Life of Twi by Muggonny

What childhood is complete without an active imagination? It is the heart of progress. Innovation wouldn't exist without it because it is what helps us make sense of the world around us. The facts we take for granted as adults can be beyond understanding for children, and as such, imagination helps them fill in the gaps. The acting, as if in a play, provides an engaging, fun outlet for them to develop their cognitive capacitance.

Let's take some of the themes behind the play Twilight acted out in the story. Mystery, suspense, tragedy, death. If one were to disassemble scenes and analyze them for what they are, they may come to the conclusion that Twilight is trying to wrestle with the unknown, the uncertainty regarding a real life event. If the author plans to continue this, some consideration may go into what the event is which spurred this act of imagination. Was it the death of a relative? Is this somehow related to Shining Armor? He's in boot camp; if she doesn't have the full grasp of what that means, then maybe she might be fearing him getting hurt in his field of work. And the act of playing can downplay some of the fears she has revolving around it.

In execution, the story was a dark comedy. A lot of the humor in it is dry, within subtext of the prose. The act of her playing out this imaginative scenario casts a unique perspective solely to her. She has this ruby sword, and she and all her little toys are running around, armed to the teeth to take down a King of Cowardice. One cannot help but wonder what this must look like to the outside perspective. I certainly imagine that one kid with a wooden sword, striking a box fort twice the size of him. It's humorous to me.

I am also appreciative of the execution of the direct form of comedy. It was not in my face, as it were, and took a bit of thought to get. To set the scene, Potato is one of her toys. I'll just provide it and let it stand as-is.

I looked back at my two remaining companions, finally noticing we were down one. “Where’s Potato?”

All Double Vision did was look down sadly. Smarty Pants was the one to speak. “He got mashed in the avalanche.”

Now, a joke like this may receive a few eye-rolls or sarcastic 'har hars' (in the case of my husband), but it is of my opinion that this joke was well placed. Somehow it hadn't occurred to me when one of her toys named Potato was going into battle that this would be joke would be fired. It felt natural to me, since there had been an avalanche in the climax of her adventure. That might not have been the case had Potato been whipped by the tendrils in their fight, for example. (the word 'mashed' would not have fit seamlessly into Double Vision's response.)

There's a couple of detractors in this story, and I am glad they were not as prevalent as they could have been. The first one that I've found is with regards to Twilight's articulation of words at the beginning of the story. In the opening scene, she was missing two teeth, which resulted in a temporary speech impediment. This is perfectly normal in a growing individual, but in Twilight's case, I found it slightly odd. I'll provide a few examples and then explain my findings.

“I neeth thu spith!”

“Thu you really hath thu go thu Throthingham? Whothe going thu look afther me? I prefer spenthing the summer with you!”

The sounds that Twilight had issue with here seem to revolve around the 'D' and the 'T' ('da' and 'te'). However, one or two missing teeth doesn't really have a drastic effect on enunciating those sounds. One can try forming the sounds, and find that it involves touching the tongue to the roof of the mouth. In the case of the 'te', a missing tooth can create a lisp, but this wouldn't result in a 'th' sound. Furthermore, that sound is actually harder to make with missing teeth. Fortunately, this was not a sufficiently detrimental of an issue to detract from my enjoyment of the story, and is quickly discarded as a plot device with the help of Twilight's magic. (though this does pose a question of whether or not this ultimately ends up being just a gimmick if one delves too deep into the analysis of the story).

Another thing that stood out to me was that I seemed to get lost spatially, as well as intent, at times in the narrative. This is not a big factor either since it mostly set within the realm of her imagination, but I stumbled through some of the transition of the various actions they took, interspersed with their dialogue. It isn't too difficult, however, to suspend the disbelief with regards to these two functions and let yourself get lost in the idea of her adventure.

I am totally behind the first person perspective for this story, as the narrative decision to do so results in us being able to see the adventure through her eyes. The trade off was that we missed out on some of the nuances and description that would give the reader an outside perspective of what's happening outside of her imagination. We don't know what the avalanche before was actually like, for example. Was it pillows or books? We didn't get to see any breakaway to see her avoiding detection from her babysitter or parents so that she can continue her fantasy. Keep in mind that this isn't a negative, as another perspective, say the third person limited, would have taken away some of the focus from the intent behind this story. The only question I wish to pose is, might have there been a way to add more 'avalanches' hidden throughout the play? Keywords to jump start our imaginations into what might actually be happening as she takes action.

