First Impressions

Bland. That’s the first word that comes to mind when I look at your synopsis, and the first paragraph doesn’t dissuade it. Twilight Sparkle is writing. An interesting task, and one I’m familiar with the struggles of. That in and of itself might seem daunting to one who has struggled with writer’s block in the past, and perhaps you intended to play on those shared emotions.

Then again, perhaps not. The very language of the synopsis portrays blandness, and the desire to escape it. So perhaps I owe you compliments for that. And of that realization, I notice that this is a slow flavour of writing, one that must rest on the tongue a moment to be fully appreciated. Descriptive, yet somehow vague. Enlightening, but illuminating nothing. Exciting, and all the same boring. A hint at talents beyond what most could achieve, or appreciate.

Or maybe I’m just reading too far into it. Let’s find out.

The Review

I notice at first that your writing is deceptively poetic. There is an air about it that speaks of artistry and emotion, yet maintains a humble simplicity almost innocent in its nature. A spark of inspiration dancing gayly within the dismal doldrums of a bored mind. And as any creator knows, boredom breeds creativity.

You have my attention.

I chuckled at Comet’s letter. Here we see the true test of an author’s skill. In just over a hundred words, you’ve told me nothing about this pony but her name, and yet you’ve shown me many things, from her curious and inventive mind to her rich talent and firm sense of responsibility. I can infer from the personality to her writing—a rare thing in so few words—that she is female, even before you confirm it a few sentences later, and anyone could tell she is a unicorn. I can almost hear her saying these lines, a testament to how organic and natural they sound. I also find her quite endearing, hence the chuckle.

Quite the feat with so short a letter. You clearly put a lot of effort into these words, and the result is impressive.

The way you handle the passage of time is brilliant. I blinked and had to reread the paragraph where the span of a day passed in a single sentence. Then realized it may as well have been years. Then a bit later realized it may well have been years, as you mentioned the yellowing of the page.

The care with which Twilight attends her duties is filled with delicate emotion, and I can truly feel the wisdom of age and experience radiating off of her. She truly loves these ponies, and they are all her students. It is a glimpse into the mind of a benevolent immortal—a reflection of this whole story.

The poem she writes is beautiful, poignant, and culminating of the entire picture you’ve painted with this story. It encompasses what she sees, and feels, and the illumination of her enlightenment as she observes that life is a circle, one that is beautiful and precious to her, that she is granted the grace to care for. It even speaks to the little way in which she repeats herself, forgetting that she has written this poem before.

Here the blandness of your synopsis takes on an entirely new light and this is a trick I have seen very few authors do. I see that this was a joint effort. Well congratulations to the both of you. You have crafted a stunning and beautiful piece, that I am proud to offer a place among the stories showcased by this group, and also among my favorites. Thank you for writing this.

Verdict: Accepted.

6610124
Thank you. I appreciate the review very much, and I am very happy to hear that you liked the story.

That being said, I wish to set the record straight, in case some people may make the mistake: Unfortunately, neither I, nor my co-author can claim any credit for the poem at the end. This is, of course, is taken from the Bible, namely the book of Ecclesiastes, which is beautiful and poignant and which I hold as one of the prime examples of poetry in the history of literature.

6610371
Wow. And here I thought it was an original piece. Thank you for mentioning.