Can you all please read over this segment and let me know what you think.

Please note this is pre-editing. so grammar and spelling may be off, all I care about is what you think of the plot.

Shimmering Honor turned the corner and saw one Unicorn marine out in the open… firing his Mk5 rifles into a cloud of smoke, screams of dying Goblins coming from the other side.

“Flash Sentry. Get to cover!” Shouted Shimmering Honor. The Unicorn turned around. his golden brown coat covered in soot and blood.

“Yes Sergeant.” and he started to make his way towards a pile of boxes, but a fire had made the floors weaker. A creaking noise was heard and Flash Sentry stopped, look down at his hooves and then back up to Shimmering, a look of fear on his face. The floor then gave way and fell from under him. Flash Sentry disappeared and could be heard screaming as he fell to his death hitting the goblin ship below and bouncing off the railings and into a path of a Pegasus dogfighter, knocking him unconscious, they both feel to their doom. Shimmering Honor shot forward to dive after him, but Goblin arrows flew past his head and forced him back into cover.

Goblins charged out of the smoke wall, some unfortunate enough to fall into the hole that Flash had just fell through, more screams as helpless creatures fell to their doom.

“Open fire!” Shouted Shimmering and all the marines popped out of cover and a hail of bullets rained down on the advancing Goblins, Heavy Weight and his Gatling ripped through three Goblins and shot the head clean off another. Pinpoint expertly took out several Goblins and Gremlins with scary precision with her sniper rifle, Shimmering looked to his left and saw Midnight Storm, a look on her face he had never seen before… It wasn’t fear or shell shock… no it was something else… something that sent a chill down his spine. It was enjoyment.. no… excitement… no, he couldn’t place it. Just then a Goblin got a little bit to close, Midnights head shot up and looked at the Goblin climbing over her cover, her wing blades shot out and Midnight lunged forward… cutting the Goblin in half, her MK5’s shooting him at the same time. As she now stood out in the open, all hell going on around her, a smile appeared on her face, she reached around and pulled out several explosive charges from her pouches on the harness.

“STOP HER!” Heavy and Lighting shouted and Shimmering now realized what he had seen on her face… pure ecstasy. He lunged forward and tackled her back into cover and knocked the explosives out of the hull breach, just as they exploded.

“What where you thinking?” Shimmering shouted at midnight, shaking her, trying to get her to focus again. Her pupils were so small it was near impossible to see them and a big grin on her face made even the veteran Royal Guard scared. “Answer me marine!” He shouted again but she still stared at him.

A Goblin was creeping up on the two Pegasi, Shimmering not being able to see it as it was behind him and Midnight just stared up at her sergeant, As it got closer, it raised an axe above its head.

“Ahhhh…” the Goblin was about to bring the axe down on the unsuspecting marine when its head suddenly detached itself from its body and rolled along the floor, Shimmering turned around to see what had made the noise and saw Flank standing just to the left of the Goblin, his wing blades deployed, he looked over to the sergeant then ran into the smoke cloud, a silhouette of the stallion was visible as it tore through the Goblins, dismembering them one at a time with uncanny timing.

So a couple of questions.

Do you think I was too mercifully to Flash Sentry?

What would you add.

1935196
I would be careful with characters fully cutting enemies into pieces. As far as I can tell, wing blades are more of a finesse like weapon, not really meant to just lobe a head off or even cut someone in half. The force necessary to cut through bone is really large. To decapitate someone, not only do you need enough force, but you need to catch the blade between the vertebrae or else the blade may get stuck in the bone or snap.

1935196

I suppose it's too late to question the wisdom of using your OC as the main character.

1937117 yes....It is a prequel to the main story

1935196
Mostly lore issues, here.
1. What is a Mk. 5?
2. Goblins don't use arrows. They are the most technologically advanced race in trinity, and would be more like to use bolt-action or semi-automatic WW1-era rifles.
3. Wingblades could not chop through much more than a finger. They rely on the speed and agility of the pegasus. They usually kill by slitting open veins and arteries, not chopping off limbs.
4. This whole battle reads like something with WW2-era technology, which is rather incorrect.
5. The Remnant military is actually more melee and short-range focused; their standard issue gun has a 10-second wait between shots, the only automatic gun the have is rare and still has only about 30rpm, and the shotgun requires some skill to use.

Besides that, good. But this battle is styled inconsistently with Remnant tech. The ponies should be darting in and out of cover, using the EM-30 to suppress the goblins while advancing into melee range, and saving bullets for choice shots and to save them in case something goes wrong. A Remnant force should -definitely- lose any ranged engagement against goblins.

I've got a question.

