Hi folks ChangelingLumin here once again with a Badfic Review.

Today's gem is an easy one, MLFNAKH, by the user RedeemerofDark

As you can probably tell, this is going to be one hell of a clusterfuck. Seeing as it takes place in Kingdom Hearts, Five Knights at Freddie's, and Friendship is Magic all at once...

*1 week after KHDDD 3D AKA Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance 3D*
“It has been a week already”. Sora thought to himself. After he found out he would not be deemed a keyblade master, that honor would go to Riku, he decided that for nostalgia’s sake he would go on the gummi ship to explore more worlds for keyholes to lock

Already we have our first redundant sentence, with little to no explanation.

It's as if the author expects his readers to know what Sora and Riku look like.

That's what they look like.

At least take the time to explain to your readers what they look like, otherwise they would end up looking like this...

And that's doing a huge disservice to the creators of these two characters. ( I'm a fan of the Kingdom Hearts saga)

He brought Goofy and Donald along to help and they honestly didn’t have anything better to do so they were fine with it.

And that's how you ruin a fic with one sentence folks. This tells you everything wrong with this fic. Donald and Goofy appear out of nowhere and the author doesn't bother explaining why.

”Hey we’ve found a keyhole Sora. ”Chip and Dale said in unison.

”That means we found another world.” said Sora.
”Well let’s go!”

“Yeah!” said Donald, Goofy, Chip, and Dale in a cheerful unison. After flying through an asteroid belt fighting off a ship controlled by someone who called themselves the Flying Dutchman and Crew and Killing a giant Flying snake by (don’t ask) -ing it through its (don’t ask).

This entire part right here just sounds wrong. The pacing of this fic is wrong.

When they finally arrived Chip spoke up, “Hmmm, It appears we've arrived at a human world it looks very city-like but not as advanced as the other ones like they Radiant Garden, it says the year is 1993 currently”.
”Hmm that’s 7 years younger than the Radiant Garden actually, according to what the statistics say”.

Like they Radiant Garden? I think you mean "RADIANT GARDEN", THERE IS NO "THEY".

Dale spoke up next, "The inflated area on this world is a pizzeria from what i can see, oh boy Sora, Donald, Goofy looks like you get free pizza. "I wish i could go with ya, but me and Chip need to monitor the ship, could you bring us back some?”

”Sure.”
”Yay, thanks sora”.
"Well, beam us down Chippy.”
”Don’t make that a habit Sora, please.”
”Ok Chippy”. Chip sighed at this and sent them on to the world.

If you look hard enough, this entire exchange looks like a pyramid. Oh right the review...

At this point my mind just went blank. Thank good we have a scene change.

In the pizzeria. "Alright it’s 11:00 p.m., it means i have plenty of time to settle in before those damn animatronics start up” said mike grumpily. He’d been working at this pizzeria for a whole month and knew tonight wouldn’t be any easier than the other 31 days of January hell. "It's okay Mikey remember you're doing this for Doll." Unbeknownst to him a blue aura had appeared in the left hall and was slowly but surely forming as 3 figures hit the floor. And unbeknownst to everyone their was a particularly important piece of paper on the floor of the supply closet and the door was already open. Mike heard the figures footsteps but because everything he met in the pizzeria before has tried to kill him he decided not to look at what it was. And he definitely wasn't leaving his post, his boss did this weird thing where he checked his butt print in the seat every time his shift ended. The only reason he knew this was because he caught his boss doing it the other day when he was particularly tired one morning and saw his boss doin it, he can remember how awkward that was. "Uh hey boss I'm going home".

Right into a wall of text, complete with bad grammar, run on sentences, and butts.

Security guard butts.

BUTTS!!!

Already our author has done a shit job of pacing, and transitioning.

But you gotta admit, security guards do have nice butts...

"Alright mike see ya tomorrow" he said as he walked over to look at the seat.
"See ya.......uhhhhhh...." mike said as he turned around to see his boss looking at his seat. "What are you doing, boss?"
"Just checking to see if you were really here your whole shift". He said with uncertainty, as if he didn't trust mike.
"Of course I was here, where else would I have gone, you lock the place up every night."
"You could have gone anywhere in here, for all I know you could be the one banging around in the kitchen every night."
"Unbelievable." He thought. "Wait a minute you don't live in here so how do you know about that?"
"From past night guards plus I barely scrounged up enough money to implant a couple of things throughout ghe building to hear what happens in here."

