Saints Row reboot and how to fix it

I may not talk about, nor do I seem to like it, but I'm a huge fan of the Saints Row games. I've played all the games, from the original Xbox 360 exclusive, to Gat Outta Hell, and I can say that each installment has gone much wackier, for better and for worse. But when the news of a reboot was first announced, I, and many others, were fairly excited. The games had gone ludicrous, so going back to their roots as a boots on the ground, gang centered game sounded like a great idea! But, alas, the first trailer came out, and that was one of the first omens of where this reboot was going, and how the reboot was probably going to be the reason Saints Row will be a forgotten game franchise, with volition going out of business.

But before we get into how we can make the reboot better, not just gameplay, but story wise, let me give you my personal account with each game. Don't worry, I'm not gonna go in crazy detail with each.

-Saints Row: The introduction to this world. If you play it now, you'll be surprised that in the customization, you can only play as a man, and how your character is mute (except for the finales of each gang and the game itself). And since this was the first, all the gangs are pretty much the same looking, just a few color changes and the dominant races in them.

-Saints Row 2: The fan favorite for a reason. This is where all of the customization comes in, not only with your character, their voice, and their taunts/compliments, but in the clothing; you can REALLY customize clothes to your heart's content, with not just the colors, but their patterns, logos, and how you can wear them. Of course, the story is a follow up from the last game, with the new batch of gangs having their own unique identity, with the game having a bit more lighter tone, but still grounded enough for the serious moments to kick in.

-Saints Row 3: Pretty much where the games started to go into the wild side. The story is pretty much all over the place, while also being shorter, and you're given some more wild weapons. And while the 3 gangs really do feel different, they're all working together, and one gang in particular has the most control over the other two. Most common thing here being sex jokes.

-Saints Row 4: The game that is just nonstop wackiness. Pretty much everything is a reference to something, and with super powers now being part of the gameplay, some things are just useless now. And no more gangs, just one faction being aliens.

-Gat outta Hell: It really is just a glorified DLC that can be completed in about 3 hours. Playing as Johnny Gat is neat, but it's literally "Cause mayhem in Hell to progress the story".

Now I haven't played Agents of Mayhem, and I don't think anyone else has either, since it flopped. But with how wild 3 and the rest went, having a reboot sounded like a neat idea; A way to get back to its roots as a gang centered game. But now, the reboot is now a laughing stock, and not in a good way. The new cast look like Hipsters you'd see at Starbucks, and the fact that they're committing crimes to make rent & pay student loans doesn't read "Gangster". And the marketing around this has just been "Create your own boss", which is one of the most redundant ad campaigns next to Arkham Knight's "Become the Batman". Plus, while I don't have a Twitter account, Volition's response to the criticism, both for its trailer and launch, has just screamed self entitlement.

Now how does the reboot play? I actually haven't played it myself. "But you can't judge a game unless you played it", I hear some of you typing. And that's true to an extent. From what I've seen, the game is a buggy mess through & through, and even if they were to release patches that'd fix it, you're stuck with a game that isn't fun with a story that feels like it's written by Twitter and suffers from a major case Ludonarrative Dissonance; the game is telling you that these are close friends who only rob from assholes, but you can run over everyone like it's nothing and kill police officers.

So, without further Ado, here's my small top 5 actions that would (hopefully) make a better Saints Row reboot.

5: Aim at your core audience. Really, the problem began when Volition tried to target a different demographic; instead of people that want to play a game that's centered around gangs. They tried to do a "How do you do, fellow kids?". Read the interviews, and they said they wanted to make this a "Millennial Power Fantasy" and "The old games came from a different time". Instead of worrying if your game is offensive or not, I'd go with it; let everyone say a slur here and there, make fun of Veganism and Feminism, actually be a gang banger that's doing the side activities for cash and rewards.

4. Bring back the indoor areas. Every store in the reboot is a stand, and while that's fine for a few, I think we all would like to enter a store to buy things. And this isn't just for stores either, you can't enter any of the casinos, or any building where you enter in the main story freely. There's a sense of immersion lost if you can't enter buildings, and since the setting is a desert, wouldn't you want to enter a building to escape the heat? Hell, Saints Row 2 has an indoor mall with it's own stores, including "Let's Pretend" and "Leather & Lace", which would become staple stores in future games.

3. Side activities that grant perks and rewards. The thing I hated a lot with the side activities in SR3 and beyond is that, besides getting extra cash, the only real reason you play them is to control a territory and get in-game hourly payments. Meanwhile, I'd go back to Saints Row 1 and 2, where playing an activity is not only fun, but completing their levels gives you a reward, which is almost like leveling up. It could be as simple as getting new weapons to perks (like taking less damage), all the way to new homies and unlimited ammo. Admittedly, some of these things sound game breaking and will make the adventure a walk in the park, but considering how Saints Row 4 and Gat Outta Hell gave you super powers, I don't think this is as wild as those.

