3359771

Ah. Well I like head pats.

Er- no wait! Humans are super dumb. My grandfather's been to the human world and he says that humans only know how to build things out mud and stone and that they poop in the same water they drink and stuff.

They're basically one step up from monkeys.

3359792

Humans can do something those bat pones can't do. We can easily walk in the sun and darkness.

3359803

I'm not a bat pony...

And are you a talking knife?

3359809

The conversation was confusing. What are you?

And, yes… I am a talking knife.

3359813

I guess knives are kind of like artificial, metal fangs, so I approve.

I hereby declare Kabar not heresy!

3359792 Xeno, do you know anything about the Human species, eh?

3359813 Are you the only one of your kind, or is there a whole planet of sapient knife xenos?

3359817

…

Okay?

3359820

I know tons about humans. Like I said my grandfather told me all about you. How you live in caves and hit each other on the heads with clubs. How you never bath. How your society is split into small farming communities and even smaller hunter-gatherer tribes. Those "drawings" of horses and stuff you make on your walls.

Yep. Tons.

3359824

…

I think there used to be an entire planet.

I'm not sure, I was adopted by a Marine and used to kill Tojo, then he passed me onto his son and he killed North Koreans, then he passed me onto his son and he killed Vietnamese with me. So on and so on.

3359835 You know nothing about Humanity, eh.

3359845

Are you saying my grandfather lied to me? He went over to the human world a while ago and saw all of this himself.

3359842

Well they only killed, like, evil North Koreans right? And it's not like you impress your will on them to compel them to kill, right?

3359852 Yes, he either lied to you, or he was a blind fool, eh.

3359835 If we bathe, we wash away all of Papa Nurgle's wondrous gifts! So we don't ever bathe or change our clothes, because Father Nurgle loves everyone just the way they are!

3359857

Nah, they follow the rules of engagement.

Well… besides that one guy we had to torture to save our buddy.

And, yes, they know I'm a sapient knife.

3359860 Can't be a blinder fool than you servant of the False Emperor!

3359860

Neither of those things are true! My grandfather was a very respectable vampire, and he even has several artifacts from the human world. Sure, his visit was a while ago, and maybe your cave paintings have gotten a bit better since then, but I doubt you've gotten any more sophisticated since then.

3359863

See?

3359867

That's gotta be awkward.

3359883

Not really, I do my thing, they do their's. Plus, I've saved their lives a few times.

And that knife sharpener. Oh… man. That is the best feeling in the world when they use that.

3359883 Are you sure? You seem to be very, very outdated, eh.

3359883 Father Nurgle loves vampires too! He's team Edward. So give Papa Nurgle a hug.

3359883

I was used to stake a rogue vampire when it attacked my Human's Corps division.

3359888 What type of marine adopted you?

3359901

Initially, it was a WWII US Marine who was seperated from his squad after Tojo ambushed him. Poor man was disarmed, his old knife had disentigrated in the jungle and he had dropped his rifle to run.

I saved his life.

3359891

His last visit was only 10,000 years ago.

3359896

K. *Hugs*

3359913 Well, alot can happen in 10,000 years, eh.

3359916

Like... what? You figured out how to forge copper?

3359922

More like they now have the ability to wipe an entire island plus some off the face of the map.

3359922 We can destroy entire continents at the push of a button, eh.

3359922 My father wasn't a skeleton on a throne worshipped by idiot's 10,000 years ago.
3359916

3359936 THE EMPEROR IS ALL POWER AND HOLY!

3359939 Father is stinky and stupid.

3359933
3359935

So they're still pretty primitive? First of all, I doubt humans could have invented anything like that. Second, even if they did, that still wouldn't impress me. Third, the fact that you go straight to weapons suggests that you're still all violent and uncivilized.

3359936

Was he ever a skeleton on a throne?

3359947

Well, they did. I witnessed it myself. Part of a Force Recon team keeping an eye on the Russians.

3359947 This is what he looked like ten thousand years ago.

and this is him now.

3359946 Quiet you, eh.

3359947 Well, if you do not enjoy the power of Humanity now, then enjoy our past, eh.

3359952

How do you witness things, by the way?

3359947

Third, the fact that you go straight to weapons suggests that you're still all violent and uncivilized.

A.) thank you for calling me violent and uncivlized.
B.) You have to feed off the blood of sapients! How are Humans uncivilized?

3359959

...

I don't know. That's like asking me how I'm motile, or how I can type. It just happens… okay?

3359957

That guy must have done a lot of drugs.

3359958

That's actually a pretty nice castle. I'm surprised you guys managed to build something like that.

3359962

A) I didn't mean you. Maybe your knife-race is civilized.
B) I can drink any kind of blood I want. In fact as a quarter vampire, I could refrain from blood entirely. Sides, humans drink blood too. The Mother Empress told me so.

3359958 The emperor is stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky stinky

3359974

I'm not entirely sure what Mother Empress was talking about, but Humans don't drink blood. In fact it can make Humans sick if they drink blood.

3359974 Oh, we can build things you can never imagine, eh.

3359985

What? Then all that blood I gathered to feed the starving humans is going to be wasted?

3360007

…

I've spent nearly 72 years keeping my Humans safe, I think I know the minor and major points of Humans.

3360007

Also, I think you replied to the wrong person.

3360013

Like where to stab them?

3360020

3359997

I doubt that.

3360025 Why do you doubt the power of humanity, eh?

3359979

3360021

Well… I mean I've killed enemy soldiers before, so… yeah.