Hi folks, ChangelingLumin here once again with a Badfic Review.

I would like to extend a thanks to BikerPon3 for telling me about today's fic, if I could I'd buy you a beer.

Sadly the author is no longer writing stories, and this is the only one we could salvage from his now dead account. But we did find out what he thinks of the site,

This does not bode well folks.

Let's take a look at the like and dislike ratio.

0_0

Hopefully my sanity will still be in one piece after this.

Well let's get this review started.

Today's fic has around seven chapters, all fairly short, so I'll be doing every single one.

So let's sit down, turn the lights off and get ready to read,

Cameron's Ponyville Misadventures 2 By, Cam187

Prologue...

So here I am, back again in Ponyville. Want to know how I got back here?

No I don't, who are you?

Okay, I'll tell you my story.

Wait I said no, why are you doing this?

It started like this. One year later, I was in my house, hanging out with my friends Austin, Dillon, Dominic, Andrew and Nick. We decided to hang out in an alley and talk about a variety of subjects (like fanfics, art, video games, etc). When a portal suddenly appeared in the alley

Dude, slow down. Who are these people, where are we, why are we walking down an ally, WHY IS THERE A PORTAL HERE!?

I just realized. It was the same portal that Twilight made to send me back to Earth! Twilight actually made a portal that can reach Earth from Equestria. Like two cups on an end of a string.

What? How did you just realize this? Is there something your not telling me? And what do you mean "back to Earth"? Are you even human? And how is this like two cups on an end of string?

Now for a treat, I'll show you the main cast of today's adventure.

Our protagonist.

"Woah! What is that?" Austin asked,with astonishment in his eyes, and a look of utter adoration for the shimmering anomaly plastered across his face. He had blonde hair with a face that looked like Piers Nevans (from Resident Evil 6). He had a black t-shirt on with blue jeans and white shoes.

Auston

"Might me some weird sorcery." Dominic answered. He was both black and white (because he was Italian) and shorter than us. He had a dark blue shirt on with blue jeans and blue shoes.

Dominic, our "Black and White" Italian.

"Or some weird illusion." Andrew spoke up. He had huge ears and a slightly big nose. He had a green long-sleeved shirt with black jeans and Nike shoes.

Andrew

"Should we go in?" Nick asked. He has a face with lots of freckles. He wears a purple and black shirt with white sweat pants and purple shoes.

Nick

"Let's go in." Dillon said, in his usual, quiet tone. He was high as my chest. He wore an orange shirt with blue jeans and orange shoes.

And finally, Dillon

What a nice bunch of characters, and very diverse too.

We all nodded, and jumped in. They didn't know that Ponyville waited for them.

And that folks is the Prologue, now let us continue on to Chapter One...

We looked around, seeing the bright colors and beautiful scenery outside of Ponyville.
"Woah...was THIS the thing that you were talking about, Cameron?" I heard Nick ask me in amazement. I just nodded, not saying a single word.
"Come with me. The city is just ahead." I said, as I lead them into Ponyville.
"CAMERON!" I heard a voice shout, as a familiar yellow pony jumped in my arms.
"Fluttershy!?" I asked, hugging her tightly.
"Y-Yes...it's me, Cameron..." I saw her other five friends standing behind her. "Nice to see you again, mares."
"You too, sugarcube." Applejack said, in her usual western accent.
Then my friends introduced themselves, the Mane 6 doing the same.
"It's nice to meet you. All of you are Cameron's friends, right?" Twilight asked.
"Uh...yeah." Dominic responded.
I looked around. "Is my house still here?"
Twi nodded. "Yes it is."
"Um...are they friendly?" Dillon shyly asked.
"What do you think, Dillon?" Austin asked Dillon sarcastically.
"Austin." I heard Andrew speak up.
"What? I'm just messing with him!" Austin quickly spoke.
"Okay." I looked at my friends. "You can move in with me."
'Really?" Austin asked.
I nodded. "Of course." Well, the rest of the day we spent unpacking our belongings and moving in.

Absolutely Nothing happens.

Why have this here, who's Cameron? Is he the protagonist? Why mention his name now? Why aren't you explaining anything that's happening?

WHO AM I? WHERE AM I? WHAT IS THIS?

Chapter 2.....

