Here is my edit of the second and third chapters, but first things first Vikinga... That drawing of the of the schoolhouse is epic, I freaking love it. The entire image is captured so well... I really am astounded by some of the drawings you put out.

Now, onto the fic...

The porch had 4 doors, 2 of them were marked as bathrooms, and the other two appeared to be the classrooms.

Purely an issue with consistency, you have 4 and two at the start of the sentence, but then spell out two at the end. Simple issue with a simple fix.

and I even spotted what might have been a windows.

Should be singular, not plural.

probably from some sort of cathedral rather than a town hall.

I'm not sure, but something about this inference makes me want to tip my hat off to Scribble, as well as to you. The idea that the school was a meetinghouse sometime beforehand just makes sense to me, and I applaud you for pointing it out so well.

His cutie mark appeared to be a pony butt made or iron.

Lolwut

the birth of a honest to Fantasi mute hadn't happened in centuries before I cam along

*Came

But do ponies really have so much trouble accepting that there are those out there who are different.

I believe this should be in the form of a rhetorical question.

Every time I met somepony for the first time, they acted like I was lying about being mute.

I don't know what it is, but something about the tense of this sentence just irks me the wrong way. Can't honestly say there's anything wrong with it, but I'd consider revising it a little.

Maybe not every pony was all that bad.

Not really a big deal, but most people will contend that it be 'everypony' instead.

After laying out and laying on a siting quilt I opened my pack

For all i know I could be wrong about this, but shouldn't that be 'sitting'?

A evil grin spread across her face

*An

She asked if I would like to eat lunch again twomorrow

People who were late didn't have wide stupid smiles

*Ponies

It was the signal for 'let's go someplace i can write down a message>'<.

*I

I was lead to a obnoxiously tasty looking pastry shop.

*An

One of the foals were a Pegasus while the other was a unicorn

*was?

She asked using the tone of a mother addressing a unknown child.

*An

Sorry, about that Twilight, normally I would have thrown a party for your marefriend already

Doesn't need to be there

Sp that was the name of the pink demon that ambushed me.

I honestly have no idea what you meant to put there.

I wondered momentarily what Depry is doing.

*Derpy

Well one of my friends just happens to own Sweet Apple Acres.Have you heard of it?

Need a space between the period and 'Have'

2124654 ((you get a reward!)) I smile across the table at fade. It was time to activate my sexy plan.

"fade can I sit in your lap? These booths aren't the most comfortable. ((humanized version of m/m group rp.))

2125610
((Hey... I'm here now ))

"U-uhh... Sure" I say sheepishly.

2131521 I smile with empty innocence as I come around the table and into your lap ((human?))

2131616
((If you want it to be))

I put my arms to my side as I allow you to sit softly on my lap.

2131710 I fit snugly in your arms. "So Fade, what are you hungry for?"

2131762
I put one arm loosely around your waist. "How about something sweet?" I say teasingly.

2131905 "that can be arranged I answer with a soft smile." my hand slips under the table. "but let's order some real food first."

2131944
"Well, what would you like? I'm the one who's treating you, after all" I lay my hand gently on yours.

2131980 "mm.. how about some... Svedish Crepes with nutella?"

2131980 ((I hate breakfast pizza as a human))

2132071
"Alright, that works" I quickly call over a waitress and order for us.

2132106 "what are you getting?"

2132207
"Eh, I'm not really much of a breakfast person, to be honest" I admit plainly.

2132240 "faaddee! Order something, I won't have you leaving hungry!"

2132289
I sigh. "I'm guessing there's no point arguing this is there?" I give up and call the waiter back, ordering a breakfast muffin for myself.

2132306 "Good! Now, are you ready for your reward?"

2132350
"Reward?" I ask less than innocently.

2132358 My hidden hand flips a little switch and my lower body begins to vibrate softly in your lap. "Me of course!"

2132358 (( m/m I'm n a dress))

2132415
I hug you lightly as my lips brush lightly against your cheek. "That's a great reward..." I say as I breathe in your soft scent.

