“That’s…” Fluttershy trailed off.
“Isn’t he the cutest thing?” Pinkie gushed.

“Misleading Conversation Without Context” cliché.
1)

“A …A baby Alligator...!”

Innuendo.
2)

“I found him nearby the pond at the park. The poor thing looked so lost, and cute and alone, I just had to take him home with me!”

Park filled with alligators is open to the Ponyville public.
3)
Also, what is any mother alligator doing laying her eggs in a f*cking pond? I mean, horsemeat is good, especially from foals. But, you’d think that an alligator smart enough to travel all the way to an isolated pond would realize that all her kids should be in a more strategic position. Like, say, the Everfree.
4)

“It’s okay, Fluttershy. He’s got no teeth, see?”

Oh, okay, and she rescued an isolated reptile without teeth. I'll buy that.
Still, I don’t remember Pinkie ever living in Berk.
5)

“I don’t mean to be the wet blanket, but I do have my doubts, Pinkie. What are you going to do when he gets bigger?”

Fluttershy’s suggesting that he won’t be even more fun when he’s bigger. Take from that what you will, but I’m dead serious: gator wrestling is fun!
6)

And…and he won’t be growing up for a long time, right?”

Hey! You two do have something in common, then!
7)

“Right,” Fluttershy sighed, lying down on Pinkie’s bed. She picked up a magazine lying next to her and tried to read, but not even the cute shoes, skirts, and scarves could grab her full attention.

Fashion porn.
8)

“…Gummy! That’s perfect! From henceforth, you shall be known as Gummy the third! Well, you’re actually the first, but three’s the magic number!”

I know you, Pinkie: you never do anything without a reason. And I highly doubt he’s your first.
Wait…
9)

She bounced on the tips of her shoes and wiggled her hips as she hummed. “Little Gummy, you’re the one! You make bath time lots of fu—oh!”

Scene does not contain a lap dance.
10)
Also, Sesame Street.
11)
12)
13)
14)

“My Pinkie sense disagrees with you~!” the party girl sang, running out.

So… your Pinkie Sense is telling you that she heard something? You’ve known her longer than me, yet even I know she’s too… ‘Fluttershy’ to lie for no reason.
15)

“Hey, Raribear!” Pinkie greeted.

Rarity X Whinnie the Pooh? I thought that ship already sank…
16)

Said girl blinked and then smiled, shaking off her apparent surprise. “Hello, Pinkie Pie,” she chirped as she waltzed in.

Typical Rarity: Can’t enter a building without dancing. I disco whenever I enter the DMV, myself.
17)

“Fluttershy, dear!” Rarity stretched her arms out and kissed her on both cheeks. “Bonjourno!”
“Oh, my,” Fluttershy said with a surprised smile.

Shipping.
18)

Pinkie put her hands on her hips and pouted. “Hey! Where are my kisses?” Rarity laughed lightly and kissed her on the cheeks, earning a giggle-snort from the pink girl.

Rarity gets all the mares.
19)

“What’s not to be happy about? School is over, the summer sun is shining, the birds are chirping…” She did a pirouette, letting her long hair and skirt swish around her.

You just gave three reasons not to be happy!
And I don’t know about you, but where I come from: when the birds sing in the morning, we eat them.
20)

“And…do you notice anything new about me today?” Fluttershy clasped her hands together behind her back while Pinkie rubbed her chin, her eyes squinted. Both scrutinized their friend closely.

I’ll bet they did.
21)

Pinkie slapped her hand on one knee and pointed at Rarity. “I got it! You bought a new bra!”

Pinkie would know.
22)

“What I meant was, do you notice anything expensive about me?”

You all know where this is going…
23)

Pinkie looked up after placing the bottles inside her backpack. “Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that! Looks like Rarity’s about to meet my special best friend forever!”

I swear I don’t have a dirty mind. I’m not the only one seeing this, right?
24)

Rarity shuddered on the bathroom floor. “Th-there was--!” She noticed Gummy swimming inside of the toilet next to her, the gem still in his mouth. “EEEEEEEEK!!!” She scrambled to get up, her hand pushing on the handle.
FFFLLLUSSSHHH.

So… I take it you’ll be searching for a pet and a gem in the sewers? Careful, I hear that there’s a toad with similar goals.
25)

“My gem!” Rarity shouted.
“My Gummy!” Pinkie wailed.
“My goodness!” Fluttershy gasped.