Why is Flash Sentry bloodily killed? What purpose, narratively, does that serve for the story? If your response includes the phrase "I hate Flash Sentry" in any form, you're wasting a character pointlessly and should probably consider making up a name that nobody cares about. Especially since that paragraph just seems to be "Shimmering Honor loses a soldier."

Named show characters are a very limited resource. They shouldn't be wasted carelessly. They're useful, because they add to the atmosphere instantly by their presence. People know that character and you don't have to establish them. That's very valuable for a fanfic author.

1942682 Okay... I see what you mean... I will have to reread the lore then as I think I got a wee bit confused...

1943822 Well, I hate to upset you sir... But we where discussing this the other night between the authors and we all wanted him to be killed off somehow... So... it is a little bit of Irony and hate towards this character from the show...

1945720 total waste of resources. I've never seen EQG, but the pointless hate for that character inspires a knee jerk response in me. Can't stand the attitude.

1945756 wait till you see the film and you will see why so many cant stand this character

1945761 I don't care. He's still too valuable to squander. That is an entire character that you don't have to spend paragraphs describing and setting up. The only actual criticism anyone levies against him is that he's boring and presented as a love interest for Twi with minimal justification.

To this I say: Wah.

1945770 Well I apologies to you kind soul, but that section is staying the same as is... I feel it is too... ohh what is the word I am looking for... ironic for me to take out

1942682 also to answer your question Gold

The MK 5 repeater:
The standard rifle for the military, this weapon fires at a speed of 10 rounds a minute. and has a magazine size of 5 rounds. this is a accurate rifle and is popular with the lower ranks.

You also have to remember this is in a cargo hold of Nocturnal Thunder so it is very close quarters...

1935299>>1937117>>1945756>>1942682

Here is an Updated version... with weapons from the lore and some more technicalities worked out.

As the marines made their way down the stairs, the extent of damage became apparent, pieces of wood flooring had been torn apart. holes had appeared were there wasn’t one before and several ponies had been badly injured. Blood covered the decks, oozing into the seams and dripping down to lower decks. A few fires had started here and there, but had been put under control quickly.

When the Marines reached the main hull breach they saw several dead Goblins… these filthy creatures had managed to blast a hole into the bottom of the ship where the hull was weakest and where climbing up ladders from a ship below them, the engineering team had fought them off, along with a few marines. Shimmering Honor turned the corner and saw one Unicorn marine out in the open… firing his MK 10 rifles into a cloud of smoke, screams of dying Goblins coming from the other side.

“Flash Sentry. Get to cover!” Shouted Shimmering Honor. The Unicorn turned around. his golden brown coat covered in soot and blood.

“Yes Sergeant.” and he started to make his way towards a pile of boxes, but a fire had made the floors weaker. A creaking noise was heard and Flash Sentry stopped, look down at his hooves and then back up to Shimmering, a look of fear on his face. The floor then gave way and fell from under him. Flash Sentry disappeared and could be heard screaming as he fell to his death hitting the goblin ship below and bouncing off the railings and into a path of a Pegasus dogfighter, knocking him unconscious, they both feel to their doom. Shimmering Honor shot forward to dive after him, but rounds zipped past his head and forced him back into cover.

Goblins charged out of the smoke wall, some unfortunate enough to fall into the hole that Flash had just fell through, more screams as helpless creatures fell to their doom.

“Open fire!” Shouted Shimmering and all the marines popped out of cover and a hail of bullets rained down on the advancing Goblins, Heavy Weight and his Gatling ripped through three Goblins and shot the head clean off another as other marines charges the advancing Goblins and a large melee fit ensued. Pinpoint expertly took out several Goblins and Gremlins with scary precision with her sniper rifle, Shimmering looked to his left and saw Midnight Storm, a look on her face he had never seen before… It wasn’t fear or shell shock… no it was something else… something that sent a chill down his spine. It was enjoyment.. no… excitement… no, he couldn’t place it. Just then a Goblin got a little bit to close, Midnights head shot up and looked at the Goblin climbing over her cover, her wing blades shot out and Midnight lunged forward… cutting the Goblin in half as it managed to slip between vertebrae, her MK 10’s shooting him at the same time. As she now stood out in the open, all hell going on around her, a smile appeared on her face, she reached around and pulled out several explosive charges from her pouches on the harness.

“STOP HER!” Heavy and Lighting shouted and Shimmering now realized what he had seen on her face… pure ecstasy. He lunged forward and tackled her back into cover and knocked the explosives out of the hull breach, just as they exploded.