2132440 I slowly grind my lower body into you as it vibrates. The back of my skirt slowly raising up each stroke till my bare thighs and panties touch your pants.

It's not long before I'm biting my lower lip, restraining my own moans.

2132449
My grip tightens around you as I attempt to restrain myself. A moan slips through my lips and I immediately regret letting you know how much this was turning me on.

2132471 I turned my head back to you and opened my lips slightly in invitation. None of the people in the cafe had noticed us yet. I had planned the time and placement of the booth too well for that. The waitress wasn't coming back for some time either.

The silk of my panties rub gently against my small erection as the bulging hard on in your pants splits my cheeks.

2132480
"V-Viking..." was all I could say before bringing my lips onto yours, losing myself to the heat of the moment.

2132510 I surrender my lips to you while my hands pull down my panties and unzip your pants. Now all that seperate that erection and my vibrating hole was your briefs.

2132514
I can't believe I'm doing this... My hands follow yours down to my briefs and hastily pull them down, allowing my throbbing cock to press against your soft flesh. I moaned into your lips as the thought of having sex in a public place rushed into my thoughts. I hated to admit it, but doing this right now where anybody could see us at any moment just made it that much hotter. I pull away and look into your eyes, a strand of saliva still connecting our lips, a look of lustful want in mine. "Viking... Are you sure you want to do this?"

2132528 "it'll be fine as long as we don't move much. That's what the vibrator is for anyway." I whisper back encouragingly.

2133758 (Imma in da other thead... )

2133901 ((shuuuuuuutter! You're back! We should do the family thing when fade gets back.))

2133912 (why can't me and you do one)

2133932 ((I thought you didn't do NSFW anymore?))

2133946
(Well... I kinda still want to... )

2133989 f(( I'm about to go practice driving with my dad, then fill out college apps. Maybe tonight. Tell fade I said to love you roughly.))

2133989>>2134120
((*pokes both of you* ))

2137308
2133758<<

2137713
I let out a small moan in response as I pull you closer to me. "O-okay..."

2137788. I pass you the remote and give you a smile. "All yours"

2137839
I kiss your cheeks softly as I turn the dial on the remote up slightly.

((Where is the vibrator exactly?))

2137913 The vibrations in my boyhood intensify and I'm forced to bite back a soft moan.

My grinding intensifies as does the vibrations you feel.

2137913 I bite back another moan as the vibrations in my boyhood intensify. With almost feverish insistence I grind into your lap. Rubbing my skin on yours and sending vibrations through my flesh into yours. Under the tablecloth my erection pokes a small tent in my skirt.

2138048>>2137949
I bite your neck feverishly as the sensation from your grinding travels up and down my spine. "V-Viking..."

2138129 "Make me yours again. Please!" I beg softly. I wanted this. I needed this.

2138283
I hesitantly do as you ask, aiming my member at your entrance teasing it with the head of my cock. I bite my lip as I prepare to enter you for the second time today.

2138357 my skirt lays around your lap, concealing what was about to happen.

2138413
I slowly press into you, gritting my teeth as I enter your body. The vibrator continues sending shock waves of pleasure throughout my body.

2138562 I continue to grind against your clock as each pulsing inch pushes into my body. I give up biting my lip and let out a soft girly moan.

Desperately so grilled the table and held on as pleasure floods into my body.

2138633
I slide further in, letting your still firm insides do the work as I turned up the vibrator another notch. I slowly begin to pump in and out, being careful not to go too fast. "Ohh V-V-Viking..."

2138722 I cover my mouth with both hands as the vibrations and stroking of your cock intensify. I could feel myself getting closer and closer.

2138892
I turn the dial up one more notch in hopes it would be enough for me to climax. I felt myself one the edge as I continued to slowly thrust into you. "I... I'm close Viking..." I whisper under my breath.