Item #: WCP-294

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: There are no standard special containment procedures on file for Item WCP-294. However, only personnel of security clearance level 2 or higher are allowed to interact with it (see document WCP-294a). WCP-294 is currently being stored in the 2nd floor personnel break room and is monitored by two guards of security clearance level 3 at all times.

Description: Item WCP-294 appears to be a standard coffee vending machine, the only noticeable difference being an entry touchpad with buttons corresponding to an Equestrian QWERTY keyboard. Upon depositing one bit into the coin slot, the user is prompted to enter the name of any liquid using the touchpad. Upon doing so, a standard 12-ounce paper drinking cup is placed and the liquid indicated is poured. Ninety-seven initial test runs were performed (including requests for water, coffee, beer, and soda, non-consumable liquids such as sulfuric acid, wiper fluid, and motor oil, as well as substances that do not usually exist in liquid state, such as nitrogen, iron and glass) and each one returned a success. Test runs with solid materials such as diamond have failed, however, as it appears that WCP-294 can only deliver substances that can exist in liquid state.

It is of note that after approximately fifty uses, the machine would not respond to further requests. After a period of approximately 90 minutes, the machine seemed to have restocked itself. It is also interesting to note that many caustic liquids that would have eaten through a normal paper cup seemed to have no effect on the cups dispensed by the machine.

Further testing is scheduled, especially for liquids of extreme temperatures such as molten metals and liquid nitrogen. As suggested, WCP-294 was moved to the 2nd floor personnel break room as a money-saving venture. Following incident 294-01, guards were stationed at the item and a security clearance became necessary to interact with it.

Document WCP-294a (regarding incident 294-01): On August 21, 2005, Agent Joseph ██████ attempted to use Item WCP-294 to obtain coffee during his allotted break time at 9:30 AM. At the request of Agent █████ █████████ "to see what it would do", ██████ requested "a cup of Joe" from the item. Moments after confirming the selection, Agent Joseph ██████ began to sweat profusely and complained of dizziness before collapsing. After moving the unconscious agent to the infirmary, the medical team recovered the contents of the cup dispensed by Item WCP-294: a combination of blood, tissue, and other bodily fluids. Testing revealed the DNA sequence of the biological material dispensed by WCP-294 matched that of Agent ██████.

Agent ██████ made a complete recovery after four weeks of rest and intravenous hydration. X-rays and CAT scans showed no further signs of injury, and ██████ was released. Both agents were reprimanded. Additional security measures for WCP-294 have been recommended.

Addendum [WCP-294f]: After reviewing documentation on WCP-294, ███████████ suggested testing WCP-294's ability to 'retrieve' specific liquids from a distance.

Addendum [WCP-294h]: With the overseeing of O5-[DATA EXPUNGED] "a cup of WCP-075's secretion" was used as input. The product was proven to be the requested liquid and the cup was able to successfully contain the material. However, the report for incident 075-07 was acknowledged 2 hours after the test(See Addendum [WCP-075m]). A containment procedure breach had occurred exactly the same time this test was taking place, waking WCP-075 to its active stage. It was able to secrete an amount of basic solution equal to the capacity of a coffee cup before emergency containment procedure was applied and it was rendered passive. The liquid was not found in the post-incident investigation.

Addendum [WCP-294i]: Researcher punched in request for "cup of gold". The machine dispensed a cup of molten gold. Researcher requested similar precious materials with the same result.

Addendum [WCP-294j]: Researcher punched in (from a safe range) request for "cup of anti-water". The machine hummed briefly, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on entry pad. It is theorized that WCP-294 has a limited range of collection, and cannot reach into alternate universes/dimensions.

Addendum [WCP-294k]: Researcher punched in request for "diamond". WCP-294 briefly hummed, then displayed "OUT OF RANGE" on entry pad. WCP-294 gives this result for all solid substances. As diamond is a solid crystalline form of carbon, it appears the machine will not dispense liquid carbon, as this does not result in a "diamond". When "cup of carbon" was subsequently punched in, the machine dispensed a cup of liquid carbon. WCP-294 was immune to the damaging effects of the dispensed liquid.

