Regardless, I had already made up my mind that my original plan for Pipp the Poltergeist to take place before MYM Chapter 5 but afterThe Shadow and the Star May Not Continue (UPDATED) · 9:14pm Sep 4th, 2021
The performance of this story so far has been far below my projections. Four likes and three dislikes as of now...ouch. I wasn't expecting it to perform as well as Windigo Whisperer when it premiered, don't get me wrong, but reception isn't even on par with my first seriously written one-shot story, Stygian's Shadow: An Origin Story, from two years ago. Enthusiasm is so low, I haven't even received a single comment on the story yet about what people like or dislike about it...it's especially demoralizing considering that I had a professional writer give me feedback on what to improve that I did implement before I even posted the story.
It wasn't planned to be a long story, seven chapters that I'd reduce to five if reception was underwhelming, but this is...I don't even know what to say. I feel like I failed MayhemMoth and my followers here. Never thought that I'd have to even consider canceling this story. Even back when I was thinking about canceling plans for Windigo Whisperer, those were just plans, I had always intended to finish the story. This, I don't think I'll even continue this if enthusiasm doesn't pick up, really disheartened.
UPDATE: The story will continue now thanks to improving reception and much appreciated fan support, as I said in the author's note of the second chapter. I just don't want this blog misleading anyone now.
Ha! You tell me. At least you got good grammar. Me, I've got some likes, yeah, but it's been after a long time. You? You still have a big projection for you.
Many of those dislikes are just haters (most of the time), so I suggest you ignore them.
Besides, if someone does something it's because of the passion, not because of how it's received.
So, keep going. And one day, you'll see your story succeed.
I believe in you, mate!
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Thank you for the encouragement. I do know people who like the story, the only criticisms being voiced to me privately so far being things they've admitted to being subjective, like it being too dark. I don't see why they'd be reading stories tagged "Dark" then. I want to at least write five chapters for the people who do enjoy it, since I know that even well-written stories are not going to appeal to everyone. Thanks again.
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Anytime, mate.
Other then saying some people like the story. I find that (for me) what takes me away from reading it...if your curious...
(I blacked it out if you didn't want criticism)
Fyi...this all opinion so...ya.
I would say the story sound's cool. But, and this is unavoidable to say is...the summary does not sing. It just does not. It is essentially list of fact's that are not presented in a way that is as appealing as your other work? Consider if you will your other stories the concept and stories sell themselves and with your great writing you make the summary not just a tease but, a promise.
To expand upon my meaning so you think not me overly critical. Think of the element's of your story? How does this summary speak to reader's and get them to read?
Following the events of The Last Problem many years later, what begins as a tale of Twilight mourning the loss of her last friend to leave the mortal world becomes a story involving deep, inner conflict of two destinies in the cosmos. In a world where light and darkness can not exist without each other and the living become one with either the stars or the blackness in the sky upon their passing, one must wonder what happens when Twilight Sparkle's friends pass away from the world and meet King Sombra. As the two begin to question their destinies, they begin to wonder what would happen if their roles were reversed...
This has the essential information but, it is a summary not this critique. Their is also a wall of text before we get to the exciting, the thrilling, or strange?
You also have hurdle of those (like me and other's) who are just swayed by a great story. But, want to care about them...and with Sombra and a Twilight I don't know? You have to make me and other's care about your version event's.
Beyond these small hurdles is a great story. It just can be made better and yes this is subjective but, I would regardless think if your run critical eye over your summary you will see what I mean.
Some solution's if you want...
1. Read successful summary's that you like...look at many different ones to see what you could do to improve (literally what I did and do).
2. Condense the necessary information into say...a few lines...all those that tell the story in general sense but make people wanting more.
3. I will take a crack at it for reference.
1. Sombra rest's upon the star's.
2. Twilight is suprised by this.
3. They question after their destiny wondering if they are so different after all.
Now, before I continue what drew in was the potential for great character's here and what your showing is not what would sell that.
So...
Summary attempt one :
Dead
Dead
Dead
Dead
Dead
Dead
Six word's for six mares that laid to rest ,sleeping their eternity away out...there....
And as Twilight alicorn of friendship looked the star's that so, aided her, aided her in nightmares and bugbear's and small wound's and large. She thought faintly of destiny with eyes of red make staring balefully far far away...in the void.
Ok...not bad...but, I am not feeling it really.
Second attenpt
On the night of night's with star's blazing and dancing all her friend's sweetly dreaming away finally to their final rest. With only stone and the faces of guard's as her company. Her mind trailed into those same star's and the darkness that held them...
Where the soul of a King twisted wrapped and bound with darkness forever a witness to what he could never have...never...needed.
It was that odd mare from Canterlot ( some say Librarian) now princess that with the last of her friend's buried...wondering
Wondering...
What...if? And a par red eyes agreed...
So that was that hopefully this helpful and all that.
5577802
Thank you for the constructive feedback. You don't have to black out criticism, I always respect comments both good and bad, like I always say. The summary was difficult to write, since not only did it need that essential information, I had to give MayhemMoth the credit I promised her, and I didn't want it to get bloated. But I'll see what I can do, thank you for the suggestions.
Admittedly, I haven't read the 2nd chapter yet because I didn't even know it was up! I'll have to set aside some time tomorrow/within the next few days to do that, I'm still working on the last bits of my current stories' updates to focus on others.
As for advice... Finish it anyway. As nice as feedback is, it's not always going to be there by the first chapter, or even the second. Some people won't even read a story until it's finished, some people are busy(like me). Plus, the more you write, the more you improve, and that's always good!
But seriously, write because you want the story done for yourself, not for others.
Quick edit: Another thing that may help is me actually posting the cover art somewhere, that is if you don't mind. I'm on DeviantArt & Twitter (& Tumblr, but I don't count that) and I'm sure linking the story would help!
5579295
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and comment. You didn't have to, I do NOT look at people as obligated to give me feedback, and MUCH LESS do I take feedback for granted. I did get kind of spoiled with Windigo Whisperer getting far more attention than I hoped, but those record low views and ratings were a concern to me at the time for a good reason, I don't want to give people something they don't like, as always. I do write for me, but I also write for me for other people, like I've told you.
I'm not talking about writing for the kind of people who downvote stories purely based on premises they're not willing to give a chance or misconceptions they infer from a story's description or cover art, but I love writing for people who provide constructive criticism. I am grateful for that criticism of the story's summary, because I believe editing it to sound more enticing to the reader helped it get more views and upvotes. Heck, if I didn't listen to your constructive feedback and had just submitted the first chapter as it was...I'm sure the story would've performed even worse on its premiere day.
Even then though, I REALLY didn't want to have to cancel this story and I'm glad things are looking up more now. If you want to shout me out when you post the art, go ahead. I actually did have thoughts about that, thank you so much for offering.