Wonder Woman 1984 Spoiler Review · 3:54pm Apr 18th, 2021
Oooh, here she comes
Watch out boys, she'll chew you out
Oooh, here she comes
She's a maneater!
I'll be honest, I've replayed this song over and over, and it gave me far more joy than this movie did. I waited for over a year for this, and I was annoyed to hear it got delayed back in 2020. But when I heard they were nearly done with it, I was excited. I wanted to see it, despite all of the shit we've been through, I was hoping this would at least give me something good to look forward to.
No. No this didn't bring me joy. It gave me BOREDOM. I was more excited for Season 2 of the Mandalorian which had far more substance than this movie, how freaking... you know what, let's just get into it. It's Wonder Woman 1984. By the way, if you don't want any spoilers, I suggest you stop reading now. I'm going into spoiler territory.
Wonder Woman 1984 takes place in, well, 1984, duh. She's still undercover in the public eye, and is now working in a museum, analyzing artifacts of the past. However, she soon comes into contact with a wishing rock that of course, grants wishes. Once it comes into contact with a power-hungry Maxwell Lord, Wonder Woman will need to step up and put a stop to him once and for all.
Like I said, I was excited for this movie. I wanted to see more of Gal Godot's Wonder Woman and more of Chris Pine's Steve Trevor. Little would I know that things would only raise so many alarms, questions, and uncomfortable implications. But before I rip this a new one, let me get into what does work.
Just like the first Wonder Woman, the actors do a solid job portraying the roles that they're given. Gal Godot nails it as Wonder Woman once again (aside from one scene we'll get into much later), and Chris Pine also does a solid job portraying Steve Trevor again. While the way they meet is still 100% questionable and downright insane, it is nice to watch them interact again... for a while.
I will also admit, another standout actor is Kristen Wigg as Cheetah. And honestly... I was into her! I wanted to see more of her, and you know what, it kinda annoys me that we don't see more of her.
I don't know if I'm the only one who wanted to see more of her, but I honestly found her more engaging than freakin' Maxwell Lord. Maybe it's cause she's got more closeness to Diana, maybe it's cause it's interesting to see Kristen Wigg playing a villain... or maybe it's cause I was more invested in her than anything else, I don't know.
And speaking of Cheetah, despite how short and honestly wish it was done better, the fight with Cheetah and Wonder Woman nearing the climax was kind of fun, and again, it only reinforces more why I wish she was in the movie more than Maxwell Lord. Hell, just kick Maxwell entirely, just keep it to one antagonist, we've got enough chaos with the damn rock.
And... that's it. That's all I got. Music and cinematography are okay, I guess. Now let me get into everything I had issues with, cause there's a lot to go over.
Let me just get the first problem; the wishing rock. The stupid, insane, freaking, wishing rock. I hate this. I hate that this is a plot. Why was this the main plot. And worse, this is how Steve Trevor is brought back, by a wish. And you know something else? He doesn't come back ala manifesting in front of Diana, or maybe like a bunch of ash reforming together like an undoing of Thanos' snap... he comes back, possessing an innocent man's body, who has no control over himself, and is taken over by Steve.
Oh and they have sex. ... Wonder Woman... had sex... with a man... who had no control. Of his body. Wonder Woman now looks like a potential sex offender. And don't give me that bullshit on how men can't be assaulted. Anyone can be assaulted, and it's extremely likely that the possessed man just got assaulted. And before anyone asks, no, we don't find out if he actually liked banging her or not. So we're just left with the knowledge that Wonder Woman has committed a horrible crime. Thanks. Thanks DC. Great. Bad enough we have Batman kill people, Superman looking like he gives zero shits about the people he saves, and now we have Wonder Woman who should have a sex offender charge.
