So, I’ve been trying to explain to Recon the concept of chapter pacing.

The main idea is that you structure things so that your story gradually builds up to a climax, and then wraps up. Within that context, you have your story broken down into several chapters.
Within a chapter you generally have something like a mini-plot. You introduce a problem, you explore the problem, you reach a climax in the chapter that has the protagonist deal with the problem, and then you back off a bit for the next chapter. The important thing though is that each chapter should build on the previous chapter, so things in general might get more intense, more suspenseful, harder to get through, etc.

What I was pointing out to Recon is that currently, every single one of his chapters wraps up with a ‘happy ending’ or an ending that leaves everything kind of in a neutral state. The characters go to sleep, they fly into the sunset, they sleep some more, they fly off into the sunset again – every chapter comes back down to a neutral ending with no ‘hook’ to pull you into the next chapter.

This isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s becoming obvious, and now especially with chapter 5 where they are pausing between action scenes, I suggest starting to put in some hooks to keep you in page-turning suspense.

I guess another important question to ask is ‘Why is the chapter break here’? For example, chapter 4 didn’t have to end where it did, because the beginning of Ch 5 is really just a wrap-up of the scene from Ch 4, and then the real ‘new’ problem of Ch 5 doesn’t start until Nyx wakes up to the filly crying.

Same with the end of chapter 5 – there’s a whole problem introduced ( missing pony, mysterious zebra camp) and it doesn’t really get resolved, and then they fly off to report to Luna. Suspense is built up and then dissipated with nothing else interesting to keep the reader going.

Anyways, I’m probably not explaining it very well, but I said I’d make a thread on it. Comment as you will.

Wait a second...

First - you say don't wrap things up neatly at the end of a chapter (1,2,3,5) but I have unfinished stuff going on at the end of 4. Then, you say "But 4 ends wrong because there's ongoing stuff and it would have just been better to end it when they went to bed in the tent... which would have put 4 in the same camp as the other chapters. So which is it?

Then you mention how what's going on at the end of 5 "doesn't really get resolved" - and yet you complain that every single chapter wraps up with everything all resolved.

Which is it?

3686282 , Want to try that again after you've gotten some sleep?
That might help you gather your thoughts into a more organized form.

3691125

What he showed me in person actually made more sense.
I get the idea that chapters should entice the reader to keep reading at the end of each one, and not "wrap it all up nice and clean". But I'm still rather confused as to how to implement this.

3686282 One thing I was thinking is that maybe after I write chapters, I can go to the end of the previous chapter and drop some hints at the very end, which whet the appetite regarding what is coming next. Sort of like how tv show episodes have a "Next week on [showname]..." and then give enticing, context-less teasers about what's coming next week.

Ok, well, let me try one more time :) I'm trying to get the point across that there should be a progression both to the plot, and a careful management of the emotional state of the reader. "Gripping reading" "Page turner" "Couldn't put this down" are all things you want to hear from people who read your stories, right?

To recap, here's the beginning & endings of each chapter so far:

Chapter 1

A dark equine figure crashed in panic through the night-time forest, dodging and weaving as fast as she could run.

Ok so here you establish suspense, a hook to get people to start reading this story. Why is she running? It's dark and panicky but at the same time it's not just a simple 'oh no running in a dark forest' cliche beginning. Suspense raises a little bit, reader is interested, it flows on to introduce the main character and her crew plus some interesting mechanics (pipbuck etc)

No, these worries can wait, she thought, as she finally drifted off into peaceful sleep. Silently, the magical energy meter on her foreleg incremented a percentage point.

Hints of combat, a bit of a worry and it lets the reader relax while being curious about all these new things introduced.

Chapter 2

Morning came, but the bedroom showed no signs of sunlight. Instead, crystals embedded in the walls began to gently glow. As the room gradually brightened, Nyx awoke to find herself alone. She closed her eyes, but the smells and sounds of breakfast coming from the kitchen down the hall compelled her to peel her body off the bed and get up. Still feeling half asleep, she stretched her muscles, spreading her wings and gave them a thorough flap. It felt great and got her blood pumping.

OK so here you have the 'real' start to the story - a new day, everyone gets a sense of what's going on in the lives of these ponies, and a sense of the 'regular' is established.

