When you Change... · 10:07pm Nov 10th, 2021
What happens when you aren't the person you use to be? What happens when you think you are one thing, but you turn out to be something else entirely? What happens when you become someone that your past self from just a couple years ago wouldn't even recognize?
That is what I'm wondering. How did I become such a different person from who I once had been? When I first came here, I was someone who embraced friendship at every turn. Believing that everyone could be a new friend. Now? I still hope for friendship, but after falling out with a couple online friends, or irl friends moving away or distancing themselves. I... am different. I have come to a point in my life where I depend on just myself for survival.
The only person you can trust is yourself. Other people come and go. They can be in your life for a few years, but something always happens. I've learned to be grateful for what you can get out of those good people that come in your life, but be prepared for them to be gone any day you wake up. I've learned that there is only 4 levels of stability.
1. Your environment is stable, but you aren't.
We usually all have this one time in our lives, usually when we are first growing up. The world is your oyster and you can grow and find your identity in a safe environment.
2. Your environment isn't stable, and neither are you.
If you are here... yikes. Unfortunately all of us have this in our lives as well. And it can take up a good portion of our lives. This is where you are trying to find yourself and you are basically in a hurricane of outside factors that are completely unpredictable, chaotic, or anything but safe. This is where you can suffer a lot because you have no anchor what so ever.
3. Your environment is still unstable, but you have figured things out.
This is usually where we get to be and we call it good. The world is always changing, but you can know who you are, and be confident in yourself and your capabilities. This is where those who are considered successes or have found inner peace usually are. It can be a challenge to achieve. Some people it can take years, while others never reach this part of their life. The earlier you can find this part of yourself, the better chance you have of not just surviving, but also thriving, in your life.
4. You have achieved stability in all aspects in your life.
Wow. Just wow. If you are somehow able to manage this... I commend you. This is the kind of life everyone strives for, but very, very few are ever able to obtain, even just for a time. And if you have this for years, you don't know just how lucky you are. Basically if you are here, your life is stable, and you know who you are as a person. Usually these people are happiest.
So, which one are you? Personally, I am a 3. Things around me, including people are constantly shifting. But I know who I am, or at least, I am getting better at knowing myself, how I will react in certain situations, and my overall moral code. Once I am completely stable in me, I can start to reach out again to others like I once did. Back when I first joined FIM I was a 2, and just an overall people pleaser. Now I know how to put myself first, and still have time leftover to care about others. I kind of miss the ignorance I use to have, but I know in the long run it's better I broke through the barrier.
Now I am on my journey, and I hope to care about others like I use to while still being able to maintain my peace of mind. I'm still getting to that point, as I have developed some paranoia in recent months about the stability of my friends and just people in general. But I vow to try and return to that stability one day, and I am just trying to stabilize myself until then.
Hope all is well, IN-S
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It's... very relatable, you know? It is...
I faced a similar metamorphosis myself, a while ago... it took some time to recover. And I know that you'll achieve stability as well... in time. And we'll all be here for you then.
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Thanks again. I hope to come out of this stronger than I came in.