Hi there. I've only just joined this group, and have a query about first-person stories. See, I was hoping to add a few such stories of my own creation, but in order to give an authentic impression of the way the main characters behave, I've deliberately written the narrative so that two of the characters are telling it in a "casual" manner, for lack of a better term. For instance, in the opening chapter of A Loco Motion Picture;

Still, between the Crusaders' mistakes and my constant lecturing, we just about managed to get the engine spruced up in time for her morning passenger turn. That done, we all got a good wash ourselves before heading over to the mess room for some well-earned breakfast. Uncle Steamer was there too, having just returned from an overnight turn on the Manehattan Limited. As soon as I'd sat myself down with a plate of fried eggs, hay bacon and hash browns, he comes over to my table and says, “Morning, Loco, how are you and your friends doing?”

Loco, in case you're wondering, is what my friends and family tend to call me for short.

“I'm okay, thanks, Uncle Steamer,” I says to him cheerfully. “Just finished getting the 'City of Las Pegasus' ready for service – well, me and the Crusaders, that is.”

“Did they manage okay?” he asked.

“Pretty much okay for beginners,” I replied. “Hardly what you'd call a professional job, but we got there in the end.”

...and in Chapter 4 of The Secret Diary of Vinyl Scratch;

But that's not all I've done to them. You know that record player of theirs? Well, it may have gotten stuck on full volume with a copy of MC Hoover in it. No idea how the hay that happened. Even better, they must have been like really ticked off with what I said, because it was only like two minutes before I heard that thing banging out this really awesome rap track, and just like that, all the windows in their house have shattered and all the neighbours are shouting at them. Yeah, take that, you stuffy mules! Karma strikes again – big-time!

Does that count as bad grammar if it's meant to be told in a casual manner?

7271037
The mistake isn't the grammar destination in this case but the friends we made along the way.

7271037
As long as the reader can follow along with the dialog, I don’t see a problem with it. I find Applejack to be a very casual pony. However, you should put your stories through a few grammar checkers to catch the most obvious ones. An editor or a proofreader will help out immensely as well. I would be careful as to how many times you use bold, strike throughs and italics in a conversation though.

Although I do see one issue in your example. Say vs. Says. You should look them up. This is just my two cents. I am by no means an authority on grammar.

7271719
Not sure I understand what that's supposed to mean, but okay.

7271929
Thanks for the advice. I tend to use the italic font for song lyrics, printed or written text (i.e. in books and letters, or on posters, nameplates and cards for example), emphasis on certain words or sentences in occasional conjunction with capital font and bold text, and inner dialogue within a character's mind; and so far, I've only used the strikethrough in "The Secret Diary of Vinyl Scratch" and "Wreck of the Bridleway Limited". Generally I'm pretty careful with how often I use those fonts, but a proofreader might be very helpful all the same.

With regards to the wording of Loco's response, again, that was an attempt to make the character sound more casual. That said, I greatly appreciate your input.

7272116
As a rule, anything outside of the character speaking usually requires proper grammar. Otherwise it breaks immersion.