The Mane 6 stopped by at my house today. They just chatted with my friends, asking how life on Earth was and other things. My friends just acted cool, like usual. Twi seemed very interested. She's interested...mostly in books. Then she took us to see Princess Celestia.

Why am I still reading this...

No explanation, cardboard cutout characters, and no pacing...

I'm slowly feeling myself get stupider just by reading this...

"It's been a long time, Cameron." Princess Celestia said to me.
"It has."
"Who are these humans that you have brought with you?"
"Oh. These are my friends Austin, Dillon, Dominic, Andrew and Nick."
"Nice to meet you. My name is Princess Celestia."
"Nice to meet you, Celestia." I heard Dillon say to Celestia, in a quiet tone (like always).

Let's continue on...

"So what brings you here, Cameron?"
"Oh, well, I found a portal in an alley and...here we are."
Princess Celestia smiled. "It worked."
"What worked?"
"Twi was working on a spell to allow you to come back. She visited me yesterday and was VERY happy."
"At least it wasn't while I was sleeping." Princess Celestia laughed.
"It was nice seeing you, Cameron."
"You too, Princess."

Wait what?!

WHY? Again no explanations, just talking. Why would Celestia want to do this?

You know what, let's continue on and see if it is explained at all...

I walked out and headed back home, along with my friends.

Why do I even bother...

Hours later, me and my friends decided to walk around Ponyville with the Mane 6 and hang around at restaurants and other neat places.

"Thanks for the trip, Twi." I thanked Twilight.
"You're welcome, Cameron."
Then we saw smoke from a distance.
"What is that?" Austin asked.

"We better check it out." Rainbow Dash answered, as we hurried to the source of the smoke. One of the schools was on fire, and some of the fillies were outside, along with some teachers.

I'm pulling a blank here...

Where are we right now?

"Some of the fillies are still inside!" One of the teachers yelled.I just ran to the building. I couldn't let those younglings burn to death.

OH GOD!! NOT THE KIDS!!

"WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YOU DOING!?" I heard Applejack yell at me from behind. But I didn't stop. I couldn't. When I reached the building, Austin was behind me, and he kicked the door down.
"Come on!" He yelled, as he went in. I followed him inside.
We couldn't really see anything, due to the smoke. We heard the sobbing of fillies. We began to walk towards the sound. As the sounds got louder, we approached 3 fillies huddled in a corner.
"Don't worry! We're getting you out!" I said, as I picked them up. Rainbow Dash was at the window, outside. We kept passing fillies to her, one by one.
"Hurry! It's coming down!" He yelled, as he ran out. I was on his tail as he ran out. But as I ran out, a huge log of wood fell on my back, and I was on fire. Luckily, Austin put me out before I was burned. But that was the last thing I saw before I blacked out...

And then he died...

I WISH!!

And more importantly, Why was the school on fire?

Two hours later, I woke up in the hospital, and saw Fluttershy sitting at my side, with tears in her eyes.
"Oh Cameron!" She hugged me. "I-I thought you were about to die!"
"Fluttershy, I'd never leave you..." I said, as I hugged back. The same teacher that was outside of the burning school walked in.

God damn it, WHY NOT!

Let's have a forced relationship right here, why does Fluttershy love him?

I swear reading this fic is torture...

But I must go on!

"You were the bravest thing I have ever seen in a long time." He said to me, surprised. "I thought those fillies would be seriously hurt...or worse." Then he walked out. Yeah, I was confused about that, too.
Me and Fluttershy waited until the nurse checked us out. I saw the others in the hallway.

WHY WAS THE SCHOOL ON FIRE!?!?!

"Are you okay, Cameron?" Austin asked me.
"I'll be fine."
"What were you thinking, sugarcube...?" I heard Applejack ask me.
"I wouldn't let those fillies burn to death....that's what I was thinking..."
I slowly walked away, but I was stopped by Fluttershy.
"I'm coming with you." She said, as she kissed me on the forehead.
I didn't say a word, and walked home with Fluttershy.

And that's chapter two.

Why are there no explanations? Who started that fire? What the hell is going on? WHY DO I HEAR A BUZZING IN MY HEAD?

And now on to Chapter 3...