Hell, the awkward implications don't end there! Cheetah, one of our antagonists earlier in the movie nearly gets assaulted by a drunk guy and is saved by Wonder Woman. Later she makes a wish to be just like Diana, and that comes back and shows that she's getting stronger. She even runs into that guy again, and kicks his ass to the curb... and yet, the score and the cinematography paint her as a bad guy. Okay yes, she's about to do bad things later on in the movie, but here? ... This is not bad. Why are you painting her as the bad guy for kicking the creeper who was probably about to rape her or do something worse with her? It's probably not legal with how hard she pummeled his ass, but what else was she supposed to do!? I'd be okay if we were showing her doing good acts that eventually spin out of control and lead her to becoming the villain, but we barely get any of that! Instead we just have this one scene where she stands up to someone who was about to do something horrible to her, and she's painted as a villain.
And let's get back to the wishing rock for a second, okay? In the climax of the movie, Maxwell starts granting wishes to EVERYONE in the entire world. Everyone gets to wish for whatever greedy desire they want, and a lot of them involve some serious stuff that should result in the entire world being set on fire. You'd think someone at some-point would wish for them to have Maxwell's power, or take his place, or take over the world, or whatnot. But no. That doesn't happen even though it kinda should, we got a lot of psychos in the world. And I'm sorry, when you have Wonder Woman tell everyone to basically revoke their wish to make the world a better place... that's a lot to buy, movie. You're seriously telling me everyone would actually be willing to give up their wishes? Yeah, no. You know how many people are messed up? There are some who would probably never give up their wish if it got granted, so this doesn't work. And don't tell me I'm thinking too much about this, when you throw in the plot-line of the villain granting everyone's wish... you're opening up a lot of doors to insanity.
Not to mention--how many of you actually bought this was going to stay permanent. We know this wasn't going to be a permanent thing, we knew it was going to be undone. We know it's going to be fixed at the end. Cause this is again, a movie in the past. It's like Solo or that upcoming Black Widow movie, we know they're going to be fine. We know they're going to make it out at the end. So just don't. 
Actually, let's talk about Maxwell Lord for a second... 
Look, I'm not a comic-reader. I know nothing about him in the comics, I don't know how accurate he is to the source material, but I just DO. NOT. CARE. I did not find him entertaining, I did not find him compelling, and I just didn't care at all for his character. I'll give him points for having some slightly okay motivation with the kid angle, but again, I don't care. I'm already trying to get my head to wrap around all the other nonsense in this movie.
The jokes... whatever jokes existed, I did not laugh. At all. I only laughed at once scene, and it was just watching Steve Trevor trying on wacky 80s outfits, that is the only thing that got me to laugh cause the outfits themselves are insane. There, you're getting me to say it. The outfits are insane. The 80s are insane, fine, I'm saying it.
God, what else sucks besides almost everything? What else, what else... Nope, I got nothing else.
Actually, no, last thoughts. The 80s have no point here. Now, upon looking in the DVD extras, and looking up some info regarding the movie, I did find out one reason they had it set here, and it was because the original Wonder Woman actress, Lynda Carter, plays a small cameo and is hinted at during a point in the film; despite the fact her show was in the friggin' 70s. But whatever, sure, there is that... but unless you knew this, it still wouldn't make any sense. Hell, even trying to think about 1984, the book, and if the movie took inspiration from that... maybe it did, I don't know, the movie is so dull. I was hoping at the very least, I would have a blast hearing some fun music, no, we get one song. Not even a memorable one. I'm all for obscure songs getting attention, but seriously, I completely forgot it. Honestly, I think you could have set this movie in the 90s or the early 2000s, and I guarantee you... NOTHING would be different. Nothing would change.
At least in other shows/pieces of media, having it in the 80s had a point. Stranger Things was set in the 80s, but it had so much more; it had bits of nostalgia mixed in with a Stephen King-like horror and mystery to it, and it kept you engaged. Bumblebee was also set in the 80s, and that had a point as well; it was harking back to it's original roots and giving a more simple, sweeter, and engaging story that also had the looks and tones of the original cartoon at times. In this movie? Nada. There doesn't feel like a point. Honestly, if anything it kinda made me mad cause we get to see a mall a few times... and it only made me mad because I can't go to one. Stop reminding me of things I'd rather be doing. 
