Goodness gracious, this group seems to be struggling to get anything done these days. I guess it’s about time I stepped in to save the day like usual!

I have a soft spot for a good changeling fic. I really do. Looking at the description here and knowing that the author just signed on as a reviewer for our group, I have high hopes for what this fic can achieve. The premise is that this drone is on a secret mission to assassinate Princess Celestia, but I have a sneaking suspicion that something along the way is going to send his mission somewhere a little less ruthless.

Maybe into a mare’s heart? That romance tag sure has me expecting that sort of plot, but it’s surely not a tell-all. Without further ado, let’s get down to the story itself!

So let’s look at exactly what happened here. If you’re a prospective reader looking to find a story to pick up, there is a spoiler warning from this point on.

So, To Serve The Hive is the story of a Changeling looking to carry out his final mission: To assassinate Celestia as revenge for the thwarted invasion of “A Canterlot Wedding”. In order to carry out his mission amidst the heightened security that the invasion brought about, he tricks a mare named Cherry Blossom, a gardener at the castle, into becoming his friend. Though he only planned on using her to get to his objective, things take a bit of a turn when he starts to genuinely care about Cherry, but he never loses sight of his target. It all culminates when he decides to make his move, using Cherry’s guise to get himself into the castle, but he is thwarted when Cherry learns of his plot and tries to stop him. The changeling (he does not have a name, but called himself Dawnbreaker as a disguise) is caught by the guards and beaten mercilessly until Celestia intervenes, ironically saving his life when he intended to end hers.

One of the most interesting aspects of this story is the astounding worldbuilding it does in regards to Changeling culture and the great care it takes with its characters, but I’ll talk more about those later. How does this plot stack up?
In short, it’s very interesting, but it is not the story’s strongest factor. I noted several times that there were minor points of confusion sprinkled throughout the story, and one in particular I wish to talk about is in the story’s climax, when Dawnbreaker is in the process of infiltrating the castle. Maybe I missed something, but it really confused me when Cherry suddenly showed up to thwart Dawn’s attempt. When she left the castle that night, I was pretty sure she still had no idea of Dawn’s true identity and intentions. He hadn’t made any real slips that I could see, but somehow Cherry seemed to figure out a lot of things really, really fast with little info. This was the worst of the slips that I noticed, and the last of them. There were at least two more of these inconsistencies I noticed but didn’t make note of that occurred prior to this one, and so I don’t think it was just my fault. It’s an easy fix though, just give some sort of explanation to fix that hole, and I think you’re golden.

Grammar/Formatting— As I would expect from someone who also reviews for this group, this story’s grammar is golden. No issues on that front.

I also want to note the formatting choice of prefacing every chapter with a flashback to Dawnbreaker’s training. It was an interesting way to showcase this, and I found it very enjoyable, among other things to note below.

Dialogue/Narration— I have no problems with either of these two aspects. The dialogue was natural and fit the characters nicely, and the narrative writing was good at painting the picture without using too many words. Well done!

Worldbuilding— If only all stories could have worldbuilding done as well as this one. I would be a happy man. To be more specific on this, the flashbacks at the start of every chapter give us a biting, vivid, horrifying beautiful look into Changeling society. We see the sheer brutality that is a part of their everyday lives, the comradery that changelings have for each other, and more generally, their culture. That’s all fine and dandy, but the thing that makes this even better is the way it is woven into Dawnbreaker’’s character. Every thought, every word, every movement he makes feels as though there’s something larger behind it. It is one of my favorite things about this story, hands down.

Pacing— Consistent and efficient, the pacing of this story works well to keep the tension there, letting it grow until the climax with a good sense of timing.

Writing Style— I noticed that a lot of the narrative writing is done quite objectively, and given the context of the story, this works remarkably well. Dawnbreaker is cold and calculating, and so he wouldn’t be one to flavor things with emotion too much.

This fic has two very strong suits, as mentioned before. The worldbuilding was spectacular, and equally as great is the characterization behind each and every character. Dawn and Cherry (heh, Don Cherry. Hockey humor.) are the prime examples, each having powerfully different roles that honestly form great chemistry when paired together.

I think the thing I liked the most about this story was the fact that it truly felt like every single character had a story of their own to tell. While we get much more of Dawn’s backstory than Cherry’s, I seriously feel like there’s a lot left unsaid about her, and that there could be some extra exploration of her character to be had.

Also great is the dynamic character shift that takes place, primarily in Dawn. Cherry doesn’t change all too much throughout the peace, but that’s good. She’s a mare who’s been hurt, and she needs more time to fully recover. But then we look at Dawn’s shift as he regains his humanity (equinity?), after a lifetime of total servitude and devotion to Chrysalis such that he lost basically all emotion, we get to see him discover what it’s like to not be a tool for someone else’s use. It’s quite inspiring to see just how much Cherry affects him, and it’s a satisfying payoff at the end when he begins his journey down a new path.

Even the minor characters are handled well, like Shining Armor or Celestia. I specifically liked when Shining and Dawn fight in the tower, and how so much aggression and rage on Shining’s part was let out in the savage beating they gave Dawn. Darker moments like that are the best way to see how brightly characters shine, and I think this story truly invested everything it had into making sure the characterization was done right.

This category was perhaps the weakest. This story’s core concept with Dawn’s transformation from a killing machine to a person is quite solid, but not exactly unheard of as far as I’m concerned. Combine that with the infiltration side of things, and I think we’re looking at a story with slightly above-average originality.

Achievement— Did this fic truly achieve what it set out to do? I feel like it might have neglected some aspects of itself, particularly the romance part. While I could get a sense of romance between Dawn and Cherry, I’m sort of on the fence about whether it would qualify for that romance tag or not. I mean, there’s a bit of that there at the end, but it honestly feels a lot more like more simple friendshipping than actual shipping.

Impression— And so, did I like this story? I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, but there were just a few little problems I had with it. Despite those, I hold this fic in good regard, and I will definitely remember it for a long time to come.

How does To Serve The Hive stack up? Let’s take a look at the scores.

Plot: Well-executed, but it did have a couple of holes in it. 20/25
Mechanics: Very well-crafted with exquisite worldbuilding. 19/20
Characterization: Beautifully made characters with endearing personality. 24/25
Originality: Not a rip-off, but it’s not exactly blazing new trail. 6/10
Impact: Does what it wanted to do mostly, and I would recommend. 15/20

I hope you find this review helpful, and I’ll see you all next time!

5491109
Thanks dude. It's a good review, and thanks for pointing out the problem with the infiltration bit. I had hoped to show Cherry's quick wit and intelligence surprising Dawn one more time, but moving too fast in scenes like those is a bit of a problem I have. Good to know where I have to improve.
EDIT: And Dawn made a mistake. He chastised himself for it the next chapter. So something else I might have been able to draw more attention to.

I hold this fic in good regard, and I will definitely remember it for a long time to come.

Also good to know that I did my job. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.