Every so often, I shake off the ennui long enough to stand and challenge the mediocrity of the world.

I got bored of all my video games, so I guess now is that time.

Ha ha, life is anxiety and despair. Is humorous.

Have funny video.

Quick Review: A generally alright sadfic, but not particularly strong on the feels.

First things first. As always, when I review a story inspired by personal feelings or experiences, my criticism is directed towards the story as an entity in and of itself, and is not intended to mock or disparage those experiences that inspired it.

Alright. On to being the stupid jackass you all knew I could be.

That chapter title just brings the Folger’s jingle to mind. You know, “The best part of waking up~”

I tried to find the ear-wormiest version I could, because I love you all.

I’d do a parody of it, but “~The worst part of growing up~ / ~Is realizing the inevitability and finality of death~” doesn’t rhyme.

Anyway, as to the actual story, first thing I see is Apple Accent. Apple Accent everywhere. I've remarked many times before in reviews on the inherent problems with writing the applehorses this way. Primarily, it reads as an extremely thick accent, and the accent ain't what you want to be thick on apple ponies. In part because it's just hard to read, and in part because here's the ass joke I've been building towards.

And the thing with Apple Accent is, the more there is of it, the more grating it is. If the applehorse is a side character or part of a group, it's not good, but it can generally be ignored. If the applehorse is a major character, it can be painful to read. If the applehorse is not only the central character, but also providing full first-person narration in the accent, then the characters sound less “country” and more “crazy old mountain man”.

He WAS delicious.

And I couldn’t decide between the two.

It's especially bad in a serious or sad fic like this one, since, as you can see, the end result can wind up sounding pretty goofy. And remember: I’m from West Virginia, so I say this as someone who has this goddamn accent.

Now, as to the rest of the story beyond the unfortunate dialect choice, it… was alright. Despite specifically requesting a story on this subject, I don’t generally get hit by sad fics, and this one was no exception. However, even beyond my usual issues with the genre, the story felt detached from the events. Part of it was absolutely due to the overwrought accent, but also there’s too much detail, and not enough feeling.

I know this is AB recalling back to the event at a later date, but the focus is wrong. There’s very little about how she felt and reacted (beyond just telling us she’s sad or crying), and a lot of almost-clinical description of what happened to Winona and the extent of her injuries. It needs to be more about the immediate reactions and feelings, and less about how it all went down. Though, honestly, I’m not sure if you can capture those immediate feelings strongly enough in a memoir piece for them to have any impact.

All that being said, the story was generally free of technical errors, beyond those deliberately introduced in the name of The Accent, and the only thing making it hard to read is that aforementioned accent. Although, if “but she was bad hurt” was intentional, you are a bad person.

All in all, I’d call this:

Enjoyable.

…Yeah, I’m a fucking idiot.

6336469

I'm keeping those for myself.

Speaking as his wife, I'm honestly not sure if he's joking here or not.

6336469
You get a thumbs-up simply for the Babylon Five video.

6336469
Thanks for the feedback!