Here we have a fic which has quite the downvote-upvote ratio, and is in a lot of badfic groups.

Woo boy, this'll be fun.

And right from the start, I loved all of the characters, but my favorite was Rainbow dash.

Oh, I think we know who he's gonna date when he gets to Equestria. After all, this story does have a romance tag.
1

I always loved to write fan fiction where Rainbow dash and other ponies were vore predators.

...What? I guess this kind of story could be considered normal on this site, though you could have least given an explanation of what makes "vore" predators different from any other predator.
2

I loved apples, another thing me and the ponies had in common.

Oh, I love apples! Me and the Equestrian ponies must be more connected than I thought!
3

I have so many video games, that I barely know what to play when to play it!

First world problems.
4

And little did I know, I was going to meet her soon, along with everypony else.

Horribly written foreshadowing.
5

Instead, the screen went white and asked me a question in black text. It said, “Want to have all of your dreams come true?”

This is extremely ominous. Though, it's not like this kid would trust this random voice-

I obviously replied yes

...
6

“Ugh, what the hay happened?”

This kid loves MLP so much that he regularly speaks in horse pronouns.
7

Yes, I was so obsessed with the show that I literally spoke pony

And this confirms it.
8

I looked at my back, and I had wings. The hooves plus the wings plus the horn meant, “I’m a Bucking Alicorn!”

Automatically becoming an alicorn when being transferred to Equestria cliché. This deserves ten sins.
18

I was alone in Equestria, with nopony to turn to.

You just said you were in a cave, and there was nothing besides your appearance to prove you were in Equestria. Who knows? You could be in another universe where the majority of ponies are alicorns and the princesses are earth ponies.
19

“So much for Equestria”

Time to give up and go home. Good for us-

Oh, wait, he's not leaving.
20

Then I saw Pinkie Pie!

Why would Pinkie Pie be in the middle of nowhere? You just got done saying how you had no idea where you were. If you were in the Everfree, why would Pinkie just casually be there?
21

I somehow used magic with my horn and used it to levitate a rock that was now surrounded with a green aura and I threw it at Pinkie pie’s head.

Violence to pink party pony. This deserves three sins.
24

“Darn it Pinkie, just talk normal for 5 seconds!”

“Sorry Greenie!”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Call you what?”

“Greenie! Just because I am a green pony doesn’t mean my name is Greenie!”

This guy is continuously yelling at Pinkie. I'm still surprised she continues to talk to him.
25

I was my OC!

26

I facehoofed, “Thanks for the information you ditz.”

Insulting a pony you just met. Dang, this guy is giving off an awful first impression.
27

All I could do was stand there in shock at how stupid Pinkie pie was being.

If you were such a big fan as you say you are, you would know this behavior is completely normal for Pinkie.
28

I was thinking about how much fun I could have with everypony.

Well, you won't get to have any fun if you continue with the unpleasant first impressions.
29

It was like I already knew how to be a pony, I walked without trouble, I flew with ease, and I used magic completely accidentally!

Of course you can.
30

I don’t want to seem like a know-it-all.

That's a bit difficult, considering you've watched MLP and already know a lot about Equestria.
31

I soon lost consciousness and everything faded to black.

This guy lost consciousness from travelling a few miles. This doesn't make sense. You and Pinkie could have easily rested for a short time in the Everfree. Sure, there are monsters, but it's easier than eventually passing out. Or, you know, you can teleport the two of you, since you apparently know how to use magic already.
32

Pinkie Pie, I’m sorry for calling you a ditz and a moron earlier

Apology not accepted by us hardcore Pinkie Pie fans.
33

Princess Twilight Sparkle came in and gave me some carrots and apples to eat.

I understand why Pinkie would be here, but why would Twilight? She doesn't even know this guy!
34

Yes, it’s just that, you are so beautiful I had no words to say.”

Oh, so now it sounds like he's falling for the princess. I really hope that romance tag isn't true.
35

“You’re welcome. Why don’t you come visit me in my library later tonight?”

Twilight hasn't even met the guy and she's already invited him to come to the library.
36

“I hope I didn’t infatuate her.”

We all sincerely hope you didn't, either.
37

Then I began eating like a pig, 10 apples; gone!

How does one possibly eat that many apples in the first place?
38

“Excuse me sir? Um… who brought me here?” The doctor just smiled back at me and said, “The pony in question wants you to find out on your own.”

...What?

I'm betting it's Rainbow Dash. What about you guys?
39

Turns out the whole time I was asleep, Pinkie Pie was setting up a surprise party for my visit;

Why would the doctors even allow this? A surprise party would disturb the other patients in the hospital.
40

I laughed and chuckled and cried tears of joy.

Because being thrown a surprise party is such a heartwarming experience you cry tears of joy.
41

I flew so that I could get there faster

Of course you did. You're a divine alicorn who has mastered both flying and magic as soon as you arrived.
42

Sins: 42

Sentence: Trusting mysterious computer voices

I'll be doing chapter two soon!

And this is just a silly parody. It is not meant to be offensive in any way.

Link to story

5436252 You sure that becoming an alicorn right off the bat isn't deserving of more sins?

But seriously, great review! Can't wait for chapter two!

5436268

Hm... actually, it's probably deserving of ten now that I think about it... time to change it!

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!

5436252 You'd think that after all of the bad self-insert stories that've been made, people would finally learn to not create such things unless it was a joke.

Gotta fufill dat fantasy tho amirite?

5436590

Yeah, you would think so

I guess so! After all, who doesn't want to read about someone's time in Equestria as a horribly overpowered OC that also dates all of the mane six and is perfect in every which way?

I was my OC!