I was still within Rainbow Dash’s stomach, but it wasn’t so bad. Sure it was hot, moist, humid, and rather strange, but it was a good kind, and I mostly enjoyed it.

I'm kinkshaming!

1

I say mostly because, there was still the looming possibility of being digested or possibly suffocating for lack of fresh oxygen.

Well, technically you should be dead by now. As I said in the review of the last chapter, stomachs have acid which digests food. So, Controller would be dead. But, of course, the author wants to write their fetish, so common knowledge about organs are completely thrown out the window.

2

I still didn’t have any electronics to play with!

...Is this character really this addicted to electronics? Goodness, he sounds like a kid nowadays when their parents encourage them to play outside.

3

I tried teleporting for like the fifth time now, but no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t!

Maybe that's because you have used your horn way too much over the past day.

4

When I approached him though, he seemed a little bit nuts.

So Controller apparently met another pony named Wildstyle in RD's stomach. Why does everyone accidentally teleport into Rainbow's food?

Also, you should be going nuts if you were trapped in a stomach, since you would be dying shortly.

This deserves two sins.

6

“I’m fine, but my legs are gone.”
“Oh… then you should be thankful I learned healing magic”
And after I said that, I used my healing magic to heal his body and made it 100% intact.

...

I don't think I have anything to say here. Magic shouldn't be able to give ponies their legs back.

This deserves five sins.

11

Then Wildstyle Screamed with rage

"Screamed" shouldn't be capitalized.

Also, is it weird that I imagined his scream being extremely high pitched?

12

his wings were damaged, but intact, so I healed the wings and he started flying and told me to fly with him.

Of course you did.

13

“Wait I got… nope I just lost it… I got… I better hurry and write it on a piece of paper…

What is Wildstyle even saying here?

14

Then, to quote Silver the Hedgehog from the Sonic series of games, I said it like him, “It’s no USE!”

15

“Okay, how you pull random objects out of hammerspace is beyond me,

How? Pinkie does it all the time. You should know this by now.

16

Then he pulled out a loud gun and shot himself in the leg.

17

Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and spit us out of her stomach somehow;

How would she only spit them out? The only way to purposely spit something out from your stomach is gagging yourself, which would cause the food you just digested to come out as well.

18

So before Rainbow Dash could open her eyes, I rushed toward and open door and finally got out of Rainbow Dash’s house.

Why are you so eager to leave?

19

“Ugh, you sound like my mother! Stop worrying over me so much!”

This guy really doesn't understand that it's healthy for friends to worry about each other.

20

“Sorry, I can’t resist, I care about you so much!

How does Twilight care so much about him already? He's only been here for a day!

21

“You already said that.”

No need to be a douche and point it out.

22

I hugged her and she hugged me back.

Wouldn't Controller smell awful? He was just in a pony's stomach, after all. How Twilight doesn't notice the stench and doesn't question him about it is a bit confusing to me.

23

She was no longer a titan, and I was no longer a Pikmin.

Why does the author feel the need to throw in all these game references?

24

“No you don’t, but I know you! I know everything about you

This sounds extremely creepy. If a stranger came up to me and said "I know everything about you", I would be terrified.

25

“Well… a lot. I know that your name is Applejack, and you are a southern Ponyville earth pony who has a farm called sweet apple acres. You have a big brother named ‘Big Macintosh’ and a little sister named “Applebloom”. Your grandma’s name is Granny smith and you have many more relatives all named after apple types or apple dishes. You are the element of honesty and you- along with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle- all are the best friends!”
“Whoa now! Who told you this!?”

I actually don't know why this is such a big deal to Applejack. All of Ponyville should know who lives at Sweet Apple Acres.

26

“Nopony, I just know.” Applejack was now scared of me and she decided to walk away and rest her head a bit.

Once again, all of Ponyville should know the things Controller listed off. Why is she so overwhelmed by this?

27

But to be completely honest with you, I like Rainbow Dash a WHOLE LOT more!” Applejack replied, “Everypony does.”

Wow. This guy comes up to Applejack, says he's a fan of hers, but then says he likes RD more than AJ. That's like someone coming up to you and saying "you're really cool, but I like this person more than you". That's a little offensive, don't you think?

28

Well yeah, because she is SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!!”
“Yes, I already know that! Everypony knows that!”

Applejack admits that RD is awesome. I don't know why, but this does not seem like something AJ would admit to.

29

“And this is my fond grandmother, Granny smith!”
“And how are you all doing?”
“We are dong just fantastic! Our family has all it needs!”
“That is great to hear!”
“Wanna stay and eat some dinner with us?”
“Sure, why not?”

The author has no dialogue tags, so it's hard to tell who's saying what here.

30

Then the “mane” course was more like a desert,

...

31

“Sure thing Controller Skies! I’ll set up a bed for you in Applebloom’s room”

Poor Apple Bloom.

32

Sins: 32

Sentence: Fetish Wish Fulfillment

It's been a while since I've reviewed a chapter... whoops...

Review of Chapter 1
Review of Chapter 2

tmw the self-insert gets out of hand.