After finishing it and giving it some cleanup with a proofreader I recently submitted my story, Nightmare in Old Equestria, to Equestria Daily. It got rejected, and had some fair criticism, but they couldn't be specific.

The response I got:

I will say that it was the aesthetics of the story that I found most off-putting, which is a somewhat abstract thing. The perspective jumped around a lot, and the prose focused on what happens to the exclusion of how the characters feel about any of it. It ends up reading like a list of events rather than experiences that happen to the characters. It takes an emotional connection to get readers invested in the story.

The perspective jumping, if it refers to central chapters, was intentional. Not sure about the emotional content level. I thought I did okay there so I dunno if that's just a matter of opinion or something else entirely.

I'd also tried it at Twilight's Library and got it turned down for "clunky dialogue." There were other factors but they've since been corrected. The proofreader I worked w/ didn't have any issues w/ the dialogue himself, so I'm putting that one on low priority for the moment.

These things in mind, I was wondering if anyone here could take a look at the story in full and let me know if they agree with any of the above. I'm working on my other stuff but would like to hone this one to be better if it seems to need it.

Thanks in advance.