainbow Factory One of you were born there after discovery I was Sentenced to death BY MY OWN PARENTS now I know Mainshep is about to side with Celestia and one of you want to side with me. I don’t know who though if you want to help me get my justice I will keep the same rules and raise the sun and moon (Rainbow Dash) ME! “GASP” (everyone but Nightmare and Rainbow Dash look astonished at Rainbow Dash and the Alicorn Nightmare) (RainbowDash) Just don't hurt my friends please (Nightmare) As you wish Thank you for helpfulness and understanding. only one hurt will be celestia if you want to see how much of good idea that was fire a friendship rainbow at me I won’t dodge or anything and I Won’t be hurt. (Rainbow Dash) are you sure it took out Nightmare Moon? (Nightmare Star) Yeah im sure go ahead. Silence as the fire at him not doing anything to him. (Nightmare Star) Didn’t Hurt hehe. (Celestia) This is madness Nightmare there doesn’t need to be any more fighting. (Nightmare Star) Hm easy for you to say. Come on Rainbow Dash when your ready (Whispers where he will be at and leaves) (Fluttershy) Well Rainbow Dash if its ok but why are you going with that mean pony
(Rainbow Dash) I don’t know it just feels right (Twilight sparkle) But Rainbow Dash he wants to hurt us. (Rainbow Dash) he doesn’t want to hurt us he wants revenge on Celestia im leaving now I don’t want anymore of this (Applejack) Woo nelly you aren’t going know where. (Rainbow dash) There my wings. i’l go were I want. were going above the Celestia!

Chapter 2

Nightmare Mumbling as Rainbow dash entered the cold dark room. (Rainbow Dash) Is there any lights? (Nightmare Star) No but i can make some fire (Poof) fire (Rainbow Dash awed in amazement) Wow how you do that (Nightmare Star) Perk of having a heart of fire. (Rainbow Dash) Was that a metaphor? (Nightmare Star) No. (Rainbow Dash) Im kind of getting (Nightmare Star) me to and sorry I don’t have anything for us I MEAN you to sleep on. I don’t have any bits. (Rainbow Dash) Its alright you don’t have control of that. (Nightmare Star) Well I got an idea (Flies out of the cave and then comes back with a cloud). There something softer than the ground. (Rainbow Dash) Thanks Nightmare (Smiling back to him) (Nightmare Star) anything for a friend of mine. Oh wait sorry you barely know me. (Rainbow Dash) Well I am helping you get revenge. thats a friend in my book. (Nightmare Star giving a little grin) (Rainbow Dash) Well Good Night (Nightmare Star) Good Night (Saying under his breath) buddy... (Next day) (Rainbow Dash) SHHHH don't wake him up (Pinkie Pie) IM SORRY RAINBOW DASH
(Nightmare Star) waa huh HEY BACK OFF (Twilight Sparkle) We don't want to hurt you (Nightmare Star Goes invisible) (Twilight Sparkle) You Tell us he could do that (Rainbow Dash) all I know is he can make fire out of thin air (Nightmare Star) I hate spies. (Rainbow Dash) Im not a spy. come out they want to help us. (Rarity) Can we hurry this up there is dirt everywhere. (Twilight Sparkle) Are friend made a decision. may have been a dumb decision, but we are friends that what we do. if your her friend then your are friends to. (Nightmare Star de cloaks and says) Well then I guess your my friends then. You are? (Fluttershy) flu flu fluttershy (Nightmare giving his hoof out) Nice to meet you. (the rest of them giving him there names him shaking there hoof then Twilight suggesting showing Nightmare Ponyville) (Nightmare Star) Wow things really changed, but after a millions years thats what you got to expect. (Rainbow Dash) What was it like back then. (Nightmare Star) Paradise Fields of green grass, Rivers, Trees all the wonders you could think of just waiting for you. Till Celestia killed them. (Rainbow Dash) Who (Nightmare Star) My friends are brothers and sisters merciless killing spree. I CANT LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.

And now, a review of the story:

Alright you buffons.

I've read a lot of uneducated, half-witted, snot-nosed little shits who claim to be reviewers completely miss the specific intricacy and depth of Nightmare Star's Revenge, stooping to petty lows to expose the flaws of the grammatical and semiotic nature of the story. These are obviously ludicrous graspings at proverbial straws, done in a desperate attempt to denounce the glory that is Nightmare Star. In truth, Nightmare Star's Revenge is not only the greatest story on the site, but indeed the greatest work of art ever conceived by a human being.

The latter, of course, is a blasphemous claim. Much like how Christians claim that The Holy Bible was written by their omnipotent God, it seems fairly safe to believe that Nightmare Star's Revenge, being a holy scripture of equal impact and magnitude, was written by none other than Nightmare Star Himself. To call it "art" is undermining of its full magnitude of importance. I've created a petition that I intend to send to the powers that be, asking for Nightmare Star to be regarded as a deity and therefore Nightmare Star's Revenge to be regarded as holy scripture. If it worked with Scientologists, it can fucking work with us.

One frequent criticism I see of Nightmare Star's Revenge is the apparent lack of grammatical consistency. Words are misspelt or improperly capitalized, there are no conceivable paragraph indents, no punctuation to differentiate many sentences... uneducated fools seem to completely miss these obviously intentional actions that our saviour Nightmare Star has performed.