Patty Jenkins... I had faith in you. You made the first Wonder Woman movie amazing, I had faith in you! what happened here? What was going on in your brain to conjure this up, or is it the writing team's fault for this? I gotta know! Cause quite frankly, if you're still gonna make that Star Wars project, the Rogue Squadron or whatever... I'm not excited anymore.
A pandemic delay... for this. This wasn't worth it. This should have been delayed and worked on more, because clearly there were decisions that were not thought through. I do not know what the writers were trying to do anymore, and frankly, I've lost all care. Maybe in the future I'll find something to like, but you know what, it's hard to enjoy or have fun with all of those things in the back of your head. I swear to god, I hope Ghostbusters' delay was actually worth waiting for, because this movie was not worth the wait. Horrid implications, dull story, too many questions and not enough answers, there is just too much to buy. If this movie was just a simple Wonder Woman vs supervillain Cheetah, I'd honestly be fine with that! I'd settle for a simple villain instead of this convoluted wishing rock story!
The final verdict for Wonder Woman 1984 is a 4 out of 10. It would have been lower, but the CGI and special effects are still decent, and there are one or two decent things here and there... but this movie is just awful. I will not understand how we got this. Don't waste your time guys, there's other things worth watching. Just stick with the 2017 Wonder Woman.
Ughhh.. what can I end this with? ... Oooh here's a fun question. Which is a worse Wonder Woman;
A: Potential sex offender Wonder Woman?
or
B: Wonder Woman acting like a member of The Seven instead of Wonder Woman from the 2012 pilot? You just know that Wonder Woman would fit in with Homelander's psychoticness.
Anyways, I do hope all of you have a decent day, and see ya soon!
She's a maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard, make you want all of her love
She's a maneater, make you buy cars
Make you cut cards, wish you never ever met her at all
Really good review Four. I haven't seen it yet but I am told it's not the best.
*cracks knuckles*
There are very few movies that make me legitimately angry when I think about them. This has the “honored” distinction of being one of those few.
Do I need to say anything more about Wonder Woman being a rapist now? Does anyone in their right mind need to say anything more? At least the DCEU’s Batman and Superman have some good-but-poorly executed ideas behind them, but there’s no way to justify this. And Patty Jenkins has tried, at least as far as retweets go. So there’s more faith in her blown sky high.
I can sort of let the wishing stone concept pass because honestly that sort of thing happens all the time in comics. Doesn’t save the story though.
Max Lord...okay, he was honestly the one thing in this movie I actually liked. It was nice to have a DC movie villain who isn’t really a bad guy and can actually be reasoned with in the end. Actually, here’s an idea; remove all the Wonder Woman stuff and have the movie be an original story about a misguided businessman getting godlike powers and trying to swing things his way only to realize how much damage he’s really doing. It may not be a great movie, but it would have been better than this, and I’d have had more investment in it than the Cats knockoff.
Speaking of which, let’s be honest with ourselves: Cheetah is a blatant rip-off of Selina Kyle from Batman Returns. Blonde shy lady with glasses who morphs into a cat themed supervillain. Except Catwoman did it better. Natch.
The only reason I can think of why this movie was set in the 80’s was for the Cold War nuke stuff that just shows up. At least Superman IV, misguided as it was, made it an overarching theme.
Also can we talk about how all the Arab characters are depicted as warlords, terrorists, or impoverished? Oof.
And, uh...yeah, that’s it. This movie’s horrible. 1/10 and that’s being merciful. Too merciful.
Yeah... that plot development with Steve is just... yikes. It never fails to amaze me / disturb me that the implications of Steve Trevor's resurrection were never thought through or called out by anyone, at any point, in the making of this movie. That nobody ever stood up or said, "Is this really a good idea?" or "Wait a minute, is this *really* our best foot forward?" The mind boggles.