Me and Fluttershy were at home, talking about the incident.
"Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine, Fluttershy." Then she kissed me.
"You know I love you, right?"
"I do."
A guard came in and looked at me.
"Princess Luna wants to see you."
"Who's Princess Luna?" I asked, then I remembered the alicorn that walked past me when I was meeting Princess Celestia for the first time!
"Oh, I remember now. Okay. Take me to her." I followed him, as he lead me to Princess Luna's room.
I heard the door close behind me as I walked in. I saw her on the balcony, her mane and tail floating in a blue aura, just like Celestia's, except it's blue.
She slowly turned and looked at me. "Are you Cameron?"
"Uhh....yeah."
She turned around and slowly trotted to me. "I heard about you rescuing those fillies from that burning school."
"You have?"
"Yes. They talked about you and your friends being heroes."
"Really?"
She nodded. "I thank you."
I smiled. "You're welcome."
"Come." She slowly trooted to the balcony, as I followed her. We bothed looked up at the starry skies and the moon.
She looked at the moon and sighed sadly. I looked at her. "What's wrong?"
"I was banished to the moon for a long time." I didn't ask why, because I didn't want to bother her. So I let her keep talking. "My sister raises the sun, and I raise the moon."
"Your sister? Oh, you mean Princess Celestia!"
She nodded. "I refused to raise the sun, and..."
"Just snowballed from there?"
She nodded again.
"Y'know...on Earth, the moon was where some humans wanted to go."
She looked at me. "Why was that?"
"Because to them, it was a mystery of what it was like on the moon. No one has been there. But Neil Armstrong found a way."
"Who's Neil Armstrong?"
"He's an astronaut. A person, or pony, who travels to the moon."
"How did he do it?"
I smiled. "By a rocketship. He was known as the first man to walk the moon."
She smiled a bit.
"And also, 'luna' means 'moon' in Spanish."
"Wait...there is more than one language on Earth?"
I nodded. "Lots of languages."
She smiled at me, and hugged me. "Thanks for talking to me, Cameron."
I grinned. "No problem, Luna."
She let me go, and I walked out. I felt like I went through to her and told her that everything is gonna be okay....

Nothing but pointless filler. I believe this sums up how I feel at this point.

I'M SLOWLY GOING INSANE!!!

Chapter four...

A few guards told me to go to Canterlot with my friends and the Mane 6.
"What's going on?" I tried to ask them, but they didn't answer. After a long walk, we arrived at Canterlot, and the guards led us to Shining Armor.
"Brother, what's wrong?" Twi asked him.
"Princess Cadence is missing." He answered. The Mane 6 gasped.
"Nightmare Moon again?" I spoke up.
He shook his head. "I don't know."
Then a black alicorn appeared with green bug-like wings. She laughed and Shining Armor shot up from his seat.

We have a fight scene and then the group goes to Chrysalis' Castle.

Nothing of any substance happens, so let's move on to the next chapter.

Before my sanity goes even lower.

Chapter five.

As soon as we arrived, it barely looked like a "place". I mean, sure, it kinda does on the outside, but once you enter Chrysalis' Castle, it looks like a hive; ponies were cocooned and sticky-like stuff were all over the place...just like spiders, and I have a very high case of arachnophobia. Trust me.

Please elaborate on this please. OH WAIT YOU DON'T!

"Woah. This is no ordinary place." Nick said to himself.
"You don't say, Nick!" Austin said sarcastically.I looked around for a door.

I looked at the greatsword in my hand. "Guys..." They looked at me. "I think we need to slash all of this webbing." That's odd. Normally, I have arachnophobia. Now I feel...courageous.

MIND EXPLAINING PLEASE!!

"Good idea, Cameron!" Austin said to me, not being sarcastic this time.
We kept swinging at the strange webbing-like stuff on the wall, until FINALLY I found a door.
"Guys, I found a door!" I said loudly. They immediately snapped their heads to me.
"Okay, let's go." Twi said, as her horn glowed. The handle to the door was surrounded in a purple aura, as it was turned and opened. Right after, Twi's horn stopped glowing. We walked through. We were pretty surprised.
MORE of the same stuff; more webbing on the walls and more cocoons. Great. Can this get any wor--no...I won't ask that... Something WILL happen if I do.

"Gah! I hate webbing!" Andrew cried. I couldn't blame him. The webbing was quite annoying.
We kept digging for doors and entering more rooms for a half hour, until we walked into an empty room, with stairs leading upward.
"Finally! Something new!" Austin yelled in joy.
I looked around, being aware of the surroundings, looking out for traps, and ensuring it was safe.
"We should head upwards." I said, as I looked at the stairs.
"Cam's right. Let's go." Dillon said, in his usual quiet tone.

