I don't come across stories like this very often. Usually, fics I read have some sort of character development that is consistent with the show characters we all know. This story didn't even seem to have characters. To explain why, let me tell you the plot as briefly as I can.
Everypony dies. That's all I can tell you. Twilight goes around to each of her friends, and they die somehow. No setup, no build up, not even a conversation for any of them. Every line of dialogue except for Twilight and Luna get's cut off mid sentence by some horrible event. You could replace the names of the characters with any name, and it would still make sense. The ponies aren't necessary.
The characters we do actually get to follow, Twilight and Luna, are completely out of character. Twilight goes into rage mode towards the end, and Luna is some sort of devilish dream witch. Why did they behave this way? I don't know, and it's never explained. We may never get an answer, because dead ponies tell no tales.
The worst offense by far was the brevity. Every event that takes place is no more than a paragraph. That goes for when characters die. Death scenes consist mostly of ‘Pinkie pie collapsed from a heart attack’, or ‘Fluttershy’s cottaged collapsed’. These aren’t direct quotes, but they are only slightly less descriptive than the actual narrative. If there were multiple chapters, with one character dying per, then there would be more room for development, both for the characters and the story. We may actually have gotten an answer as to why Luna was torturing Twilight so.
But, that isn’t what we find. The final product is a cold, and dare I say boring description of events, without any thought given to building emotional attachments. As a result, I don’t find myself particularly concerned when anything happens. I wouldn’t recommend anyone read it, or even that it be reworked. It’s best if the author moves on to other projects.
Story by Syeekoh

2878206
I saw the thread name in a notice and I thought it was about my story of a similar name for a moment. I'm glad it wasn't. Ouch.

I'll be honest, I'm only commenting in this thread to increase the amount of Sweetie Belle present.

Regardless, it's short enough that I think I need to read it just to see what it's like.

2878271
I went and read it. I started laughing very quickly. Oh my gosh. Should have been Comedy tagged.

Bad, but really funny.

Quick thing, just remember that the stories near the bottom of the folder are a higher priority for review then the ones near the top! I'd check the review update thread and see what your co-commentators are working on, and work on the next story in the queue. Some writer's stories have been in there for quite a while. It's not fair to them for newer stories to reviewed when they have been waiting patiently for theirs.

2878206 Thank you for reviewing it. I'll keep your criticisms in mind.

2878206 Note this comment. by 2878582

2878354
Yeah, I'm with SBA on this one. I'd be upvoting it if it had a Comedy tag.

It actually reminds me of the earlier parts of "The Many Deaths of Rainbow Dash" by Relaxing Dragon. The parts where it was just Dash involved with the mess, and before we met the "villain".

Also it could probably be rated Teen/Gore instead of Mature.

2879273 I did wrong?

2879487
I forgot an "e". It was meant to say Note. I assure that you did nothing wrong.

2879592 Lol ok I felt bad for a moment. I hope all is well my friend.