Happy (Belated) Pride · 7:57am Jul 1st, 2021
Howdy. It's been a while.
I'm gonna preface this by saying I don't have any announcements or news or anything. As far as that front goes, I'm still working on the project I mentioned in the last blog. I'm always slow when it comes to writing porn so I'm not too surprised this is taking so long. No estimates yet, but it'll hopefully be done by the end of the year.
The reason I come to you all today, aside letting you know I haven't keeled over quite yet, is to wish you all a happy Pride Month.
Err, my clock just ticked past midnight, so I guess belated Pride Month? Yeah, sorry about that. I had intended to make this blog a lot earlier, but I also intended to whip up a new chapter of a story to release for Pride in conjunction with this blog, and that's not done yet soo.... here I am. Sorry y'all.
I wanted to talk about some Pride stuff here. I don't really have anything to say, truthfully. Just... a story I wanted to tell. Because I've been thinking about it, recently, and it's been bothering me. I think it might help me to get it off my chest. Real quick - I'm bi, but I'm not really knowledgeable when it comes to LGBT+ at large, so forgive me for any mistakes in my language or otherwise.
A couple years ago, when I was working at my old store, I had a transgender coworker. I didn't really know him well, as I didn't often work with or around him, but we got along and chatted occasionally.
Ah, side note - I live in basically the most conservative province in Canada. Luckily, I'm in a big city so people around here are a bit more accepting than elsewhere in the province, but you can very much feel the general rightward leanings. And in my store, a lot of the workers were older, several having been working there for 20-30 years.
As far as I understand it, my coworker (I guess we'll call him Kyle) had not yet legally changed his name, so he was legally hired under his dead name. Usually, this wouldn't be a problem. They'll print whatever you want on your badge, and he had his name on it.
Most people I saw didn't have much of an outward problem. Except for one person. One manager. Refused, unequivocally, to call him by his name. Constantly dead named him. Would give other employees his dead name. Paged it over the intercom. In fact, that's how I met Kyle - I had called aforementioned manager to request someone cover my break, and he told me to page for him. I didn't know the problem at that time, and called him with his deadname. When he showed up, there was a moment of disconnect about why someone with "Kyle" on their nametag responded, but he didn't say anything to me. Only realized what was happening the second time I met him.
This continued, and I asked Kyle about. I guess the manager had never been outwardly antagonistic to him, but simply refused to acknowledge his name. And, by extension, his identity. He expressed annoyance, but nothing more. It wasn't until later that I realized he was probably just used to it at this point, living where we do.
Anyway, the point of this story isn't really about that. There are many, many more qualified people to talk about the struggles trans people face. This is a story about me, and a regret I have that I hope other people can learn from.
I never once corrected the manager.
I feel the urge here to make excuses for myself. He was my boss, I was young, I was dealing with social anxiety. I could come up with any number of reasons. Maybe they're true. Maybe I was just too anxious to speak up. But the point is I should have. I should have said something. Every time that mane rejected or dismissed Kyle's identity I should have stepped up and said something. When I would call him to ask who was covering my break, and he gave Kyle's deadname, I should have corrected him.
I'm not so arrogant or naïve as to think it would have actually done anything. But that doesn't mean I can just ignore it. And I'm not talking about arguing with him, or making a scene like that. That wouldn't have been my place. I question if it would have been the right thing to do in front of Kyle either. But privately, when I was talking to me, about Kyle, I should have said something, I think. Perhaps the right thing would have also been to ask Kyle if he would have even wanted me to do so.
And hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe even just that would have been considered overstepping a boundary. But it bothers me that I didn't even try to do what I feel would have been the right thing to do. I think that's the reason why the LGBT+ community continues to grow and add more letters. Because we all need help in forcing society to see us, and to accept us. I am lucky to live in an age where I am able to be myself, lucky to be born to parents that accept who I am. But others aren't. Others who live in the same era, the same country as me, where I am, for the most part, accepted, and they still are not.
Like I said, I didn't really have much of a point to this story. It's just been in my mind, and I thought I'd share. I ran into Kyle, a little while ago. I'm not sure if he's gotten his name changed yet (it's a rather annoying process in Canada. You have to be fingerprinted) but he's working at a different store now, and I hope the people their recognize and respect him.
I don't have anything else. I'm sorry this blog was stupid and aimless, but hey, here you go. Anyway, I should be going I have things to write and stuff to do so... yeah.
Until next time,
Kodeake out
I'm posting this a year late, during Pride Month. How time flies!
Your blog is not stupid. It's like you said: you were young and made a mistake. Don't beat yourself up over it. Yeah, it would've been nice if you stood up for him. But, ultimately, the boss was the jerk here.
I'm both bi and trans (non-binary) and, unfortunately, didn't get very lucky in terms of accepting family. I'm still a minor but I'm hitting the ground running the moment I get into college. (Only a couple more years...) It doesn't help that trans people are marginalized in the community, and non-binary identities stigmatized within the trans communities.
Yes, you should've stood up for him. But it's not as easy as it sounds. And it sounds to me like you're doing a pretty good job of respecting trans identities. I hope Kyle's doing well now!
(I'm bad at talking to people lol)