Drama and the war and the effect it has on Nyx is explained, but we wrap up with this:

The conversation went on for a couple hours. Nyx shared her struggle with nightmares. Rumble talked about his new weapon modifications. Flitter emphasized how important it is for everyone to try and be hopeful and optimistic. Everypony’s bellies were full, and Twilight took her leave after some warm hugs all around.

Everypony settled down, the day coming to an end. Nyx glanced at her PipBuck, having not thought about it for most of the day. Thirty-two percent. Not bad, considering.

This is probably the first area where, imho, the flow of the suspense falls apart a bit. You have this huge event happening, totally affects Nyx etc, but the end of the chapter is like sunshine, roses and happy thoughts. So you start from 0 suspense, build up a bit, and then drop straight back to 0. You could put the story down right now and not feel like you're missing out on anything. But, ok. Tough to segue into the next chapter.

Chapter 3

The Canterlot central post office was bustling with activity as conveyor belts sorted boxes and envelopes, and ponies were trotting to and fro with overstuffed saddlebags. The supervisor was taking a coffee break, watching over the processing floor absently, when suddenly several bright star shaped sparkles appeared in the room out of nowhere, and exploded into thousands of shimmering fragments. A classy, pretty unicorn appeared, smiling.

Kind of homey, zero suspense, feels very MLP classic episode starting style. Ok, can live with that, we're still setting up for more drama later.

Nyx smiled warmly. “I’d like that very much. Thank you.”

“You better get going. We both have much to think about.”

Nyx nodded, and gave Luna a thankful embrace. She took off from the balcony into the late afternoon sky toward Ponyville.

Pretty much an introduction of Luna and the current political situation. More setup, but ok. Again, zero suspense, no real unanswered questions yet.

Chapter 4

A grey pegasus mare with a blonde mane stood outside of the main door to the Sweet Apple Acres barn. She was speaking with Applebloom while Rumble was hitching Nyx up to a wagon which carried a large wooden crate with the words “Pegasus Air Freight - We Deliver Absolutely Everything” stenciled on the sides.

Laid back chapter start again, but piques the reader's interest as to what's getting delivered. Lots of action follows in this chapter, but it ends in an odd spot:

The pony looked the group over, taking note of the injuries suffered and the military supply wagons. “Alright, come this way. The name’s Blackberry. I’m the town elder. You folks look mighty tuckered. Come, let’s get y’all fixed up an’ rested.”

“We have some who are seriously injured. Do you have any place for us to set up for treating battle wounds?” Daisy asked the town elder.

The end of the chapter is kind of smack in the middle of a conversation. The action has happened, there is no suspense or reason to flip the page, and we spend the first couple pages of chapter 5 talking about what should be the end of chapter 4. If you took the chapter split away, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, so why put it there in the first place?

This is where it gets tricky, because this is the point where I think you don't want suspense to die down completely to zero anymore. The main story of the parasite has been introduced, and we want to really build up to a grand climax. If anything, I would foreshadow a bit of the mystery of the missing doctor into the section with Flitter treating Radiance - she is, after all, being helped by the town nurse. They could have a conversation about things, maybe some strange behavior by the animals, something to foreshadow the parasite / what's coming next, and then you have the end of the chapter. That would make Nyx's discovery of the child crying etc later even more dramatic as we may have some hints as to what is happening.

Actually, from reading chapter 6, I'm thinking you could insert the entire chapter 6 in this section - after Nyx & Rumble get it on and Flitter wraps up.. then we flip back to Luna for a night time visit of the Ministries, then back to Nyx waking up and the rest of chapter 5...

Finally, chapter 5 has a big reveal of scary stuff, and ends with..

The trio of winged ponies then took flight eastward toward Canterlot, disappearing over the treetops while the earthbound ponies made their way back to Gatorton.

Suspense goes back to zero. Mission accomplished, lets go home, reports need to be made, paperwork filed, that's the sort of impression it leaves behind.

Some things that could be used to improve the suspense would be that the zebra they see is a scout and they see zebra troops incoming. Or perhaps that zebra survivor attacks them in a futile attempt and collapses before she can do any damage, and the team has to get medical help to try get some answers out of her. *something* that makes it a hard decision for Nyx to fly back to Canterlot and leave her friends in trouble.

Ok, well I'm certainly open to sliding the chapter breaks around if it helps compel the reader to maintain interest.

