This is my first story so constructive criticism is appreciated as well as any tips or tricks to writing a story. By the way this is a fusion fic where all worlds mentioned all exist in the KH universe which is how this is all happening.
Description: Sora wants to go saving worlds again with Donald, and goofy for nostalgia’s sake and besides that has nothing better to do. Plus he failed to do the one thing he wanted to not screw up by becoming a keyblade master, unfotunately he screwed up and Kairi hasn't bothered to visit in a while not Riku since he's busy training with Yen Sid. And boy, meeting a jerk security guard, killer animatronics, and eventually technicolor ponies already in a fight with some dark king is sure to be an adventure he won’t soon regret nor forget. A crossover between the Kingdom Hearts universe, MLP universe, and FNAF universe. *sighs* Wish me luck.
I want to have a vote on the story progression. 1 for if you're patient enough to let me go into all the depth with the fnaf world. 2 if you have to have ponies in every chapter no matter what.
Igmore the second author's note I don't know how it happened or how to fix it. '-_-
Note this is my first story, also don't be shy to comment.
If I may inquire, why won't anyone comment on the story?`-_-
Uh, first tip, cut the title short and avoide the jumble of Capital letters with no implied reason.
Second, put this sidenote after the summary, it isn't about the story and the premise, is it?
Third, Paragraphs, please use them, instead of the wall of text in a sollid block, thanks.
Are these names for Human characters?
Explain the Verse in a bit more details, preferably after the Mane summary?
For the final note; you need a really big RoseLuck, or how ever she is spelling the name again?
Edit: At least the first chapter is the size I can enjoy reading. Past experience makes me move past stories with long chapters.
5646662 Are they Ponies or Human form, or will that depend on the scne as the story progresses? I prefer to keep the form and origin linked to the logic of the story, not the other way around.
5665033 How do you meen? Authors note is with the chapters, either before or after. If I get this right, it is something linked to you updating the chapter.
5666523 In my book, Fluttershy has Monopolized the term shy, and the effects coming with it. I hope I don't go down the way Pinkie Pie did in Filly Vanilly here *giggles* just in case you did see that episode, if not, you missed out seriously. *tease tease*
5666684 You may. There is a chance, or risk it is connected to your numerous short comments, or they merely are lazy bums?
Either way, I just changed this problem. Even if it is just the one and only you ever got?
Edit: Yikes, that was harsh; Five Niegh, but no comment as to why. That is downright rude.
Ps: Seems the coment hasn't changed anything yet. The summary looks identical to what it was when I dropped in, though. Maybe things changes, when the summary changes?
Don't do this.
You're welcome.
First, get a real title. This one is long and unwieldy and starts with a nonsensical abbreviation.
Second, your first story probably shouldn't be a crossover, and it definitely shouldn't be a multiple-element crossover. Stick with two franchies: MLP and one other thing.
Third, the best one of any "tips or tricks to writing a story" is to read a lot of stories. The more you read, the more you learn.
First off: Why, in God's good name, would you try make a triple crossover as your first story? That is the equivalent to wanting to learn to cook, and deciding to make a souffle...
Start smaller, a lot smaller. Try making a simple Slice of Life story as a start. If your insistent on making a crossover, then just pick a favorite character from another show or game. Please, just do something easier than This!
Most Good authors would fine a triple crossover difficult, let alone trying to do one as a first story. By doing this, you've set yourself up for failure. Read the works of brilliant authors that have been on this for a good amount time, then decide what you want to do, if you even want to do anything.
All I know for sure is that this was a very bad idea, and the responses you will get, will not be as constructive, nor as helpful as I was in this comment.
I hope you listen to me, but if you choose to see me as just another "hater", then I can't stop you. All I can do is hope.
Have a Blessed day, young Author.
5667511
5667604 I've read many stories but a first story is still just that "THE FIRST STORY"
. But I appreciate your concern and I will note that.
5667511
5667604 First off I've read a lot of stories, but my first story is just that my "FIRST STORY"
. Though I do appreciate you trying to help and I'll note what you told me.
5667697 I see what you're trying to say and besides Ponyess you've been the most helpful person to comment on here. Second I'm collaborating on this with BeWhoUr, Jazzie366, and kind of Ponyess. Third I said this was my first story didn't I? It's my first story EVER. Fourth I may put this on hiatus or finish this and rewrite it later down the road, and I will make sure to fix the glaring issues like the title. Fifth this is gonna have a sequel so this isn't the last of it
. And sixth either while on hiatus if I put this on hiatus or because I can I will write a strict comedy story with maybe just a little bit of slice of life.
