Hello again, another oddball from good ol' Draggy today! Today's gonna be a long one, so buckle up!

And I’ve somehow gotten myself dragged into this. trombrony98 here, once again helping out with these ‘super-awesome’ collaborative efforts. These don’t usually don’t end well, do they? Let’s see if this defies expectations. I’ve seen some really good and really bad crossovers; however, these are my first Danny Phantom stories, I’ve read.

Let's hope these do. After the last batch, we need refreshers. Before we begin, though, these three share similar tags. Namely, Adventure, Crossover, and Human. All packing a teen rating. Hey, at least these ones of today's batch have SOME tag consistency, which is good. Yet they are incomplete, and still ongoing at this time.

Guilt of a Phantom

Genre: Adventure, Human, Crossover, Romance, and Comedy with a teen Sex rating.

Wordcount: 470,893 words long, divided into 31 chapters ranging from 3k to 30k.

Sheesh, how long does it take to write all this? This better be good.

Yeah, I agree. Especially given that one chapter's 30k on its own. Could we not get any more inconsistent with the pacing? This is why I set a SPECIFIC amount of horsewords for any fic I do nowadays. Most prominent example I can think of would be the redo of Arcane Shadow, which has chapters going from 4.5k to 6.7k. Just enough to cover my bases without going overboard. Oh, and because of aforementioned pacing issues, I couldn't get through the whole thing. Up to the end of chapter two at most.

Grammar: So far, relatively solid. A bit telly at points, and some things aren't described—story just zips to them instead of taking the time to let us know what they are. As such… 7.5/10.

Having gotten a bit further into this, I can safely say this goes downhill quickly. By chapter three, punctuation is forgotten about frequently, quotes are incredibly inconsistent, and everything just feels rushed. If it was written better, some of this might get overlooked, but without a solid base, poor grammar sticks out like a sore thumb. And DON’T get me started on the use of alternate fonts (bold, italics, font size, bold italicized large fonts…) Just, no. Don’t use those unless you know how to use them effectively. 5/10.

Characterization: Welll… because I've read up to chapter two only, there's a bit of a problem: no pony characters for me to grade. So I'll just have to grade Danny and co. Thus, 6.5/10. Some parts are VERY questionable, but otherwise solid.

I’ll have to go with Fox on this one. Even into the next chapter, Danny is the only major character, but when you’re three chapters in and you still haven’t gotten past the exposition, you’re probably in for one hell of a ride. Danny’s choices after Sam’s death feel out of character for him, and everything else is just him doing nothing important. Also, do we really need a whole prologue dedicated to something that we could learn from watching the intro to Danny Phantom? 6/10.

Use of Show Canon: Again, no pony canon. I am yet again forced to grade Danny canon instead. This takes a few liberties here, namely in that there's a third-party observer who has an assistant step in Danny's life BEFORE he can reach the point where life for him goes downhill. And that, I'd wager, is beyond canon for both worlds. In addition to that, I've heard—and verified—that it takes up to the third chapter just to get to Equestria. That alone will get another docking. 4/10 here.

THREE AND A HALF FRICKIN CHAPTERS. That’s how much exposition there is in the beginning. Not short, sweet ones, but hulking behemoths filled to the brink with paragraphs full of backstory and explanations of how Danny Phantom’s world works. And it’s not handled well, either. Once I was able to get past it, it was a bit easier to bear, but it’s called an expo dump for a reason. (insert bathroom joke here.) The MLP canon is handled a bit better, but most readers would be discouraged before they can even get that far. 4/10.

Not even Arcane had that much exposition in the beginning. I am starting to think the author wants to be Kkat-good.

Plot Consistency: From what I have seen, it's not really kicked off yet. Certainly going slower than molasses heading uphill in January, with crutches at that. 2/10.

That’s a unique simile. Can’t quite wrap my head around the whole molasses with crutches thing, but I’ll make do. Boy, does this story veer left and right. Some portions are rushed and miss crucial details, while other spots dump so much exposition it drowns the reader. The constant cuts to other scenes is jarring at times, and leaves the reader confused at to what the main plot is. Even in Ponyville, things get so thick it’s difficult to tell what the aim of the story is. 3/10.

Use of OCs: Here we have one named Clockwork, who constantly shifts appearance from a young boy, to young adult, and elderly geezer. He and his assistant give off time traveler vibes the likes of which only Doctor Who and Aeon (the one with the massive clock, in case you are wondering) could muster. Yet he doesn't do the active travelling; if anything, Clockwork simultaneously sees into past, present, and future. It's… stilted on this front.

Umm… Clockwork isn’t an OC. He’s a character from Danny Phantom. N/A here.

He still gives an OC vibe.