2. Have the city feel alive. The reboot has been criticized for feeling empty and lifeless, and that could be because of the weird lack of people and vehicles around. Not saying to throw more cars and people into this world, but to give them personality. Like having someone walking around while drinking a bottle of water, someone jogging, people sitting on benches, homeless people in the alleyways. Small things like that which make a city feel alive, but making sure they spawn in appropriate districts. Again, pointing between Saints Row 2 and 3, the districts feel distinct in 2, while in 3, there's a lot of people walking around, but it's a huge mess of people walking around. And depending on the mission, where it affects the city, (Similar to 2) have the appropriate people react, like after blowing up a building, have firefighters come to put out said fires.

GET RID OF ALL THE OVER THE TOP GUNS AND VEHICLES. The reboot has been trying to keep all the stuff that made Saints Row 3 and 4 popular; we just want a traditional gangster game. And I'm not saying we shouldn't have fun, but the more wacky guns should still be grounded in a way. The point is, I don't think it's very "Gangster" to drive around in a futuristic Jet that shoots lasers while using a black hole gun.

Now, with that out of the way, let's get into the real meat of this blog: The story itself. As some of you may have caught on, I'm actually pretty open for a more desert city. A bit because of Breaking Bad, and my own personal bias, living in Arizona for most of my life. But I say this because, though I don't talk about my family heritage, on my mother's side, she's from Mexico, and though I don't speak Spanish, a more Mexican Saints Row reboot sounds like a nice start. Not saying "THEY MUST ALL BE MEXICANS!!!", because, even from the first game, the Saints are a multiracial gang. But for now, let's just imagine a game where it is all ready to go, it has all the gameplay stuff and isn't afraid to be "Anti-Woke". How would its story go?

Obviously, it'd begin with the character customization. We'll drop the wild skin colors for now, since we want to get back to its more grounded roots. But your character wakes up in their apartment (a bit messy, but still livable) and realizes they're late for their job, quickly rushing and putting on their work uniform for Freckle Bitches. Your character isn't a badass, not at all. In fact, you drive in a pretty run down truck, and you're not driving wildly, but going the speed limit. Even if you try to crash into another car, your character corrects themselves, saying things like "No, I just got this car!" And "The insurance policy won't cover that.". I hate to admit it, but this is inspired from the 50's sitcom opening mission from Saints Row 4, but this will be the only tedious mission, since it's used to tell how you go from a pussy to a gang banger.

While driving, you get a call from your ingame brother, who recently just formed a makeshift self defense program called "The Saints", which is basically a makeshift gang of sorts, with only a few members. He asks if you want to join, to help keep the community safe, and you kindly decline, being late for work. He understands, and lets you go, but says if anything happens, be sure to call him and head to the church where the Saints have set up shop.

You enter your job, as a cashier for Freckle Bitches, and get yelled for being late by your manager. But without having to hear a lecture, the camera pans to the news, giving the player the rundown of what's happening: 3 gangs have the city of Santo Ileso under their different powers, with various gang wars happening, civilians caught in the crossfire, and the police unable to keep the peace in these times. They are the following: El Toros, The Reapers, and The Bandits. For an idea of how they are, each is a bit more of a replacement to the gangs from the actual reboot.

-El Toros is more of a replacement name for Los Panteros. Mostly due to the fact that, in game, they are very physically huge and imposing, more of a bull than a panther. And yes, they'll still have their love of huge trucks and low riders, but they'll function as protection racketeers, going to all the stores in their turfs and demanding protection money, or else risk losing some goods to getting wounded. But of course, their head boss, who we'll name Kane for now, is obviously the biggest and buffest, running underground fight clubs, with his subordinate, Abel, who's anything but buff, but is the person who helps give orders and is in charge of money.

-The Reapers are a replacement to The Idols. Forget the whole Watchdogs looks, here, The Reapers will have a skeleton look to them, more specifically, a dia de los muertos look to them all. And unlike the Idles, instead of some arbitrary post-capitalism belief, The Reapers are basically like Octane from Apex Legends; a collection of adrenaline junkies who do this for fun, and pedal drugs across the city. And in this case, their made up drug can come from a cactus that's concentrated and created in various labs, from outside of the city walls, to the inside of abandoned buildings, but it all lies in the basement of a College. Here, the head person behind this cactus drug (which we'll call Goliath for now) is Saul, a respected college professor, supposedly, but the face of the Reapers (who the player thinks is the leader first) is a college student/outdoor biker by the name of David. 