Because the first three chapters of the book rely so much on lengthy worldbuilding and exposition, it's hard to get that sense of action and suspense right off the bat. That's part of why I had the sniper attack in Chapter 2. It's a way to get the story's pulse going early without necessarily drowning the characters in unstoppable action. It also provides an interesting mystery: Who was this child and why was he targeted?

I agree that chapter 2 ends as if it were the completion of the entire story. I guess that was sort of on purpose, because I wanted the story to be able to stand on its own in case I didn't have what it takes to write the whole epic. I could have just published the first 2 chapters and been done. Now, it reads much like a "miniseries" or "long pilot episode" to a new tv show. Those usually end in a way that could be considered a complete story in case the tv show doesn't get funding, and is cancelled out of the starting gates, etc.

Chapter 4's ending, I will agree is mobile. I can slide it around anywhere. My primary reason for why to end it where I did was because it was a logical setting change. The Ch4 characters are no longer in peril. They are at a new location. There are new characters inserted into the story. Seems like a good place to end the chapter. Picking any other spot would probably not remove the question of "why break here?"

Putting the first part of Ch6 in the middle of Nyx & Rumble's tent time? Um... well first that makes the Ministry meetings during the night which I'm not really convinced is a good idea. Most research teams have gone home at night. How would that even work? Also, Nyx is supposed to show up while Luna is visiting the research teams and call for advice on how to handle the new and disturbing events.

There is one way it could work though, which I'm willing to consider.

In my current outline, I have Nyx flying back to ask Luna for advice and fill her in on what they found. She calls a meeting, and several Ministry heads show up to talk with them about what they discovered. It's a bit of a summary, which may seem redundant, since the reader knows what happened. I wouldn't make the meeting very long though. But what happens next is that they are sent back to the bayou to recover that body which they buried and bring it back to Canterlot for study.

When they go back to get the body, there are zebras already at the camp site. Flitter disguses as a zebra and mingles, overhearing that they are preparing to "cleanse" it with a balefire grenade. Remember those badass grenades Littlepip found while she was in the slaver camp? Basically like a micro-nuke. Well, anyway, Nyx and friends get caught up in a fight with these zebras. The balefire grenade ends up going off, flattening the site (good thing they buried the body) and Nyx puts up her shield which barely protects her from the blast, and takes her down to single digits on her energy meter. She's wounded and has to hide in the bushes (oh no, the flashback of being wounded and stuck in the thornbush). In the end, the zebras are either defeated or retreat after seeing Nyx. The body is recovered and airlifted back to Canterlot and put in a medical lab. End of chapter.

The problem with this is that there is a hell of a lot of flying going on, eating up time. I've established that it's a half-day hike to the other town. It's also a two-hour flight back to Canterlot. By the time Nyx gets there in my timeline to sound the alarm, it's nearly dusk. She doesn't have time to return and fetch the body, unless we want a night-op, so that pushes it to the following day. Problem with that is that it gives the zebras too much time to cleanse the site. They probably would have come on the same day, right?

So maybe I can rearrange things a bit. Instead of flying off to Canterlot to get advice, they go back to Withersberg to talk to that mayor again. It's only 20 minutes up the trail. Then they decide to recover the body and just take it to Canterlot directly without talking to them first. Maybe the mayor hooks them up with a sling that allows the three of them to share the weight, kind of like Derpy's delivery ponies. I could even toss in a fourth flyer as a pegasus from the mayor's town to balance the weight.

So they go back to the camp site after maybe an hour of being gone, and then see the zebras trying to cleanse the site. Battle ensues, Nyx is injured, body is recovered, heal Nyx and fly to Canterlot. Interrupt the Ministry project tour, have a brief meeting, put the body in the medlab, end of chapter.

This is of course, two chapters worth of material, so I could pick a spot for a cliffhanger and end Chapter 5 right there, then push the bulk of the action into Chapter 6.

all right I have not read chapters five or six yet which limits my usefulness when it comes to commenting on this.

Overall I think Pawz is correct. I dont find it to be a major issue, but certainly you want your reader to end the chapter thinking " dammit when will this next update? I need to read more!"

The structure of each of the chapters so far is episodic, behaving almost like a self contained short story. This is very useful when it comes to organizing the writer's thoughts as he writes. It is formal and somewhat elegant. It works.

But something that ended on a hook would work better

I'm writing the new ending to ch5 now. Hopefully it'll flow well and not mess up what I had planned for 6.

This should provide that suspense you say is so important.