We review stories, not TV Shows. Leave that to the professionals.

Alrighty then.

Coherence: Despite the aforementioned flaws, it is easy to understand. 8/10. I'd wager that this is the story's strongest point. Points deducted because pacing and exposition.

I still had trouble wrapping my head around this concept. The pacing really doesn’t help in this regard; between the rushing and expo dumps (I think this is my phrase of the day), lots of vital information is still lost. Still, the story is there, and it’s not terrible. 7.5/10.

Extra things depending on genre: Weeeell, the story's weakest genres are Romance and Comedy. I did not get any chuckles out of it, but managed very awkward smiles here and there. Romance wasn't even there, as far as I could tell. 1/10 for both. Crossover, as far as I am concerned, is more there, if only because Danny and co. are given more screentime. This is understandable for a crossover, but ONLY if it's an obscure material that is very seldom used on Fimfiction.

As in, Epic Battle Fantasy or Little Buster Q levels of obscure, and that's coming from someone who's written crossovers of both. 4/10. Adventure and Human are most prominent, with both being established and kicked off like soccer balls, but due to pacing and exposition points will be docked from these two. 7/10 for both. Sex won't get a grade, because as far as I can tell, it's not used. 20/50 overall.

I’m going to stick with my usual dividing of points here, out of 15 instead of my usual ten: 5 for crossover, 2 each for Human, Comedy, and Romance, and 4 for Adventure. ⅘ for crossover; it handles the transition between worlds, even if the Danny part isn’t handled as well as it should be. 2/2 for human, given the crossover material. 0/2 for both Romance and Comedy; neither of these feel like a good fit for the story, and should probably have the Dark or Thriller tag instead. 2.5/4 for Adventure, It has the aspects, but it gets lost in the exposition. 8.5/15 overall for this category.

The Baltimare Incident

Genre: Adventure, Human, and Crossover

Wordcount: 33,724 words long, divided into 7 chapters ranging from 1k to 6k.

FAR better pacing on this one. Much easier to digest. Less to slosh through, yet more time to process it all. However, I've only read through the prologue and first chapter of this one, twice at that.

Grammar: No notable improvements, yet no notable errors either. Aside from one instance of onomatopoeia in the first chapter. 6/10.

What do you have against onomatopoeia? This is significantly better paced than the first, and has been much better proofread. It’s not perfect, but it’s not terrible either. 7.5/10.

Here, it's just a capitalized WHAM. Though it's only one instance. And it's not used correctly.

Characterization: Here, we're introduced to Soarin and Jazz. The prologue… makes them into a couple. And it's telly. However, it kept Soarin's appeal for pies without going cringefest. However, it used the guards, and Celestia, and Shining as well. It's also got—there is no exaggerating when I say this—John Connor, and Wanda and Cosmo. Thus… 4.5/10.

There’s a lot of characters to keep track, with certain characters having a scene then never being mentioned again. Most of the main cast is OCs, so I’ll go over them later, but the few canon characters in the story don’t really get enough time to flesh them out. The story cuts back and forth so much, there isn’t really much time for that. Still, nothing OOC, and does provide some interesting interpretations of backstories. 7/10.

Use of show canon: Wonderbolts, Soarin's liking pie, and Baltimare are mentioned. Trottingham's a part of the incident, and Shining being captain of the guard is mentioned and utilized. This is stilted at worst, meh at best. 5/10.

Outside of references, this story does everything in it’s power to explain a lot of what happens in the show, even if this universe veers far from the path of regular Equestria. Lots of little incidences later in the story explain events such as the orphanhood of Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, and the Apples; How Pinkie found Gummy and the powers of his stare; and demonstrating the powers of the ghosts from the Danny Phantom universe. Actually feels like a mid-crisis version of Equestria, except lots of people die. 9/10.

Plot consistency: Veers wildly, largely because chapter one's a flashback chapter. Prologue's what happens years after. Not really kicked off all that well. 3/10

This is where this story starts to suffer with me. With fifty million plot threads to follow, the plot becomes difficult to follow and connecting threads together becomes nearly impossible. The time jumps are easy enough to follow near the beginning, but as things pick up, figuring out where in the timeline you are becomes impossible. 4.5/10.

Use of OCs: N/A on this one. Didn't see any in either the prologue or chapter 1. Trom, take it away.

Oh boy! And by that, I mean the OCs in this story vary in terms of characterization. Some, like Strong Will, Rainbow Blaze, and Mort are well fleshed out and make you sympathize with them, they’ve rounded out lackluster character’s like Apple Gleam, Sweet Apple and Vesper. These characters can be hit or miss, but they all have their place in the plot. I just wish a little more time got devoted to all of them. 7.5/10.