-Last, but not least, are the Bandits, being the replacement for the Martials. Obviously, the Martials aren't a gang at all, they're a privately funded military-police force. Second, they have crazy sci-fi tech… they could've easily taken over the city from the other 2 gangs. Here, the Bandits are much smarter than the other 2 gangs, running the various casinos in their areas, but also running the city's black market. And unlike the other 2 gangs, with an obvious leader and general, here, this is a family thing. The head leader is, to put it lightly, a middle aged man by the name of Noah, with two kids under his name; a son named Adam, and a daughter named Eve. Adam is very headstrong, willing to take action, not thinking through. Eve is patient, planning on what they should do and be prepared for what may happen. The two bicker and argue a lot, and Noah shuts both kids up, usually by some physical act on them.

So, back to the story at hand. Your character is just doing their day shift, when low and behold, some members of El Toros, barging in and acting like they own the place. One may intimidate some customers and take their food, eating in front of their faces, and another wields a baseball bat, ready to rumble. But the head one demands to know where your boss is. Your character stammers, answering truthfully that they left just an hour ago. Head Toro then demands all the money from the register. You try to delay, saying that your boss may return, and they should wait for a bit. He pulls out a gun and demands the money right now. Your character swears heavily as everything becomes quiet, only the faint sound of your heartbeat is heard… and then… something inside of you snaps. In a flash, you take the gun out of his hand and fire at him, killing him instantly. Everyone is quiet, with a few shrieks and gasps, including one from yourself. The other Toros yell to get you, and the game actually begins.

You start behind the counter, and using the gun, you defend yourself against the Toros, screaming and yelling "Fuck! Fuck me! Oh shit!" As you're killing gang members. You run and quickly get into your car, calling your brother while driving frantically, escaping from the scene of the crime. He asks what's wrong and you tell him what just happened and have no idea what to do. Though he's very surprised, he tells you to head to the church where the other Saints are at, but there's gunfire heard on his line, and you fear that your brother is in danger.

You head to the church, and find that it's under attack, but not by El Toros, but the bandits. You see Adam has lead the attack here, yelling something along the lines of "Fuck this church and everyone in it! I'm gonna turn this piece of shit into a parking lot!" Before driving off, leaving you and the Saints to fend off against The Bandits. After you fend off the Bandits, that's when you're introduced to one of the main characters for the Saints, and one of the generals, Levi.

Yes, I will admit, I'm gonna use the characters from the actual reboot and change them up to be more "Gangster appropriate". For Levi, we're gonna ditch his whole Steve Urkle look, and instead, have him wear an actual suit, something that at least reads class. Does this sound like Pierce's look from Saints Row 3? Yes, but Levi is definitely going to be the brains, coming up with the plans that will take out the rival gangs, and he doesn't look like a total dork while doing so. Plus, Pierce has been treated as a bit of a joke, even with his debut in Saints Row 2, and while I do enjoy some of the jokes on him, a man with brains deserves some respect. As for Neenah and Kevin? We'll get to them in a bit.

After helping Levi, you're told by him that before you had arrived, there was a 3 way gun fight earlier with the Saints, the Bandits, and the Reapers. In the chaos, he believed that he saw your brother being taken away by the Reapers, and he believes he knows where they took him; a local mechanic store called "Neenah Mechanic?". You enter this mechanic shop, filled with Reapers, only to find out that your brother isn't there, but Levi mistook your brother for Neenah. The Reapers had taken Neenah away, forcing her to repair some of their bikes, until you arrived and saved her. She had joined the Saints because El Toros have been treating her business like hell, and if the saints can get rid of them, then she can save her business and not work at Rim Jobs. Unlike her reboot self, she's physically dirtier.

At the church, all Saints are gathered together, unsure what to do. But with your performance, and how you're related to the founder, they elect you to be their leader. You aren't sure how to feel about it, but with nowhere else to go, you reluctantly become the new leader of the Saints, and get to work. Neenah declares that she knows more about El Toros, and will easily give you the scoop about them, and what you can do to eliminate them. Levi claims to know business, and The Bandits are heavy into business as well, so it'll only make sense if he took them on. Now that leaves only The Reapers, and that's when Kevin enters.

Unlike the Reboot Kevin, this Kevin is actually going undercover with the Reapers, going shirtless for a reason now instead of just all the time. Also, leaving out his love for cooking, and instead, has a dog with him. Said dog is a pitbull, but it doesn't have cropped ears, and is named Lucifer, as a joke that he is a fierce breed that mauls people, but is also a lovable dog that just loves pets.

With your whole crew assembled, that's when you can topple any of the gangs in any order you like, with the side activities being a mix of "Hey, you need more money and help make the Saints known". I haven't thought of all the missions really, but here's a rough example of what you can expect to do to screw over the rival gangs, and one or two huge missions.