This was a delightful read as-is. The temporary speech impediment, while I found to be slightly inaccurate, meant well to the story. There was clear thought put into the execution of the plot, its flow and grammar appeared strong to me. Other minor issues weren't recurring to me, so I didn't feel it necessary to point them out. The story is marked as incomplete, but it feels complete to me, and gives a nice sense of closure for me at the end. I feel satisfied coming away from this piece. And it is for these reasons that I am accepting this story.

Verdict: Acceptance (8/10)

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I should probably mention that I plan on rewriting the ending since it kind of falls flat. Otherwise, I'm glad you really enjoyed the story! This chapter alone took an entire month to write while balancing it on top of school, so there was some difficulty getting it out. Most of your criticism is justified and I'll be finding ways to apply this to the narrative of my story.

As for continuing it, I am quite unsure. The difficult part is keeping up a consistent tone when the entire first chapter was an adventure through dreamland. The next chapter is completely normal. The problem is, I want to find a way to balance it out. That will be a while, as I'm working on a new fic that I feel very passionate about, so I'll therefore be diverting my attention to that.

My only real issue with this review is it was a bit of an overanalysis. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm really flattered you see something worth analyzing in this story -- and you're not too far off. The missing teeth only look like missing teeth. Or do they? Do I really have something planned for that? I don't know, you'll find out when I continue the story.

There were a few notes you missed, such as the black alicorn, something I've been really wanting people to touch on. It's detrimental to the storyline, and I'd like more people to pay attention to it. You also could have spent a little time analyzing the kingdom and its history. There are some moments that are way over-the-top dark, but once you go through it you can really piece some things together.

Was it the death of a relative? Is this somehow related to Shining Armor? He's in boot camp; if she doesn't have the full grasp of what that means, then maybe she might be fearing him getting hurt in his field of work. And the act of playing can downplay some of the fears she has revolving around it.

I'll be honest, Shining Armor going to Boot Camp is only mentioned because I knew he wanted to be in the Royal Guard, and I needed an excuse to not have him in the story for what's coming up.

Now, a joke like this may receive a few eye-rolls or sarcastic 'har hars' (in the case of my husband), but it is of my opinion that this joke was well placed.

Your husband has never had a best friend quite like a potato.

Also, I didn't realize how well that joke worked until now. I just added that in on a whim. But now that I think about it, I really lost myself in these characters. Making each one distinctive was the most difficult part. The only ones I planned for really were Smarty Pants and Buckaroo Yee-Haw, who was originally meant to appear as a storybook character instead of a toy.

I'm glad you understand the first-person perspective. That's exactly what I wanted out of it. That, and because it felt faithful to the previous story. It was also difficult to write, as I had to focus heavily on writing an atmosphere and at the same time writing this witty filly.

I hope to continue this story. Consider it a temporary hiatus until I feel like putting my other project down long enough to focus on this one. But until then, I agree that the first chapter is a good place to consider an ending, which is why I think it's best to take things slow until I know for sure how I'm going to execute the coming plot properly.

The next chapter is completely normal. The problem is, I want to find a way to balance it out.

Good luck with that! I myself would not know where to begin to seamlessly tie the fantasy and the normalcy.

My only real issue with this review is it was a bit of an overanalysis.

That's kind of how I am most of the time. If I don't, then I don't know if the explanations I give make sense. I've dispensed analysis in the past that was not sufficiently acceptable to some authors in the past (I'm talking over the span of the past year and a half for temporal reference).

There were a few notes you missed, such as the black alicorn, something I've been really wanting people to touch on.

See, I saw that, too, but I didn't have an answer for it. I couldn't provide you an answer for it that was sufficient in my eyes.

You also could have spent a little time analyzing the kingdom and its history.

I'm afraid I don't have much analysis to dispense with regards to those concepts at this time. The thoughts I shared were what I took away from the story.