I had a strange writing fit that I wanted to share with you, and here it is;

She was not the first to find that land and would not be the last. She was the first to cross into the land by means of shear imagination.
Then one day she found another land The Archipelago of Dreams and then the Caretakers. Her dreams would fall short, but not by much. She would be bard from entering the Caretakers. “The Old Boy's Club” She thought sourly. With out their blessing she could not go back to The Archipelago of Dreams.
Though she was cut off from the Archipelago of Dreams, her imagination saw many more world their dense to inspire her, she would go on to great things. “Maybe the Archipelago of Dreams would be forgotten if I share these world with the people of Summer Country.” She would bring to life worlds of warriors and friends. She would breath life into these memorable characters. The means to tell the stories came to her and so she shared it with her world.

Those that would help her, her agents, would call her Luminescent. She laid the ground work and pass the simplest of the task to another. She was needed for more important tasks. So her plans were more under way. Nothing would stop her plan and soon the Summer Country and the Archipelago of Dreams would be changed forever.
Like her and all her followers carried a second name they carried one phrase to bind them all;
As Dreams Become Real,
Nightmares Become false,
As That Was Once Found,
Will Now Become Lost.”

What do you think?

3977301 Wow that is something else Alchemist. Sounds like a good lead in to an HiE human x Luna story or something like that. I am impressed by this.

3977454 sorry just had an idea for a snippet and I wanted to write it down and show it off. I didn't want to make you feel dumb.

3977301 What I think about a story largely comes down to the execution of the concept, and not the concept itself. Which in this case is good since the underlining concept is ill defined, and what is given is somewhat bad since the execution leaves much to be desired. There are a lot of common mistakes that need pointing out to prevent you from taking them into larger works and earning all the flames.

She was the first to cross into the land by means of shear imagination.
Then one day she

"This then that." The way we use "then" in common language is to identify a point of change that this phrasing is expressly contrary to. In terms of timing, "then" follows a mark of time that is also missing, so I would recommend dropping it and the paragraph break between line 1 and 2.

One day she found another land The Archipelago of Dreams and then the Caretakers.

There is no punctuation or other indicators that the popper noun is coming. If read aloud it would sound ridiculous without the grammatical pause. Add a colon.

She would be bard from entering the Caretakers.

You used the wrong "barred". If you mean prevented from entering, then a troubadour is most certainly not the correct term.

“The Old Boy's Club” She thought sourly.

If you're referencing the colloquialism, then there is only the one capital letter. In fact, this whole sentence should only have one capital letter, and there needs to be a comma after club. After which the word "she" should begin in lower case.

“Maybe the Archipelago of Dreams

It does not make sense for the character to be so formal with a title when expressing it aloud, especially since there is no indication that she is speaking to another entity, let alone one for which such formality is expected. For example in casual conversation one does not say "Pope Francis of the Coptic Orthodox Church of Alexandria."

She would bring to life worlds of warriors and friends. She would breath life into these memorable characters.

You just made the audience read the same thing twice, in a row, while adding nothing new. A character should only be mentioned if they're memorable, or in the very least, integral. That said, the "warriors and friends" are "these memorable characters".

The means to tell the stories came to her and so she shared it with her world.

The "means" is the "by which something is done" and feels oddly out of place, like it should not be included in this sentence since it (the sentence) doesn't actually address the means by which she tells the stories, nor the means by which these stories come to her, nor does the paragraph containing the sentence.

Those that would help her, her agents, would call her Luminescent.

An unnecessary break in flow--that if you feel is warranted--should use the proper punctuation for a clarifying interjection.

She laid the ground work and pass the simplest of the task to another.

She had laid the groundwork. Laid is past tense and requires the statement to introduce it as such, and groundwork in the sense you are using the term is a single word. On that note, please review and ensure that the story is in a single tense.

So her plans were more under way.

This "more" makes no sense and, worse still, makes the sentence make no sense.

plans were more under way. Nothing would stop her plan

Plan is plural in one sentence and singular in the next. Pick one and stick with it.

Like her and all her followers

The comparison between the individual and the masses means that "and" needs to go away and punctuation needs to be introduced in its place. I think you know the one I mean by now.

As Dreams Become Real,
Nightmares Become false,
As That Was Once Found,
Will Now Become Lost.”

Excessive and inconsistent use of capitalization. Note that there is only one period in this sentence so it is,in fact, a single sentence.

3988044 I would like to point out that If I had tried to use this I would have tried and polished it a bit more before I presenting as a complete piece.
With that said I would also like to say, thank you for showing these mistakes to me. I am also glad that you explained why they were mistakes as well. I know that if I tried to use this in a piece that I would miss some of the mistakes.
I am glad that you took the time to help me improve.

Thank you again.

3988493 No problem, it's what I'm trained to do. Though a note of particulars, we're in a public place, reading this passage openly, which means it has been presented as a complete piece (its completeness is defined by what the expectations of the whole of the piece are; which was limited to this passage).

I know you meant "in a published story" I'm just giving you some guff about the distinction between what you said and what you meant since as it is an easy line to blur when writing. A line that once lost can create a lot of head-aches for an author when a reader isn't getting what they had intended from their story.

Generally speaking I typically have no opinion on the idea being expressed when I critique a piece, but rather focus on what the execution of the idea is telling me, and how that presentation is made. I may be often cited as saying the "why" is more important than the "what" but find that the "what" must still be clearly defined.

If I come off as a bit brash it's because I think in as much black-and-white as my profile picture is portrayed in.

3988511 In truth, I have met people that are even more brash then you.
All the same, I am great full for your help and I know that I need to work on my skills.
Writing is important to me, and any help is good.

Thank you again for all your help.