Who are these characters, why should I care, and who is talking. From what I know, this could be happening for all I care...

Mike grimaced That explains the occasional hearable buzz in the office, I think I'll stop asking questions now. He thought.
Yep most awkward moment working here ever. But hey I've worked here 66 weeks and earned 8,000 dollars. 120 more weeks and I'll be able to afford that ring for doll. He thought.

Hearable? Hearable isn't a word. Also the numbers shouldn't be here. Do you even know proper English author?

Thank God we have a scene change...

In the Crystal Library. Twilight had been busy today especially so far she had checked out and in 85 books in total and judging from the pace she would have checked in and out 100 books by the end of the day, though to her surprise she seemed to be checking out the last of the books right now, so checked in and out books total is 86, huh i guess even numbers was going to be a thing now maybe, it’d be better organized if it that’s what ended up happening.
“Well it seems like we’re done for the day spike she said to the exhausted dragon as Carrot Top left with a book called “How to Make Carrots Turn Different Colors” she said she was going to see if people wanted specific colored carrots. She looked back at spike she couldn’t blame him for being tired he had been writing everything down and carrying the papers back and forth all day, meanwhile she just gave him books to put back on the shelves got the books he got and gave them to the person requesting that particular book and stamping each sheet given for the borrowing of said book, and he had been writing so much his hand was bit more red than normal.
“Is your claw okay spike? she asked him in a way that was a little curious with genuine concern mixed in.
“I’m fine Twilight i just need an ice pack from Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy and it’ll be good”.
“Well it appears to be 5:00 p.m. now i’ll go check to see if everything is in its proper place see ya in a bit spike.”
”Alright i’m going to Fluttershy’s cottage for that icepack”. Little did they know that in a week's time everything would be anything but normalor calm for that matter. And as Spike started trekking towards Fluttershy's cottage, something happened that's never happened ever before in Twilight's life. She felt........a....magic..disturbance this, she thought meant one of two things. Either A: The magic disturbance was sl strong she was able to feel it, or B: It was a normal magic disturbance that she just happened to have been felt by her and maybe discord. Whom did feel it actually causing him to go noodle discord in the middle of helping fluttershy, she asked if he was alright and since the disturbance hadn't caused anything particularly bad at the current moment and he didn't want her worrying he said he was fine with a smile and started helping her again. And though discord and twilight didn't know that they both felt the magic disturbance much less know that they felt it at the same time, but what they did both know is that unlike most magic disturbances they were able to read that it would happen in a week's time.

INTO ANOTHER GOD DAMN WALL OF TEXT!!!! WITH MORE SPELLING ERRORS AND GRAMMAR ISSUES!!

God damn it... this fic....

THIS FIC!!!

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL FOLKS... THIS IS HIS AUTHORS NOTE

Author's Note:
In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time. In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time. Plus I have school sooooooooo yeah. Remember my acronym trust me you’ll see why. Also sorry if this is a bit much like i’ve already said i have not written a story before. And feel free to point out any issues in grammar, format, characterization, or anything else. Just don’t point out things that are unimportant or not worth bothering with like for instance why did i leave this here instead of saying it in the comments. The answer is because i wanted to do it like this plus you’re more likely to read it if it’s here. Also though it may seem weird not everything will be covered in the story about 4 or 5 things i will tell about in the comments. If you are wondering how i came up with this story i just thought it up and thought it'd be a great idea to turn it into a story. The people that will be helping me with this story are BeWhoUr, Dash_Into_Writing, Jazzie366, their great people for agreeing to help me and if they're reading this i'd like to say thank you. Also you should check them out their pretty great people and they're definitely nice. Also the FNAF universe i am using belongs to Rebornica i do not claim to own any of the characters of hers while the game universe in general belongs to Scott Cawthon I do not claim any of either of their things i published this out of drive and wanting to see what i can do. Also it would appreciated if you can tell me if I'm overdoing it. I'm just so nervous this really is the first story I've come up with and written, ever. In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time.
Achievement unlocked: u wrote the prologue to a story and are practically about to have a aneurysm from it. P.S I feel like I accidentally repeated some things can you tell me if that's true in the comments. '-_-

Nothing can save this fic, save for a good old fashioned burning.

Awarded this for atrocious spelling and grammar.

And given this for nonsensical plot, quick pacing, bland cardboard cutout characters, and no substance whatsoever.

If there was a lid for walls of text and burning rage, I would gladly give them out.