“What where you thinking?” Shimmering shouted at midnight, shaking her, trying to get her to focus again. Her pupils were so small it was near impossible to see them and a big grin on her face made even the veteran Royal Guard scared. “Answer me marine!” He shouted again but she still stared at him.

A Goblin was creeping up on the two Pegasi, Shimmering not being able to see it as it was behind him and Midnight just stared up at her sergeant, As it got closer, it raised an axe above its head.

“Ahhhh…” the Goblin was about to bring the axe down on the unsuspecting marine when its head suddenly detached itself from its body and rolled along the floor, Shimmering turned around to see what had made the noise and saw Flank standing just to the left of the Goblin, his sharpened wing blades deployed, he looked over to the sergeant then ran into the smoke cloud, a silhouette of the stallion was visible as it tore through the Goblins, cutting into the Goblins and shooting them with his E-47 and E-42.

Midnight still had that look on her face, Shimmering stared into her eyes, they were scarily beautiful… Oh really Shimmering, at a time like this you notice how beautiful you subordinate's eyes are. Shimmering shook his head and looked back at the marine in front of him.

“Midnight Storm… Please calm down.” He said in a calm voice, this had a surprising effect, Midnights pupils came back to normal and a blush appeared on her face.

“Sergeant… Why are you above me?” She asked innocently, this caused Shimmering to blush, he got off her and looked around. The battle seemed to have died down as bodies of Goblins and a few ponies scattered the floor, wounded screamed and reports of cannon fire filled the air.

1945777
If you insist on this Flash Sentry hate, (and you should know that a writer should never let his feelings of his characters influence what happens to them) then I have a better way of going about it.

Instead of killing him in the beginning shortly after he's introduced, and therefore has basically no weight with the readers nor the other characters, meaning that his death basically has no effect on anything. It is literally pointless, where a nameless scrub could do the same job to the same effect. It's a waste of potential drama.

Build him up. Build his character. Make us care about him. It's in your power as the writer to develop him better than he was in the movie. He could even become a fan favorite, and actually probably has more potential to do so than other characters. Once we care about him, and the other characters care about him... then kill him.

Then you have a weighty death. His death will at least have as much influence on the story as his life.

1946827 I have added a little bit more to the character... not much.. But I do take your advice for latter on when I may kill off either Lightning Arch or Heavy Weight

Anyway, the weapons have been changed as well to match the lore.

1946154
Again I must point out that a wingblade would not have the power necessary to cut an opponent in half due to its design. It would be a more saber like weapon with the potential to cut limbs but cutting through the torso of a creature completely would be nigh impossible to do with one cut. You have to deal with the resistance of the organ system that have varying degrees of muscle and flesh and also, if the cut to the body is too high or low, the possibility of cutting into the ribs or pelvis. This is not to mention to durability of whatever combat gear would be worn by an enemy could possibly deter the blade from a straight cut.

1947587 I do appreciate the input... But I am going to keep that part in, mainly as it is only a fic and is left open to the readers imagination... but again I do appreciate the input and I will take it on board for other combat situations...

1947587 Strictly speaking that depends on how fast they're going when they do it. A tornado can shove a pencil through a tree

1948115
Ok. I respect your decision.

1949804
I suppose it does, Mr Technical. *sticks out tongue

1950762
Thank you for understanding... If we kept it to realistic, in my opinion it would be a wee bit boring at times... people read stuff like this fore the gore... and a few decapitated and dismembered Goblins will help fill there needs
1949804
Thank you for the support.

1953033
Gore?

Just then a Goblin got a little bit to close, Midnights head shot up and looked at the Goblin climbing over her cover, her wing blades shot out and Midnight lunged forward pinning the goblin to the ground with one wing and cutting into his midsection with the other.
The blade made a tearing sound as it parted flesh and the goblin cried out in pain and shock. The cries only prompt Midnight to cut into her enemy again...
...and again...
again again again again again again again Clank.
The blade had made its final destination through the torso of her long dead enemy and reached the grated floor below. Chaos sounded around Midnight but for a tense moment she looked at the bloody smear on the ground before her and the vacant eyes of the soldier that got a little bit too close. She must not of liked the look the goblin directed at her as she whipped around her MK 10 and fired a round in its head, blowing bits of brain and skull on the floor.
Retrieving the blade from the corpse that held it down, Midnight straitened. As she now stood out in the open, all hell going on around her, a smile appeared on her face, she reached around and pulled out several explosive charges from her pouches on the harness.

Couldn't resist.

1953094 now that it bloody brilliant... very bloody.

Do you mind if I add that to the chapter my kind friend

1953100
Not at all.

1953102 why thank you, I do appreciate that