-El Toros: Add explosions into their vehicles & enter their races, making to them explode at a certain point; go and destroy some stores so they can't collect protection money; start roughing some store owners to start bracketeering them and take out any Toros that try to take you out. Biggest mission is when you act as Abel's personal driver, and then take him to Neenah's mechanic store, where you start interrogating him for information. Finale is a head to head deathmatch against Kane in his own underground fighting ring, where you win by using a knife & shanking him in the eye, then across his neck with.

-The Reapers: Mixture of destroying the labs, and getting ingredients to create your own Goliath, as Kevin becomes best bros with David. One mission is when some Reapers get a jump on you and make you inhale Goliath, and you have a trippy sequence, with Lucifer talking as if he were Shawn Connery. Another is where Kevin is caught being a faker, and David tries to shoot him, but Lucifer takes the bullet, and is assumed dead, making Kevin furious, and you both chase David down. Finally, the final mission against Saul, which is almost like storming a fortress, but you find and beat Saul while under the influence of Goliath.

-The Bandits: Robbing their stores & casinos, and exposing all their secrets to the world, with evidence that they bribe the police & get the people on the Saints' side. This is where we learn that Levi invested into the Saints only because he owes a huge debt to the Bandits, namely Noah, and this is the biggest gamble ever. One mission is where Adam tries to finish the job he started, but is killed by you & Levi. Another is you storm their head casino, and have to fight off Eve & her men. Finally, it's an old western duel between you and Noah, right after he kidnapped Levi and gave him a huge cut across his face.

After all the gangs are defeated, you've pretty much done what your brother set off to do, but more. Santo Ileso belongs to the Saints now, but you only began this as a means to search for your brother. But you get a call by an anonymous number to head to the edge of the city if you want your brother to be free. You agree, and with your crew, you head to the edge of the city. Upon arriving, you meet the Mayor of the city, Mayor Jezebel, in her personal helicopter. She sarcastically congratulates you for doing a job well done, having taken care of the job that she was just going to do, but has a new problem; Santo Ileso's gang problem wasn't the issue, but it's history and how old everything was. She doesn't want to preserve the city, but change it, and the value property being so low it was possible. But the Saints have everything under control, and now, It's best to stop the Saints now. And coming out of the helicopter, standing by her side, is your brother, dressed like an officer. As it turns out, he started the Saints as a way to kill off some of the lowlife and dangerous criminals that weren't part of the other gangs, topping the Bandits, and he was going to take you away, but some Reapers did kidnap him as Levi stated. He escaped, but as soon as you were made a leader, plans had changed. Now it's as simple as this: Join him and drop your way of life, or continue this life and die.

-If you join him, the mission is much heavier as your generals head back to the church, and the city is in a war between the Saints and police. You and your brother fight through the city and into the church, taking out your generals individually, including a fully recovered Lucifer. When it's over, your brother thanks you for doing the right thing at the end, but you stand there, looking at what you've done, and don't know what to do next. But you simply raise a gun to your head and pull the trigger.

-If you stay with the Saints, there's still a war in the city, but now you make your way into the city hall, where the SWAT has the place in lockdown. You go in pursuit of Mayor Jezebel, taking out police officers, but have to fight your brother before reaching her office. There's a brutal first fight between you two, as he's crying, saying he doesn't want to do this, but your character declares that this is his city now, not anyone else's. You deliver a hard punch, knocking your brother out, before you take out Mayor Jezebel, shooting her multiple times out of her office window, and into the spiked gates below. You leave, supposedly victorious, but your brother is up, now hellbent on stopping you. But you don't react, not even stopping yourself, as you shoot your brother, killing him. You exit to the helipad, and with your lieutenants, fly away in Jezebel's helicopter, the city truly now belonging to the Saints.

But there's a third secret ending. Completing 100% of the game, including going through both endings, will trigger a new one. It's the choice, but you don't choose, as your brother shoots Mayor Jezebel in the back, surprised at what he did himself, but glad about it. He proclaims how the Saints are the greater evil for this city, and how he's glad to be your brother, for being a badass and bringing some peace to the land. Though he jokingly claims that you shouldn't bring this up for Thanksgiving, but says if you're ever arrested, he'll at least put you in the best cell, as a family treatment, before leaving in the helicopter. You turn back to your Saints and head back to Santo Ileso, strutting off, as the city is at peace under the Saints… for now.

So… with all of that completed… What did you guys think? And besides the reboot names, yes, everyone else is named after someone from the Bible. Call it poetic and on the nose, but I hope you like what I've thought of. Took me a few days to thought this.

Comments

[RetroGrade]

for one thing the over the top guns are great sr3 4 and gat outta hell 10/10 the over the top fun stuff is what made the sr games different i am mad at the developers for not putting best bruh johnny gat in the comedy aint even as funny as it is in sr3 4

[RetroGrade]

tbh i just want the dubstep gun and professor genki to come back