Feeling somber. Talking out loud again. Reminiscing and cheering up.

With life currently running me around all busy-like, I’m just filling the little room afforded to me right now by airing out my thoughts in my blog. Not to say I’m being entirely unproductive. I did write a short story dedicated to all my writer and reader friends the other day. But that’s beside the point.

Today’s blog is... more serious so I can’t promise you’ll leave this one with a smile. My last blog was a meme dump of a lot of the pictures I had saved up because I had Pokemon in the brain. Well, with all roads leading to Pokemon, I came across some of the old Pokemon things I’d done and seen. Many memories of playing the games and watching content for it. I’ve had a lot heartfelt moments with the series.

Met a friend with the primitive early online communication of X and Y. My first real friend interested in all things Pokemon, and it made my youth playing the games that much more special from then on. It’s a bit of a cheesy story so I’ll spare you all of the details.

But then I dug further into the past. And I reached this video here:

It’s one of the earliest Nuzlocke comics/content available. After watching the original Nuzlocke, I went on to read a few more comics. This video for this particular comic was created 11 years ago. About the same time I joined this site! And well, it’s rather special. You can imagine that it hit me like a truck. Very formative for my youth. It was incredibly... human. And to this day I have never forgotten those emotions.

My writing tends to be a little emotionally charged from time to time. I blame that! Well, I blame a lot of things, not just that. But regardless, back to the happenings.

So it was that my mood quickly shifted. I think it was time for me to become more somber from what was like a good month or two of being jovial after returning to this site. With that new story and remembering some sad but beautiful things, I went to listen to more of my old songs. Like this one:

That’s a cover that I’ve since replaced with the original piano version I used to listen to, but it’s also a really old song I loved hearing whenever I was going through stressful times in my life. The English lyrics particularly hit hard, because they got me through something incredibly sad in my life. The kind of things that break strong people. And I was not a strong child. The loss of a loved one. A dear someone. A faded memory with a faint prickle of pain in my heart whenever I think of it after 14 years now.

But again, I won’t speak of it here. For time is short, and those are things of the past. And I... well I have a need to walk towards the future.

There’s a very likely chance you’ve heard this next one! It’s this one right here:

I hadn’t. Despite how wildly popular it was, I lived under a rock so it took me 7 years after it initially released for it to finally reach my ears. This is the instrumental cover but I’ve listened to all manner of covers and renditions of it hundreds of times.

And the song couldn’t have reached me at the most opportune time to hit me hardest. I heard it for the first time only a few months before my father passed away last year. Another loss. The lyrics, again, hit me very hard.

But this one I will speak about, as it’s still fresh in my mind and the reason why I wrote this blog.

I didn’t have a 100% relationship with my dad due to a number of unsavory issues, but it wasn’t all negative. I still saw him off in the end and wept what I could. It put a pause on my normal life for a good year. My job, my professional writing, even just playing games or enjoying things. He wasn’t a perfect man, but he taught me all the ins and outs of what a good father is. Either by embodying those qualities himself or being the exact opposite of that as a hard lesson I ended up learning I should never repeat.

My mind speaks in philosophical poetry 80% of the time. A lot of the time, I think about him and how he lived his life. I think about the meaning of life and how we’re all on this blue planet just desperately trying to live our lives. Finding happiness, or maybe just trying to leave a little of ourselves behind.

And I remember all the stories I’ve ever read. All the stories I’ve ever written. And it puts things into perspective.

If you’re sad for me, I would say don’t be! If you were around to listen to me perk back up after that little rollercoaster ride boisterously singing at the top of my lungs True Survivor by Hasselhoff, then you’d know I’m doing okay.

But maybe I made you sad by making you remember sad somethings... in that case, listen to this song:

It’s the song that helped me get up and keep moving.

Eternally in pursuit of the goodness in the heart.