Addendum [WCP-294m]: Testing for range of WCP-294's capacity for retrieval has been initiated. A unique compound has been formulated, comprised of undisclosed ratios of ███████ brand bleach, █████ ██ ███ █ brand cola, MET-RX powder, and Garam masala. The fluid was created and placed in a sealed container 25 meters away from WCP 294. When requested, the fluid was dispensed. An equal amount of the mixture was no longer present in its original container.

Addendum [WCP-294o-01]: Researcher ███ ██████, under observation of Level 4 personnel, keyed in a request of "the best drink I've ever had". WCP-294 dispensed a fluid similar in appearance to cola. The researcher identified it as a mixed drink he recalls having at a bar during his bachelor party, and was convinced it was "the best drink". ██████ did not know what ingredients were in the drink besides rum and cola. Further tests are scheduled to ascertain how WCP-294 gathers information.

Addendum [WCP-294o-01a]: Under the same conditions, Agent ████████ "the best drink I've ever had". WCP-294 delivered a dark fluid topped with white foam which was later identified as lager. The cup was printed with a color picture of five (5) stallions and two (2) mares drinking beer on the beach; ████████ was one of them. In his briefing, Agent ████████ confirmed that his favorite drink ever was a lager he consumed at the beach with his friends. It has now been confirmed that WCP-294 has the ability to directly gather information from someone's mind in order to comply with the given conditions.

Addendum [WCP-294q-01]: Subject keyed "the perfect drink." The machine dispensed a cup containing an odorless lavender liquid. After drinking the liquid, subject appeared to go into shock. Subject later committed suicide, leaving a note which read "I'm sorry, but at this point everything's just one big letdown." Requesting such a drink again is highly discouraged. None of the components of the drink have yet been identified.

Addendum [WCP-294t-01]: Subject keyed in "something Cassy will like". The device was heard to hum for about three seconds, before dispensing an empty cup. Printed on the side of the cup was an image of a traditional soda fountain glass, filled with something brown, and topped with whipped cream. Upon introduction to WCP-085, it was identified by her as a chocolate banana milkshake and judged 'delicious'.

Addendum [WCP-294w]: Researcher keyed in request for "a cup of music". WCP-294 produced a clear, sparkling fluid that tasted vaguely alcoholic. Following ingestion, subject reported "feeling" and not hearing, a continuous rhythm, and demonstrated the ability to move and even dance with a certain fluidity that he had not previously shown. Testing on other abstract concepts is continuing.

Addendum [WCP-294ab]: During a mass security breach, Agent ██████ requested "a cup of pertinent medical knowledge" while taking shelter inside the second floor break room. Of the four agents in the room, Agent ██████ was the only one who was not injured. WCP-294 poured a cup of clear green liquid. Following the ingestion of this substance, Agent ██████ began mending the other agents' wounds in a manner consistent with Foundation medical training. Agent ██████ no longer has the medical training that the liquid provided and other attempts to recreate the effect have failed. The agent has speculated that this event was an emergency measure taken by the object to ensure self-preservation.

Addendum [WCP-294ac]: Dr.████████ requested "my life story" from WCP-294; WCP-294 made humming noises and shook violently for approximately 3 minutes before providing a highly viscous, opaque black liquid. Upon consumption, Dr.████████ reported that he remembered everything that had ever happened to him. Following this test, Dr.████████ entered his office and returned 48 hours later with a 538-page autobiography.

Addendum [WCP-294ad]: Researcher produced request consisting solely of the phrase "surprise me". Device produced an opaque cup containing normal water, later determined to have been heated to approximately 200 degrees Celsius. Upon receiving vibration from transport, the contents of the cup turned into steam, violently spraying boiling water in a 2-meter radius.

Addendum [WCP-294af]: Researcher produced request for "Blood of Dionysus". WCP-294 vibrated and produced the message "Hic est enim Calix Sánguinis mei", then produced a paper drinking cup containing approximately 0.12 liters of red grape wine.

Addendum [WCP-294ag]: A D-class personnel with IQ of 99 and low curiosity scores was given written instructions about what to request. The D-class personnel produced a request for 'blood of canis lupus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as wolf blood. The D-class personnel next produced a request for 'saliva of equus ferus caballus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as horse saliva. The D-class personnel next produced a request for "urine of phascolarctos cinereus' and received a cup of liquid subsequently identified as koala urine. The D-class personnel next produced a request for "cerebrospinal fluid of phoberomys pattersoni" and received a cup of liquid currently undergoing analysis. It is to be noted that Phoberomys pattersoni went extinct during the late Miocene epoch, approximately 8 million years ago.