Coherence: 6/10, due to aforementioned veering and inclusion of Connor, Wanda, and Cosmo. Just threw me in for a loop, this one did.

Can’t argue on this one. With all the plot jumping, things get hard to follow, and there’s a boatload of references saturating the story. If this was tagged random, this would be a perfect story for this, but as is, it is probably going to throw readers for a loop. 6/10.

Extra things depending on genre: *exasperated sigh* Well… Human, Crossover, and Adventure shall all get a 6/10. More there, but not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Points deducted due to Wanda and Cosmo appearing basically where they shouldn't, and how the worlds collide is flimsy at best.

Agh! This story suffers from some serious mistagging. This isn’t an adventure, and the human tag is almost redundant with the inclusion of the crossover tag. This feels more like it should have the comedy, random, and dark tags on it. It truly rules in those regards, but with the wrong tagging, this will draw in the wrong audience. 1.5/5 for it’s existing tags, 4.5/5 for still being a decent story regardless.

Silver Spirit, Ghost of Equestria

Genre: Adventure, Comedy, Crossover, Human

Wordcount: 207,976 words long, divided into 12 chapters ranging from 2k to 34k.

COULD THIS NOT BE ANYMORE AWKWARD WHEN IT COMES TO PACING? Jesus Christ on a pogostick, this is ludicrous! Read through the first two chapters here.

Grammar: Again, no better and no worse. 7.5/10

A few errors here in there, but DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA the formatting. Pink text, bold text, large text… It’s enough to make you scream. 6.5/10

Characterization: ... The CMC, Diamond, Silver, Cheerilee and Pinkie are very in-character, as far as I could tell. However, there's a bit of a mix between a fourth-wall break and self-depreciation from the author himself. Thus, points will be deducted. 7.5/10.

Nobody’s out of character, but everyone feels flat, Danny included. Some self-deprecation, and Pinkie’s fourth wall shenanigans were jarring to say the least. While I’ll admit it might be due to the fact that it’s early on in the story, there’s lot’s of room for growth with these characters. 7/10.

Use of show canon: The schoolhouse, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon making fun of the CMC for being blank flanks, said CMC wanting to get cutie marks, the library, the mirror pool, and Cheerilee being a teacher are used instead of mentioned. Rarity's dressmaking is also mentioned. Thus, 6/10; nothing really expanding on canon, but using it.

Fits into the canon, but as Dragonborne Fox said, it doesn’t really expand on it. No gains, no losses. 7.5/10.

Plot consistency: More solid, but still veers thanks to aforementioned self-depreciation from the author. 6/10.

Follows a very straightforward premise, but suffers from a fourth-wall break and a haphazardly thrown together transformation scene for Sweetie Belle. Doesn’t veer to far from the path, but it’s noticeable. 7/10.

Coherence: 6/10, easy to follow, but tedious thanks to pacing issues.

I’ll have to agree with her. The pacing in this story sucks. The sheer wordiness of the chapters drags things down to a crawl, leaving the reader wanting to move on. 6.5/10.

Extra things depending on genre: And now, the final stretch. Human is used minimally here. Danny gets minimal screentime in this one. Thus, a 3/10. Crossover and Adventure are more present, though, so both net an 8/10. Comedy is also more present, but not as much as the other two. I got some giggles here. 5/10. Sex won't be graded, as it isn't used.

I’m going to ignore Adventure and Sex, seeing as they didn’t really play a role up to where I read, but with thousands of words to go, it probably comes in somewhere. That leaves Comedy, Crossover, and Human. 1.5/2 for Human due to the inclusion of Danny Phantom. 2.5/3 for crossover for similar reasons. ⅖ for Comedy. It has it’s moments, but there’s still work to be done.

And now, my verdicts. Guilt scores 48/100, or 48%. Baltimare yields a 42.5/80, or 53%. Silver nets 57/90, or 63%. All three are rejected. The pacing, inconsistency, randomness, exposition overdose, and a number of other things were the factors. These are the mistake of a novice author who went, "Hey, let's make McLargeHuge chapters for McLargeHuge stories and see what happens!" As they stand, they flop. However, Silver's the best out of the three, and more of a guilty pleasure. The other two… meh.

34/65 or 52.3% for Guilt of a Phantom; 47.5/70 or 67.8% for The Baltimare Incident; and 40.5/60 or 67.5% for The Silver Spirit. While not nearly the worst I’ve read on here, these stories fall short in numerous aspects, turning away most casual readers. While the other two I wasn’t particularly fond of, The Baltimare Incident was a nice bit of absurdist humor that had me bursting at the seams. The big problem comes from the sheer length of these stories. The plot flows at a crawl, so getting through these is a chore, and slow reading turns away readers.