~~+~~

Well, I do have some things to say in regards to this story. When I first went into it, I was expecting a good dark story about Luna going evil and turning on her sister. I hit the first chapter, and read through the song. I thought it cute, and it touched me. Then I went into the next chapter and found a alternate, ponified rewrite of “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” to “Do You Want to Build a Snowmare.”

My brain froze…

And then is stayed frozen for about… five days. Pun intended.

Anyway, I went back to the cover page, and read the long description. Sure enough, and if it wasn’t bold enough in the actual tittle of the story, it was there in bold.

In case you couldn't tell, yes, this IS a Frozen parody. Please, do not judge me. Every chapter will be based off of a scene/song from the movie. Some chapters will contain parodized versions of some songs

So, I did end up having to take a few days to rearrange my expectations. After doing so, I was able to read through the rest of the story with no sweat at all. Other than a few cringing moments. Let’s just say… I’m now whistling frozen music. (Conceal, Don’t Feel)

Either way, it was an interesting read and in no way affected my own story of how Luna became Nightmare Moon… wait… did I just type that?

Cromegas_Flare flails his arms around

Just forget all that! It’s a secret project! This post here is all about Frozen in a Nightmare!

So after this point, the review will have heavy spoilers.

This story is reskin of scenes from Frozen. Despite that, the story did manage to bring out its own unique twists and takes. Especially the true fate of Luna. That in of itself… is chilling… and could be expounded on in any Nightmare Moon origin story, but for the sake of working, this ending gave me chills in a simple way. Great wording.

The flaw with the ending is that I felt it wasn’t really backed up on what we learned of Luna in the story, but rather what we already knew of her in the show. So the clarity of why we feel what we feel was slightly warped there.

Now, many people would be like, “But Cromegas, why would there need to be any depth about Luna in the story, if we already know a lot about her?”

That is a good question, and that is answered by one tag alone.

“Alternate Universe”

In an alternate universe, events happen differently, and most anything we know of MLP can go down the drain. The characters we come across is different, and most of all, the theory of magic changes as well.

I felt the Luna in this story was much different than the Luna we know and love in cannon, and same universe stories. So when Luna gets banished, I didn’t feel it was the same Luna, thus I didn’t know how to feel. I’ll touch on that in a bit.

Point of View
The point of view in this story is… third person… omniscient, fly on the wall. We go from character to character, most with little to do with the story, and we get story from them.

Now, there’s little show in the story, but nor is it only tell. Characters do stuff, and we are shown how others react. So it’s all simple, and in my opinion, written by someone who just enjoys to write. It’s constant, and I’m never really confused on who’s talking and who’s walking.

Flow
The story’s flow is quick and to the point. This is unfortunately, not a strong point. I felt there were points in the story were more happened, but we never heard about it, nor did we have any clue to it.

An example is this here.

She paged through, looking for something to catch her eye. Different regions appeared and disappeared before her eyes as she skimmed the paragraphs; Saddle Arabia, Fillydelphia, Manehattan, White Tail Woods, and so on. Then, she came across the Everfree Forest. She read about how the forest took care of itself; nopony changed the seasons, nopony cared for the wildlife, nopony controlled the weather, and, just till the edge of the forest,the Sun and Moon moved on their own. That's when she got her idea.

Now, keep in mind that this is an Alternate Universe. In this story, Canterlot was created before the sisters rule, and the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters was never their home.

So here, we come across the first clue of massive confusion for me. I’m given information in a manner that slaps me in the face as if I already should have known that Luna had been planning this for a while.

She paged through, looking for something to catch her eye. Different regions appeared and disappeared before her eyes as she skimmed the paragraphs; Saddle Arabia, Fillydelphia, Manehattan, White Tail Woods, and so on. Then, she came across the Everfree Forest. She read about how the forest took care of itself; nopony changed the seasons, nopony cared for the wildlife, nopony controlled the weather, and, just till the edge of the forest,the Sun and Moon moved on their own. That's when she got her idea.

Here it reads that she’s planning all this now.

She'd spent years perfecting the spell. A spell that would cause eternal Night. The Everfree operated differently, and Luna hoped that it would be able to survive under an everlasting Moon. She knew, deep down, that someday her secret would be found out, or that the horn cover just wouldn't cut it, and she would need a back-up plan. She told no one, and left one Night, placing the spell upon the forest. She'd planned to return to see how the forest was fairing, but she'd never gotten the chance. Now, all she could do was hope that the forest survived.

And here, it sounds like she’s been planning this trip for years. Now, after rereading this passage a few strenuous dozen times, that her decision to go to the Evergreen was sudden, but her practice with the spell, a spell influenced by her curse. (Mind you, I’m still confused on the full function of the spell, and I’m interested in stuff like that! Serioiusly, explain it to me like I’m Twilight Sparkle! I love this stuff!)

Slowly, a castle took form around her. It was made of the same stuff as bridge, complete with a chandelier made of polished and carved moonstone. She stayed standing on the star, which rose up to create the top floor.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t like this part. Not only is it still a retelling of the “Let it Go,” Song, but also… My precious Castle of the Pony Sisters! But, it is alternate Universe, so… I’ll give it a painful pass.

According to what I could gather, the mood was meant to feel as close to the Frozen movie as possible. Having those warm moments at the beginning, and then having everything turn dark. I even had the feeling that I should have cried at the end. But I didn’t, instead, I got the chills as the wave of dark tragedy engulfed this peculiar land of Equestria.

What more do I need to say other than getting through the story without stumbling on awkward sentences was easy, well done there.

On the down side though, I did get confused with what was going on from time to time. Except when it was following a scene from Frozen.

Tips!

I do have some tips, but I don’t think you need them because you may very well have been following them with your future works.

1. This story was a re skin of Frozen for the most part. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with that for the most part, but it is considered lazy.

Now, don’t give me that look, I did the same thing with some of my own stories. Like EyEs, which was a reskinned version of Tell Tale Heart. It’s great practice, just don’t get in the habit of doing only that.

2. I would bring out more action and interaction with your characters. There was a lot of potential of this story missing, and just by adding in some reason and heart would have brought it alive. The story was mostly shadowed and made by Frozen Songs, so adding more personal creativity would have balanced all that.

As I said, I’m sure you are already following these.

Now, I would also like to praise the fact you had successfully chilled me bones in here story! That ending scene! Man! I loved that. I really did.

Rating

I say this story was a good beginning story! I think it may have been better, but I won’t recommend rewriting it and working on it until its smooth with polish.

No, it’s good as is.

I enjoyed it!

Anyway, it’s good to be back guys. I have some ideas for ya, but that will come on a later day!

Cromegas is out!

The result is not as bad as I feared! Glad to hear you enjoyed it!

5350875
I learned quite a bit while being gone. One of which is not to be afraid to give higher scores, or rather, avoid searching for reasons to dock points, but find reasons to raise the score.

5350299

Reviewed by: Cromegas_Flare

OMG!!! Thank Celestia that was there. I'm blind in the left eye so I might not of seen who wrote it otherwise.

Also, I (half) see senpai has written yet another beauty to add to nature. ;~;

5350915
Never question a name pasted on a post. (What if I changed my name?)

5350918 We can look at the Group Founder to find out. Or just slid are eyes gently to the side.

But what do I know?

I'm Savoured Thoughts.