Epic Rap Battles of Equestria: Pharynx Elytron v.s Venom Stinger · 9:19pm Mar 23rd, 2021

“Okay, so do you both understand the rules?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, mom.”

“No sass mister. Okay, ready?”

“You’re going down, Elytron.”

“That’s what you think, Stinger.”

“Epic Rap Battles of Equestria! Venom Stinger v.s. Pharynx Elytron! Begin!”

Listen up, Ven, who you think you’re dealing with?
I could beat you under the rug, that’s no myth
I’m smarter and stronger and just all around better
Might wanna cover your flank, because it’s about to get wetter

Your words are all the same while my every line varies
I’m spittin’ mad rhymes, you’re only spittin’ blue raspberries
Just face it, you got no chance!
I could beat you in anything from rhymes to dance!

See, once again you’re wrong, candy bug
I know how to rhyme, I’m not a thug
And if that doesn’t work I’ll just bring out the insults
Then everyone will get to see positive results

My words will hit you so fast and so hard
You’ll gasp for air and be left scarred
Enough talk, time to get down and dirty
I don’t care if I’m fifteen and you’re thirty

Alright, time for me to shut you down
Don’t forget which of us here wears a crown
It’s not just for show, as I’m sure you know
I don’t care if you claim to be good, it’s just a show

I can do better at anything than you
That’s the truth, don’t even try to argue
Also, come on Venom, you know I’m not that old
Now, it’s time for me to bring in rap gold

Could’ve fooled me, you act like you’re thirty
Stomping around, yelling and hurting
Talking about the Old Days like they’re so far back
Give us a break and throw away that dumb sack

The “Old Days” are gone, finished, forever!
You can thank your brother for bringing everyling together
You may wear those antlers as a mark of royalty
But in my opinion they just give you a false sense of security

What’s that supposed to mean, Sting?
Don’t forget I’m not my brother the idiot king
I can fight, I can defend
And for my kingdom I’ll stand

If that means taking a page or two from the Old Day’s book
I don’t see how it’s bad, unlike your looks
So tell me, Venom, how exactly am I “false” in any way?
You know I could beat you any day

You swagger around like you’re on top of the world
Seeing you strut makes me want to hurl
You act like nothing can harm you if it tried
I guess you’re right, they’d probably curl up and die

You have a crown but not much is underneath
So put that word-sword back in it’s sheath
As Chrysalis showed us with your little unicorn friend
Every ruler’s greedy reign must come to an end

Okay, now you’re just getting under my chitin
I’m done fooling around, it’s time to win
You must be more stupid than you seem
Thinking you can win, talk about a dream

Your rhymes are pathetic, it’s time to give up
I’m sure Scorch is waiting nearby with your sippy cup
I’d find better grammar from a dictionary
Just back down, you’re not that scary

Oh, I’m not the one dreaming, I’ll prove that
You could probably lose a rap battle against an alley cat
And grammar? Please, I’m surprised you know what it means
I bet you can’t even spell “dictionary” you washed-up marine

And while we’re on that topic, let’s discuss
How come whenever there’s a patrol you make a fuss?
You call them worthless and say they can’t do a thing
But if that’s the case why’d you hire those lings?

Believe it or not they were the best I could find
Yeah, I know, that’d blow your mind
And an army can’t just be a single bug’s job
As much as I hate it I need that incompetent mob

And you know very well I’m not a marine
I’m a soldier and you won’t believe what I’ve seen
I’ve got trauma of battles past fought,
And that’s more than you can say you’ve got

Oh, so you’re proud of your PTSD
Funny, could have sworn it’s brought you down to your knees
You really are just like everyone says
A drunk old veteran only concerned with what’s his

Speaking of, do I need to bring up your insecurities?
With the way you cry about nightmares I question your maturity
Let’s not forget those nights I see you leaving your room
To go cuddle with your brother, yeah, you’re all doom and gloom

If you want respect you’re gonna have to earn it
But so far logic shows you might as well quit
You’re just a sensitive, stumbling veteran
So give in and let me win

Not a chance, especially not now
You’ve crossed a line, somehow
No one calls me sensitive and no one calls me a drunk
Now you’ve done it and you’re sunk

You’re not so great yourself you know
You’re immature, everything always has to be the Venom Show
You whine when you don’t get what you want
And whenever something happens you just have to taunt

I don’t do that all the time and you know it
Back off unless you wanna get hit

You started it, you crossed a line
I swear, if you spout one more rhyme
I’ll tie you up and break your mind
Make you wish you were blind

Oh, so that’s your out?
Torturing me, what’s that about?
I knew you were crazy but this is a first
You’re taking a turn for the worst

Or so you think, but I didn’t hear you say
That maybe I’ve just always been this way
You may have walked the path you’ve chosen
But me? Well, I was born broken

“Alright, I think that’s far enough-”

One final verse, let’s make the final decision
I’ll go first, since I didn’t cause that division
Pharynx, you’re a jerk and an insecure brat
I knew that right off the bat

From the moment we met it was clear to see
You’re rude to everyone, not just me
The hive doesn’t need a drunk, gruff veteran like you
So I think it’s clear you’re through

Yeah, well, you’re not so great!
Clearly you’re gonna have to wait
If you want to do something to make your siblings proud
You’re just gonna have to step up from the crowd

But I don’t think that’s ever gonna happen
After all, you’re more likely to be caught nappin’
And yeah, I know that verse is weak
I’ve already said everything I needed to speak

“I’m done, that was the last straw.”

“You broke my last straw a while ago and I haven’t killed you yet, I think you’ll survive.”

“Alright, that’s enough. Pharynx, go to your room, Ven, go do something with your siblings.”

“You can’t tell us what to-”

“Go!”

“Gah! Okay, okay, we’re going!”

“So, uh, who do you think won?”

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