"My leg!"
26)

“And even though it’s different noooow, you’re still here somehooow, my heart won’t let you goooo, a-and I need you to knooooow, I miss yooooou, *Gasp* sha-la-la-la-laaaaaa *Sob* I miss yooooou!”

*sigh* This f*cking song.
27)

A long, wet sob filled their ears for a good three minutes before Pinkie’s voice took on a more threatening tone. “Take a long walk off a short pier, I’M NOT HOME! Oh, and please leave a message at the beep.”

Well, now I know why the bakery is selling marshmallow cupcakes...
28)

“But…wait, are you two together?"

“Eeyup,” Applejack affirmed, pulling Rainbow’s hood over her face, making the athlete yelp. “We’re at the gym. We’ve been at it all day…it’s a long story. Best o’luck to you with Pinkie Pie and Rarity.”

If you look closely, you can see an AppleDash in its natural environment.
29)

“Oh, we’ll be there. In spirit. The Gym’s like, on the other side of town from where they live, and A.J.'s not going anywhere. I challenged her. Besides, it seems to me that this fiasco needs to be settled ASAP.”

"Flutters, we'd love to help, but we need to go f*ck around at the gym first."
30)

“Let Harmony be with you, grasshopper! May—ow!”

Dashyagi.
31)

“Two, best friends, two broken hearts…and only one of me.”

“Hero Thinking ‘I am Only Me’ in a Tense Situation” cliché.
32)

“Oh, Angel, I’m stumped.

Tree joke.
33)

“Nom nom nom…. She chooses a flushed away lizard over her dearest and—NOM!—closest friend!”

This is Pinkie Pie we're talking about here, right? "Fall-in-Love-with-a-Statue" Pinkie? Honestly, I'm surprised that you're surprised.
34)

She reclined on her large sofa in a soft fuzzy robe complete with slippers, just as Rainbow Dash had predicted. Thick, black mascara ran down her face as she cried.

"Draw me like one of your French Girls... only gothic."
35)

“Oh, no need, Darling.” Rarity stood up and opened her robe,

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the rating on this story?

revealing her normal street clothes underneath.

Oh... 'T'... right...
36)

Fluttershy and Rarity stood outside of Pinkie Pie’s door, which had a large black bow draped across it. “Maybe I should go in first,” Fluttershy murmured. Rarity nodded and stood back as Fluttershy cracked the door open. As far as she could tell, the lights were off, giving her a bad feeling.

"Pinkie?” the meek girl called out softly. When there was no answer, she opened the door a few more inches. “It’s me, Fluttershy. Are you in there?”

“More or less,” a dry voice croaked out.

“Do you mind if I come in?”

Fluttershy went to the Steven King School of Responding to Creepy Situations.
37)

“It’s a free country, isn’t it?” Fluttershy slipped inside and gently closed the door behind her.

“But then,” Pinkie continued, staring off into space. “Is freedom really free?” Fluttershy turned around and took a good look at the sad scene in front of her. The curtains had been drawn, but there were a few sun beams that managed to brake through the cracks, casting thin streaks of sunlight over the darkened bedroom. Pinkie sat in the middle of her bed, the picture of pure misery. Her once curly and frizzy hair fell flat, tumbling over her face and shoulders. Dry tears covered her cheeks and fresh ones bloomed in the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall.

F*cking RUN! Have you ever even heard of Cupcakes?!
38)
Also: sunlight has brakes now.
39)

Pinkie’s eyes flashed. “Hang out!? Can’t you see I’m still in mourning?” She pointed to her left arm, which had a black ribbon tied around it. “Gummy’s not even six feet under water, and you want me to hang out!?”

It happens, pets disappear, no need to be a b*tch about it.
40)

“Because it’s better than you moping around in here all day. And I want you to talk to somebody too. Come in!”

Oh, sure, bring the one who started this in the dark room. You’re no Sherlock Holmes, that’s for sure.
41)

Pinkie glared at the purple haired girl and gritted her teeth. “Who let you in?”

Rarity scowled back, starting to get frustrated again. “YOUR FATHER!”

Ohhh… that’s what she meant by Raribear...
42)
Also: discout Yo Momma.
43)

“Uhhh, we’re just rehearsing a play, Daddy,” Pinkie called back. “It’s called the Lemur Queen, and Rarity plays the backstabbing sister that destroys the family to get the crown!”

Discount Lion King.
44)

Rarity glared at Pinkie.

“Ohh. Oh, okay, darlin’.”

Careful, your Rarijack is showing.
45)

“Well, so are you…Miss…Miss….I’d call you by your last name, but you don’t have one!”

