Description:

The description is pretty vague, the type that tries to be angsty and mysterious. The author would have been better off with a simple rundown of the setting.

Formatting:

The chapters are short and neatly arranged, with hardly any dialogue.

For this section, it feels like the author simply had an idea for a scene or few and didn’t bother with making an appealing presentation for it. It would be beneficial to remember that a story descriptions and cover art are what draws readers in, allowing the fic to fulfill its primary purpose - being read.

Style:

The story uses first person perspective to relay the thoughts and actions of our nameless protagonist. During the course of the fic, the author uses a healthy dose of descriptions that make full use of the attached Gore tag. While the imagery might be gruesome to some, it does reflect the grim atmosphere present in the Fallout universe

Flow:

Both chapters contain different stories written from the point of view of two unrelated ponies. The primary focus here seems to be to simply portray the before and after environment of a nuclear (or, in this fic, mega spell) detonation. There is little action to be had, but in general the reader will find himself comfortably perched on the protagonists’ withers, appreciating the view.

The story has an even tempo with no noticeable hills or valleys. That being said, it does feel somewhat like a prelude to something bigger, a broader story to be told.

Mood:

Given the universe this crossover is in, the mood is dark and depressing. The author does a good job of tugging at the reader’s heart strings by portraying the sense of loss and dread a survivor feels in a barren city, surrounded by death.

While the length of the fic doesn’t let us attach ourselves much to the speakers, we still feel sympathy for them as they carry their burden. The author makes full use of the Sad, Dark and Gore tags, so it is advised that readers of a more delicate nature pass on this fic.

As far as the Fallout universe goes, the author managed to capture a snapshot image of a city that was struck by a catastrophe, as well as portray the dismay of living in a warzone.

Unfortunately, the grammar is lacking in this story. There are numerous punctuation errors and a horrendous amount of commas, creating run-on sentences the likes I have never seen before. The biggest one I found had well over 100 words. The author should re-think the sentence structure and divide descriptions into their own sentences or even paragraphs.

There is also the issue of switching tenses between lines, a quick and easy fix being simply replacing the offending verbs to their proper form.

This story feels like a glimpse into the post-apocalyptic world of Equestria. We are treated to a nice walk amongst the shadows of a broken nation, left with an unclear feeling that the fiction was supposed to have more content than meets the eye.

It is one of those stories that could be counted as practice for the author’s presentation skills. There is hardly anything new or fresh about the fic, save for the atmosphere that you can comfortably bask yourself in while it lasts.

3575127

Well done. Don't be afraid to link your reviews in the skype group if you want some insight on how you did.

3577859
Oh, okay, thanks! I'll keep experimenting with the content of the reviews, since I'd like to somehow rate the story content itself without spoiling much