Addendum [WCP-294ah]: Dr. King produced request for "a cup of room-temperature superconductor", and received a cup of apple juice with seeds floating in it.

[ Other WCP-294 experiments are currently awaiting approval. ]

3426542
It took a lot of thinking, but I think I finally know what to do.

*types, " a liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."*

Let's see what Douglas Adams was thinking.

3433502 *liquid is almost, but not quite like tea*

3433511
You ever read Hitchhikers? It's awesome, long story short in the second book they almost die because Arther Dent uses the computer to calculate the probability to make the infinite probability drive make tea because he was tired of the drink dispenser making, "a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."

Such an odd series.

3433603 I have Read every one of them

3433721
I have all six in the trilogy, as well as the spinoff Starship Titanic.

But that's off topic, time for my cup of magic!

Wonder what kind of damage I could cause.

*the destruction of the west wing later*

List of Things D-GM64 Isn't Allowed to Do

1.Request "Cup of Magic" from WCP-294

3434012

The first thing I'm not allowed to do!

Only 294 more (and some addendum's), and I'll be on par with Bright...

Maybe not the greatest thing to strive for, but eh, whatever works.

3434372 Well, I added Bright's list and the staff, so you can keep up

3434470
I was already reading it earlier, I'll work on it.

Let's just find some other way I can have a bit of fun.

I already have a few plans.

Don't worry, I'll try not to harm anyone but D-Class personnel.

3434481 *Looks at your official designation*

D-GM64

Well... alright.

3434497
Wait, then why was I given clearance for this?

This is in blatant deflation of the rules of this organization!

Or was I just acting as a lab monkey?

3434504 Bit of column A, bit of Column B, you manage to survive long enough you'll be promoted. I mean, 049 was a WCP, now he's head of the Medical Wing (try not to get sick)

3434512
Alright then, now to find something else to do that won't kill me.

3434522 Let's see... 811 likes company

3434548
Sure, call me when she's ready.

3434562 'kay. She's an old friend of mine. I knew her when she was 3. she looked like this

3434594
She looked like Pipsqueak?

Alright...

3434605 a girl pipsqueak, yes. Then she disappeared for a long time, then I was walking around the foundation to do research on Weeping Angel Abortions, when I found her!

Hugging her burned like hell.

3434627
Well I'm always there to help, so once she's ready (as in once there's an entry for her on this group), I'll do what I'm supposed to.

3434646 *dark blue earth pony stallion with a brown mane*: until then, 682's waiting. Use a rolled-up magazine and belly rubs

*gets out a spray bottle and spritzes Bright.* No. Bad Doctor Bright.

*the stallion flees.*

3434671
Why do I have the feeling we'll be good friends?

Honestly though, can you imagine what crazy things could happen if me and Bright were friends.

3434693 yes.

3434695
Does it fill you with fear? Or just make you burst out laughing?

3434729 both. I hope you don't do anything too stupid.

Hint

3435552
I have a feeling much of the dr. Bright list would've been more amusing if I obsessively read scp.

3463889 not really. Most of these aren't explained

3426542
3434729
May I have a cup of sanity?

Also, what wold happen if you gave Dr. Bright a 'cup of chasity'?

3465346 *one cup of a glowing blue liquid*

and no idea

3465958
I wonder what would happen if able drank this..../

3466102 depends on how insane you are

3466149
Perhaps. But since the WCP draws upon a radius, we would be feeding Able our definition of sanity. Possibly rendering him temporarily... sane, I suppose.

3466220 hmm...

3466227
It bears thinking about. After all, even an hour's time of a non equicidal able you could properly question would be nice....

Assuming Caldoric (my OC, not myself, though though they're technically the same?) learns of the WCP, and presumably this item, he may have experiments of his own...

Mostly potions from Harry Potter, like polyjuice, but also a few other things... Oh, and may I request cups of:

Awesomesauce,
Weaksauce,
Liquid science,
Liquid magic,
Liquid sanguimancy,
Liquid alchemy,
anything else pertaining to Minecraft magic mods,
More to come.

5108037 I do believe those are already banned as per "The things DR Bright is not allowed to do"