Rarity gasped. “Why, I never!”

“And you never will!”

Hahahahahahaha… ahahahaha.
Okay, okay, you got me there. Three sins off for that line:
42)

“Those are fighting words,” Rarity said dangerously, curling her hands into fists.

Careful, your Rarijack is showing.
43)

“Cat fight! Cat fight!” a group of boys chanted.

No, Pony Fight.
44)

Fluttershy glared at them, clearly unamused.

Fluttershy is not amused.
45)

Finally, she gave a deep throaty scream and grabbed Pinkie Pie and Rarity by the ear.

She was met with cries of surprise and pain.

Phrasing.
46)

“If you two want to act like children, then I’ll treat you like children,”

Scene does not contain spanking.
47)

Fluttershy said firmly. “You two are going to talk it out and become instant BFF's again, if it’s the last thing I do!” She dragged them down the sidewalk and crossed the street, all while keeping Pinkie’s and Rarity’s ears firmly pinched between her fingers.

Didn’t you already learn that forced friendships never work? Does Cranky not exist in this universe?
48)

“Owwww! Okay, okay, we’ll do whatever you want, just please staaaaaahp!”

Stahp.
49)

Rarity and Pinkie Pie both continued to whine and moan as they walked. People they passed on the street regarded them with confusion and humor. Pinkie was pretty sure they had distracted a student driver, if the crashing sound behind them was any indication.

And you’re not concerned, beecaaauuuusse?
50)
Also, I know it’s a confusing sight for most people outside of the High School ages, but this is f*cking High School! Girls whining and moaning on campus while being held by another girl is not an unusual sight. If anything, it’s called Friday Night.
51)

“Geez, Fluttershy,” Pinkie winced.

You two just got your asses dragged across campus and into a dark alleyway by the quietest girl in your class, and that’s your initial reaction? Granted, I’ve never been in that situation, but this would raise a few red flags: even if you do know her.
52)

“How did you even come to know about this place?”

Fluttershy cleared her throat. “It doesn’t matter. I brought you here so that we would have some peace and quiet. No distractions.”

Wow, implied rape backstory in a T rated one-shot. Did not see that coming…
53)

Pinkie cut Rarity off by tackling her in a hug. “Oh, Rarity, I’m so so sorry! I didn’t mean all those things I said! I-I was just so sad and angry about Gummy, and…and I took it out on you, even though I really knew it wasn’t your fault, a-aaa-and….” She sighed, gripping her tighter. “Can you ever forgive me? Can we be friends again? Please?”

Rarity simply chuckled and held Pinkie close. “Of course.”

Scene does not contain a… oh, f*ck it.
54)

“Yeah, thanks, Flutters. Losing Gummy really hurts, but… I’m feeling much better now that I’m friends with Rarity again!”

“Yeah, my pet just died, but I have friends, so no use crying over spilt milk. By the way, have any of you seen a tortoise?”
55)

Fluttershy smiled. “Tough love,” she sighed contentedly. “There’s nothing like it.”

That's what she said.
56)

Rarity brought up the rear and gazed down at her watch to check the time, when something shiny caught her eye. “Huh?” She stopped and peered down at the sewer drain from where the light had emanated.

Sewer Grate Ex-Machina.
57)

“What are you looking at?” Fluttershy asked,her eyes cast downward.

*snap* *snap* eyes up here, Fluttershy.
58)

"I think I saw something sparkle down there!”

Her name is Twilight, you posh little--
59)

Rarity waved a hand. “No thank you. I’m not sitting in that dust and grime, but I’ll take your word for it.”

“And he’s got your gem in his mouth!”

“What!?” Rarity squawked, falling on her stomach next to her friends. “Well! Will wonders never cease!”

Rarity might be afraid of getting dirty, but the power of gem-boners is stronger, apparently.
60)

Pinkie Pie bounced on her knees impatiently. “We’ve got to get him out! Don’t worry, Gummy! Mommy’s coming!”

NEVER SCREAM THIS IN PUBLIC!
61)

Matilda screamed and fled. “Alligator! Alligator!” she shrieked. “Down in the sewer!” People nearby dropped what they were doing and ran in panic, screaming bloody murder.

Rarity frantically waved her arms. “No wait! It’s not what you think! He’s just a—"

This is why you start with the term “My pet”.
62)
Also: “Old Woman Misunderstands and Creates Panic” cliché.
63)

"—Baby.”

“Maybe we should have mentioned that beforehand,” Fluttershy said, looking around in dismay.

