Hello everypony, I'm TheLevelHeadedBrony! I'm here today to commentate/ review Lyra and Bonbon Private Investigators: The Case of the Missing Muffins by Archace

Commentary(Spoilers)

Lyra and Bonbon have opened a detective agency and are taking on their first case. What starts as a some missing muffins soon escalates. Now, it's up to these completely unlicensed non-professionals to solve the case. Oh, somepony also dies.

When I first saw the description, I laughed. ...Oh and someone dies...but it no big deal...

We might need some theme music for this. Find a good detective theme song and watch the insanity behind this story unfurl!

“Lyra,” Bonbon sighed, “first of all, Sherclop is a sociopath, why would you want to be like him?

sorry...i couldn' resist.

“Listen.” Lyra started again. “It’s not that bad. I already have a case. We’ll pay this off in no time.”
Bonbons eyes popped open. “What? How do you already have a case? You said that you just thought this up last night.”
Lyra glowed with excitement. “Come on, our client is waiting for us at Sweet Apple Acres.”

I have to agree with Bonbon...how did she get the client so fast. I doubt a few missing muffins would be big news in Ponyville

Then again, these three: did a number with news this size,
so a simple "Applejack stopped by when she saw the sign..." would clear this up. Realistically, the client comes to you and explains, not the other way around. By the time you get to investigating, you would have already accepted the case instead of still deciding.

in fact, the only one not enjoying the amazing weather was Big Macintosh, who was frantically turning over every object he could find.
“Hey there, Big Mac!” Bonbon greeted as they arrived on the scene. “You okay?”
The large stallion spun on his hooves to face them. “Lyra! Bonbon! Thank celestia you’ve arrived!” His nervous bellows were uncharacteristic of the usually stoic pony.

It seems that Bonbon has taken the liberty of pointing out all the things i find off...

:Big Mac's behavior was totally out of his character, being the silent type. Even in worry, he should still remain silent.

Anyway, the duo starts to investigate...wait...no they don't... instead of investigating the scene of the crime, Lyra decides to start accusing ponies.... Not only is this entirely unrealistic, but it's also illegal...Derpy Should Sue

After Dr. Hooves breaks Derpy out, Lyra and Bonbon go to do what they should have done in the first place :look for evidence before it disappears...(and probably interview Big Mac), but this all gets short when they stumble upon a dead Carrot Top.

Besides the dialogue, this is one of the best aspect of the story, that the writers were gutsy enough to kill off a semi-well known background pony.

Mayor Mare shifted nervously. “Okay, you’re hired. I’m counting on you two.”
Bonbon fell back on her haunches and her mouth hung open. The Mayor trotted off back to city hall. Lyra was bouncing with excitement.
“I can’t believe you just did that…” Bonbon said, completely dumbfounded that the Mayor would even consider hiring them to investigate.

Didn't she say herself

“The royal guard has been alerted. This will all be dealt with soon.”

so why let two inexperienced mares on the crime scene?
Two, PI's don't usually investigate murders, and if they did, they would after the guards' investigation, meaning that the crime scene's evidence would already be photographed and preserved, meaning no missing evidence (cough cough), and no trip to the morgue. Plus, just because there are muffin crumbs at the scene, that's a pretty big assumption to think that the crumbs belong to the same muffins stolen all the way over at Sweet Apple Acres.

So the detectives actually do the right thing after examining the scene and start to question witnesses until the Mayor comes again with news that the coroner has completed his autopsy.
At the autopsy (and why is the mayor still there?), it is revealed that the cause of death was blood loss due to a puncture wound, presumably from the spade. I have no problem with this except that it's a bit hard to believe that (spoilers) Apple Bloom could have taken a dull spade and used enough force to stab Carrot Top.

Two clues arise, muffin crumbs (which the detectives instantly assume to be the stolen muffins) and the red hair (which they immediately assume to be Big Mac's despite later finding out that the hair is mane hair and not body hair...)

They then interview , who reveals that Carrot Top was somehow competition for the apples (would a town house really have enough space to grow enough apples to be of any competition to the Apples?)

They now arrive at the conclusion that Big Mac did it, and finally start investigating Sweet Apple Acres after finding more crumbs. They trace the crumbs to Apple Bloom, who even after all this time still has the incriminating evidence on her. I actually never expected this...so thumbs up for surprising me, but thumbs down for not establishing a better motive

Lyra then suddenly has the authority to make arrests, and BonBon snaps a picture of the Apple Family in their darkest hour.

Also...they seemingly don't get paid!!!

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Review:
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Execution/ Presentation
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The story held a consistent 3rd Person Objective POV throughout the entire story. The author also really did a good job of describing the people and places so that we could picture the characters and environments on our own without frilly purple prose. The story also flowed like water, moving just at the right pace at the right places
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Mood
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The author promised and delivered comedy in this story. My only criticism is that some things are bit too good to be true/ unrealistic and yank me out of my comedic-induced meditation.
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Grammer
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overall, this story gets a A+ for grammar. I could hardly notice any mistakes.Good job!

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Tips
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Besides making things a bit more realistic at times, I really find no problems with this story
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Rating
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I rate this fic, according to the Commentator rating scale , on a level that I would recommend this story

This story was virtually flawless. It's really funny, has crazy shenanigans, and will definitely be a good vector for your time, even if you do not like mysteries.

Thank you for the good review, glad you enjoyed it.