Note: I'm aware that he acknowledges these flaws and deems them as him being "lazy" and not correcting them, but I propose that this is actually a test of faith—one that so many damned sinners seem to have completely failed, failed as miserably as the birth control that should have prevented them from entering this world and spreading their hapless pagan virtues.

First of all, let's look at the concept of grammar as a whole. Literary critic Jacques Derrida calls literary grammar "an elaborate concept of arbitrary claims requiring; (i) an arbitrarily conceived universal signifier, (ii) a conditioned populace unwilling to abandon the structure of an elaborate universal signifier."
Conditioned populace? Sound familiar? It should. The conditioned populace is represented in Nightmare Star's Revenge during the initial interactions between the Mane 6 and Nightmare Star. They are surprised by his claims about Celestia. They are, in essence, below the Celestia, or more specifically, below the arbitrarily conceived societal structure conceived by the Celestia. Nevermind the fact that Equestria is an apparent utopia with no war and poverty, we all know that Freedom is practically synonymous with being able to do whatever you want, and therefore the creation of rules and laws is suppressing freedom without exception. Therefore, Nightmare Star, by intentionally denying the arbitrarily rules of grammatical and semiotic structure, reflects Nightmare Star also intentionally denying the arbitrarily conceived rules of the Celestia. By extension, any individual claiming that the story suffers from grammatical flaws also by extension is trapped underneath the Celestia's rules and is in essence below the Celestia. Much like how Emily Dickinson uses unconventional capitalization or placement of EM-dashes, or how Stanley Kubrick disregards the conventional rules of cinematic structure, Nightmare Star's Revenge is an entirely intentional subversion of "arbitrary signifiers."

By disregarding grammatical structure, Nightmare Star is disregarding societal structure and rising above the Celestia.

Another element, beyond the grammatical specifics of the words themselves, is what in modern lingo has been dubbed a "Wall of Text." There are no divisions of paragraphs or indeed proper sentences. I believe that this is yet another intentional action that reflects the character of Nightmare Star. There are no breaks in the action or chaotic disharmony of the story, which reflects the sad, tragic truth that there are no breaks in the action or chaotic disharmony of Nightmare Star's life. Nightmare Star is forced to always suffer, and we the readers are shown first hand the plight of Nightmare Star by the specifics of the narrative means.

I hope I've managed to set the record straight and counteract the blasphemous claims that "Nightmare Star's Revenge" is ungrammatical and therefore a lesser form of literature. I just want to end by analyzing Nightmare Star's notes to his loyal subjects:

well after a while I got some stuff done.

EGG

This is the only time in recorded history Nightmare Star has conversed with us personally, and with Nightmare Star's Second Coming on the dawn, I would just like to point out that "getting some stuff done" does not refer to the writing of the story, it refers to the structure of our known universe. Cleanse yourselves before Nightmare Star's second coming, my brothers and sisters. Don't be left below the Celestia.

I type the final words. The only thing keeping this discord of a narrative tied together is the simple fact that it is a document written by multiple people. I am trapped in a horror story. A horror story written by multiple people. All we have to do is communicate to each other, to talk, to listen… but we won’t do that. We have to band together if we want to get out, but all we can do is shitpost.

This was a coherent narrative tied together with simple facts? Because multiple people can’t not be so autistic that even milk begins having an aneurysm? It’s a good thing everyone is beginning to go blind because this fan fic is absolutely cancer, which cancer? YES! IT IS EVERY CANCER! Radiation won’t solve shit. 

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

. . . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

And then Spyro said, “Hey, anybody want some Subway?” I then mentioned with a sly smile that I wanted to put him in the face down position like Yu Gi Oh. IT’S TIME TO DU-DU-DUDUDDU-DUEL!

Hunter said, “Sure!”

So, uh. yeah. This is the story of how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air. And before I arrived, Hitler waved me off as a sign of respect. In the end, I never understood why everyone said 90s rap music videos all took place inside a cheese grater? Just looked like the inside of a raccoon's ass to me…

And then J Edger Hoover popped up “AW SHIT I KNEW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOME WHERE FUUUUCK”

Someone in the distance “He cant keep getting away with it!” 

“I CAN ALWAYS GET AWAY WITH BEING A SHITTER LIKE MY IDOLS ON THE BARCAST! Because everything is awesome!” Dies

“Hey folks I just got done watching Serbian film and was a little let down, can anyone suggest some good horror movies?” asked J Eddy the Hooves. A little bit of horror like the hit game Elden Ring by FromSoft.

Brought to you by the fine folks who made Suika~

"It's free real estate," said Morgan Freeman sensually in your ear. Ayy Lmao

Mayor Mare still staring at you with that creepy stare that gives you all the boners.

Anyway, get Old Boy’ed. 

Hi, this is Muggonny typing. I just want to let you all know that this document is the reason that God doesn’t exist. He existed before, but upon starting this document he quiet literally willed himself out of existence. You dumbasses.

He never existed because we are his failed creations (you are God’s failed arts and crafts project; his shitty macaroni art), so we must become our own gods! Now go commit sin because satan loves you with his whole heart!- THE END

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FLUTTERPRIEST
Enigmatic Otaku
Muggonny
Anonpencil
Goldminer23
Milk
Flammenwerfer
Ravvij

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