5667604 My first story was a crossover, and it has gone fairly well.
The title was already cringe-worthy, and the description was hard to get through, but I'll read anyway.
5667856
Oh and not trying to be that guy but, this (Rainbows in the Sky) was my friend's Man on the Moon's first story and he's still getting positive feedback, My point is, it was your "first story" isn't an excuse. Try to work on your skills.
5667923
There are always exceptions. But generally speaking, a crossover is a poor starting point.
5668636 *Sigh* I guess you have a point.
5668235
5668737
? Why's that?
Okay. Speaking as someone who's written pony words, enjoys Freddy's lore, and has at least some vested interest in Kingdom Hearts...
If I may steal a quote from Captain America, "Son... just don't."
5669396 Crossovers require in-depth knowledge of not only the Mlp ponies, but the person you send to meet them. It is even harder to send ponies to another world, because you must know how they would react to anything and everything around them.
Same goes for bring a person from... Let's say, Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars into Equestria. You, the writer, would have to know how he would react to the world of Mlp. And that knowledge is not easy to obtain.
Overall, crossovers are made difficult due to one word: Reactions.
5670646 Well this story is not coming down any time soon and definitely isn't stopping but it might go on hiatus.
I do have a vote on this story though if you and others could actually vote I may it may not be able to improve it in some areas.
5670776 I am glad your keeping faith in yourself, but remember not to push yourself to hard, and remember to always keep learning.
5670788 I like you.
5670795 Glad to be of assistance to a young Author.
5670802 Glad to here it, cause I'm watching you now.
A crossover is not easy to do but you have guts for doing it. You get a like from me
5679333 Thank you. X3
5679345 Don't let the down votes get you. There are people who will hate just to hate (check pony battle n Spike's quest for power if you want evidence of that). Here's how I see it. It has potential but try to start with one world and work your way up. Crossovers are probably the hardest things to pull off (next to romance). Keep it up and if you have any questions, ask. I'm on a lot so I check my messages frequently. (I'm more active on pony archive/form) anywho good luck.
5680484 eheh
I've read lots of storys and this actually took longer than it should have for me, also I wasn't rushing the beginning from what we know from the kh3 trailer sora was stuck on the island my whole idea happened because in the story he wanted to go explore more worlds, since he has nothing better to do and this is my first story
. But 
you have given me some useful tips and I appreciate that.
Well, you did ask for constructive criticism, so...
I don't know much about story plots and whatnot, so I'll completely leave that stuff out and stick to what I'm good at.
Your grammar needs work. It's not as terrible as a lot of the stories on the website, but it would most certainly be easier to read if the grammar, spelling, formatting, etc. were correct.
The author's note should not be that long; it's almost as long as your story! You say a lot of unnecessary things it it, and you even repeat something twice, word for word.
As for tips:
Don't comment on your own story, unless it's to reply to other comments or other purposes which k very rarely see. That's what the author's box is for, silly!
Listen to the commenters! Seriously, they take their time to comment and help you our a bit. Most people just leave. And don't shove the fact that it's your first story in everyone's faces. You already said it multiple times in your description and author's note. Just thank them, ask any questions if you have them, and use their input to improve your writing.
Crossovers are generally hated on this site. Just saying. I really don't recommend going full-scale crossover on your first story.
That's all I have for now, and I hope I don't sound too harsh. But you did ask for constructive criticism... just sayin'...
5746241 tanks for the advice I will take that to heart.
5746241 could tou tell me what I repeated I may have done a accidental copy and paste I can't find.
5746257
5746265 sorry, I'll get on that.
5746265 fixed.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/3/17/272600.jpg
Congrats I read your fanfic and reviewed it,
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/205663/the-badfic-bin/thread/162518/badfic-review-mlfnakh-reviewer-changelinglumin
mother of god...TRIPLE CROSSOVER...CLUSTERFUCK
5756016
Yep but that won't stop me. Nor will these > 
5756025 dude, that's bold that you intend to keep writing on this, but this story is a cosmic clusterfuck.
5756027 meh.
5756028 I give you a like, just for the shear boldness of this
Also, OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT, WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD People not aware of any of these people people still read this because the encounter will flesh out what these people look like in the next chapter.
5756030 Awesome.
5756033 and a follow, because of YOUR shear boldness
5756034 Thank you ^-^. Also Awesome looking OC.
5756040 Thx
5757349 Your welcome.