Title: Lost in Paradise
Author: NaiadSagaIotaOar
Reviewed by: That one RationalCritic
Amount read: ALL
Verdict: 7.25 out of 10 Accept
Date: 8 October 2018

Lost In Paradise certainly is a story of character, and of long thought. It is easily distinguishable from most stories on Fimfiction, for reasons not immediately obvious. This is a story that takes from many aspects Canon Equestria Girls and crafts its own back story for the events following the Rainbow Rocks movie, and, though many of the details on this “new” world are not shown, we get a sense that this world has adopted some very negative tendencies.
Now, going into the review portion, we will begin with our analysis.

Perhaps the greatest strength of this story is its ability to show minimal glimpses of the world around Adagio and Sunset and still give an ominous air to the world. We can see early on that all is not well, despite Sunset Shimmers most optimistic attempts at keeping the illusion that everything is absolutely fine. And, when the happy veil of illusion is dispersed, we see that things start to go down hill very fast for the relationship that Sunset and Adagio share.
Adagio in this story, as evidenced by the authors own commentary, not exactly the Adagio one would come to expect. In this world events took a turn, initially for what seems to be for the best, that resulted in changing of the character that is Adagio.
The plot here is another strong point for this story, however, this story is not without its issues, though minor as they are.
Lost In Paradise (or perhaps more descriptively, as this reviewer sees it, Paradise Lost) suffers early on from the issue of being highly skeletal in its writing. That is not to say that the writing is Thin , it is to say that the vast majority of paragraphs are very short. A large amount of paragraphs can be condensed in order to give each individual paragraph more substance. Short one to two sentence paragraphs can be used effectively to emphasize something, however, that technique loses its effectiveness when it is overly used for even the most mundane of paragraphs.
For example:
Sunset deliberately kept her smile from warping into a frown. It did not come easily. “Oh. That’s interesting.”
She didn’t want to ask anything further, so she waited until she’d convinced herself she had to.
“Does this have anything to do with that dream you had?”
Not only are these paragraphs interconnected, along with a confusing use of paragraph break with dialogue from the same character, but they could perhaps be better organized as one paragraph.

Other than the issues before mentioned this story only suffers from very minor grammar mistakes at times with commas.

Lost In Paradise was a highly enjoyable story for this reviewer, however, it suffers from a few issues. And despite the minor degree that these issues are at, they indelibly damage the story. A good note, however, is that since these are minor issues they can be easily fixed. This story could easily, with revision, earn an 8 or even possibly higher. I feel confident in this authors ability to make better works in the future, and I hope that they will continue to submit stories for review.

Naiads are water nymphs

6614327
That's part of the reason my name is what it is

Anyway, thanks again for the review! Glad you enjoyed it

(or perhaps more descriptively, as this reviewer sees it, Paradise Lost)

Could you elaborate on this? Not quibbling, just curious as to what thought process lead to you saying that.