Just airing my thoughts on this blog.

I've come to realize two things: One is that life in and of itself is not as great as those wearing rose-tinted glasses would like you to believe it to be. The other is that human beings, at the end of the day, honestly kind of suck. I know that's not what everyone wants to listen to, but it's sadly true. Humankind has been known for being the most destructive and deplorable of any other kind of species ever to have existed.

So, according to people who're more spiritually inclined than I am, supposedly, we made a deal to be here. We agreed to be born in this godforsaken Hell. Why in Satan's unholy ballsack would I have decided to do anything like this is beyond me; I have made no such negotiation with any higher-order or magnanimous deity. They say you must be grateful for living. But why would I be thankful for something that never did anything for me to benefit me?

Why would I want to be thankful for the very creatures that caused me all of my misfortune and aggravation? What about this could be so wonderful that I should be grateful for it? I should be happy that everything I've enjoyed has been stolen away, the little things that have brought me the most happiness.

I should be pleased that I do not have an equal opportunity like most other weller-folk do to enjoy life to its fullest truly. I should be happy that I'll live the rest of my life without the one thing I'll value most; Family. Are you seeing what's wrong here, or is it just me?

So I'm supposed to be happy about all of this. Well, fuck you! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you, every day of every week for fifty-two weeks. Fuck you, six ways from Sunday! Yeah! That's how I feel. As far as I can tell, I never asked for this- to be born in this rotten world. I never wanted to be alive. And before you're quick to call me crazy, try to look at things from my perspective first. My mother is the only thing I have left, and she's not much longer for this world.

So to say I'm happy to be alive would be horribly inaccurate and just downright ridiculous. No, I do not fear death; I humbly welcome it as my freedom from human oppression. At least when I'm gone, the pain is finally over, and I can rest peacefully, reunited with the loved ones I've lost.

I have lived life, and now I am weary of it- I am tired of it and want to rest. Were it up to me to have chosen for myself and not have been brought here against my will; I would gladly have decided never to have been born, period. And I will never subject a child to this horrible place; to condemn them to this corrupted and twisted world so they too can suffer would be cruel. I would feel guilty about that.

Though I am not actively looking for it, I will not shake with fear at the prospect of death. I will welcome it with open arms.