Just as the title says. Anything would be helpful, so just tear into it. I'm working on my writing skills using this story as a test. So more or less it's going to be the only one I upload here, and my longest story considering the length of the chapters.

Why Me?

366854

I can see about doin' that for ya. I'll check it in a little while. It follows my rules right (if it is an HiE that is)?

366863 Hmm. It is a HIE. And as far as the rules. I broke a few of them to be blunt. Rule number 1: only because I didn't really know if Self-Inserts were bad. So excuse me if I did. But I didn't go off the wall either, at least I don't think. Since it was my first real writing project I'd figure I would use something I can relate too and modify it as I go.

The cell phone thing, I broke that rule. Unless you are talking about checking the signal or power? For him, it was checking the time. Unless that still falls within the cell phone rule?

Uhh, fanon for Lyra and Derpy. I did like the idea of Lyra wanting to knowing about bipedal creatures but she never knew what they were called. And I thought that maybe she should have a better reason for wanting to know about those creatures. So the only reason she did go into it was a joke from her friend when discussing about their futures. (Mainly to get back at her friend.)
For Derpy, I don't know what to really do with her. She has a little sister to take care of and she works to take care of them both. She's doing this until their parents come home from taking care of family business out of town. Unless that is fanon material?

I sorta kinda did the brony thing. A brony is someone who watches the show right? So I made it where he's a guy who watches the show but isn't too thrilled about being in Equestria. He does have a life there and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Well, I think I did fairly well with your others rules. Unless any rule broken means you won't check it at all? If that is the case, I didn't mean to waste your time.