Look, I'm going to level with you readers here...

Getting through this fic is a challenge. It was about this point I considered giving up, but you know what?

I'm not going to give up, for this review must continue.

Even if my sanity is slowly going away. So what if I'm hallucinating at this point, so what if I'm rambling between snippets of this fic.

It's the only thing that's keeping me sane during this train wreak.

So let us continue onwards...

We walked up a floor, and looked around. In the middle of the room was some sort of table; it looked black, like those Changelings. We kept looking until we found another staircase, and went up.
This time, the room was dark, with only wall-mounted candles dimly lighting the room. I sighed, because these rooms looked pretty depressing. I felt like...I was watching a person get robbed, and not being able to do anything.
"L-Let's just get there..." I said quietly, and we got to her room. Oddly, Chrysalis wasn't in the throne. But Princess Cadence was tied up, on the floor. I ran to her and untied her, and Chrysalis showed up.
"Chrysalis!" I shouted.
"Missed me?" Queen Chrysalis said, with a smirk. "I have a party set up for you." Then there was Changelings surrounding us.
"Great...a trap!" Dash yelled.
Then, our weapons began to glow.
"Your weapons are charged!" Twi said, amazed. We held up our weapons, shooting out powerful beams of energy at the Changelings. They all were on the ground.
"WHOO!" Austin shouted. "Now THAT'S what we're talking about!"
Chrysalis growled, more furious than ever.
"FINE! IF MY MINIONS CAN'T DEFEAT YOU, I WILL!" She shouted, as she disappeared.
"Hmph. What now?" Austin asked sarcastically. Then the castle shook.
"The castle's about to collapse!" I yelled, as I picked up Princess Cadence and made my way down the stairs. The others followed. I kept going down all the steps, until I saw a doorway of light.
"THERE!" I yelled, as we sprinted towards the doorway. Oh boy, we were mere SECONDS from going down with that castle.
"We...we did it!" Twi said, as she panted.
"Yeah..." Fluttershy said.
"Let's head back to Ponyville..." Princess Cadence said.

And that ends Chapter five. Again, nothing of substance happens and I ended up wasting my time.

Now for the final Chapter...

Epilogue

When we got to Ponyville, the citizens cheered once again for Equestria being saved once again. We saw Princess Celestia walk towards us.
"Cameron, you did it!"
"Actually...we did it."
She smiled and looked at all of us. "So...do you want to go back to Earth?"
"No. We like to stay. We can't stay on Earth. We have nice friends here. Including Twilight."

Why can't you stay on earth?

"I-I'm so touched..." Princess Celestia smiled, as she held back tears. I smiled, because I was happy to see her happy.

"I see no reason to go back...I mean, I can switch here to Earth, but I want to live here."
"I am honored to see you 6 humans defeat Queen Chrysalis. What can we remember you by?"
I looked at my friends, and they nodded at me. I looked back at Princess Celestia.
"Equestria Warriors." I said, with the biggest grin I ever had on my face. I saw her smile.

"Very well then." She said to us. "Citizens of Ponyville, give your thanks to the Equestria Warriors!"
The citizens cheering grew louder, and there was clapping, too. And here we are, the Equestria Warriors, here in Ponyville, waiting for a new threat to appear.

And that's it... The whole fic.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ!!!

THERE DONE, THE REVIEWS OVER! GIVEN THIS BIN FOR NONSENSICAL PLOT, BLAND CHARACTERS, NO PACING, NO EXPLANATION, AND FOR PISSING ME OFF!!!!!

BURN THIS FIC! USE THIS AS A GUIDE ON HOW NOT TO WRITE! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, THIS FIC, OH GOD THIS FIC!!!

CHANGELINGLUMIN OUT!!!

Rabid Recycler~because all of this shit has been done before, (and a lot better, I might add.)

Half-assed HiE~because self explanatory.

Opinion Oppressor~because Cam187 is one of the most notorious comment deleters on the site.

I would have awarded this one as well:

Overly OOC~because Applejack and Rainbow Dash were forced to do absolutely nothing when the school (containing their respective sisters) was burning down—all so Captain Fuckwit and his cheesy friends could be heroes.