Fluttershy would be great at ReadingSins.
64)

Just then, a tall, dark, gangly man strolled past with a pail full of equipment. He surveyed the street, just now noticing the lack of people around. He sniffed under his arm and shrugged. “I don’t see what the big deal is. I showered two days ago…”

*tsk* Man, they dragged Discord into this, didn’t they?
65)

“N-Now just hold on a toe picking minute!” he said sharply, trying to pry the teenager off him.

Toe picking.
66)

“The school year is over, therefore, I don’t work for you brats anymore! I’m on vacation! On leave! Hiatus! Meaning, go find someone else to do the dirty work for you!”

This is exactly how I feel when I don’t have nursery duty. Sin is for reminding me that I have nursery duty.
67)

“Pleaseohpleaseohpleasewereallyneedyourhelpandwewon’taskforanythingelseforaslongaswelivepleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssseee!”

“Don’t make any promises you can’t keep.”
“Those are the best kind…”
68)

He trudged over to Fluttershy and Rarity with Pinkie hitching a ride, still clinging to his legs.

“We’ve got a Pink-on, Captain!”
69)

“He’s down there,” Fluttershy said, pointing at Gummy. Discord peered down the sewer drain and snorted. “You want me to rescue a turtle?”

“Gator,” Pinkie hissed.

“Character Says the Wrong Name Just to be a Dick” cliché.
70)

“Your'e such a gentleman, Mr. Discord,” Rarity complimented, resting her hip on the concrete.

“Draw me like one of your French girls.”
71)

He pulled out a rusty fishing rod and unraveled the hook. “Stand back, ladies. I’m going Gator fishing!”

Discount Crocodile Hunter.
72)

He leaned over and frowned. “He doesn’t seem to be moving. Maybe he’s dead.”

Oh no, a crocodile is remaining motionless… did you even graduate middle school?
73)

Rarity gently pulled her gem from Gummy’s mouth and polished it against her skirt. “Just as stunning as ever!”

Uhh… she does know where that was, right? Rarity wouldn’t just wipe spit on her skirt, and call it good. Granted, it’s covered in mud already, but this is Rarity we’re talking about.
74)

“Gummy says thanks too!”

Discord frowned upon looking at Gummy’s blank stare. “Ehh. Cute.”

Discord is a dick to cuteness.
75)

Pinkie hugged him close and skipped around the group in merriment. “He’s alive, he’s alive!”

On the other side of the street, a small Church let out. A group of people spread out on the lawn and started to say their goodbyes, but stopped when they saw Pinkie Pie prancing around shouting, “He’s alive, he’s alive!”

“Amen, sister!” the pastor shouted.

You had one job, Pilate! One. Job.
76)

“I thought he was gone, but he came back to me in three days!” Pinkie trilled.

A few people shouted joyfully and applauded her. “He has risen, hallelujah~!”
“It’s a miracle!”
“Yes!”
“It’s astounding!”
“Preach it, girl!”
“He’s ALIVE!”
The large group gave jointed praises and crossed the street as the choir started singing.

He’s aliiiive! He’s aliiiive!

77)

She, Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Applejack all sat around in the grass watching their pets interact with each other.

Uhh… phrasing.
78)

Her eyes widened when Gummy slowly made his way up her body.

Uhh…

“What…oh….” She shrugged good naturedly and lifted him up towards the gem.

Innuendo?
79)

Rainbow Dash gasped in horror. “Applejack! What the heck is your dog doing to my tortoise?!”

“*GASP* Winona! Get offa Tank this instant! Bad girl! Bad!”

“I thought only males did that,” Rarity chuckled, blushing heavily.

This moment brought to you by Micheal Bay.
80)

As soon as Tank was free, Gummy climbed onto his shell.

Round two.
81)

So this is my new family. It's coming along, I suppose. Winona is wise beyond her years, but very excitable. Opal pretty much ignores everyone, but as long as I don’t bite her tail, we seem to have an understanding. Tank and I seem to have an unworldly bonding that only true brothers can forge. And Angel…well, he’s like a dirty cotton swab, but he doesn’t bother me so much, probably because I don’t react to him as much as he would like.

Gator-logue.
82)
Also: “Ending on a monologue” cliché.
83)

So yeah, another weird story that barely makes sense I wrote this in a coffee shop, because boredom!

It shows.
84)

(Note to the Admins: I was informed anyone could try it. So, how did I do? I checked the rules three times over: so if I missed something, please let me know, admins.)

(Also, Summer: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!)