First five Feathered Heart edited chapters ready · 1:15am Feb 18th, 2021
They're heavily edited and expanded as promised, but unfortunately, I am denied permission to post them to Fimfiction since they're not total rewrites. They're 60-80% different in terms of text, depending on the chapter, but that's not enough according to the mods.
So what I'm going to do is this: I'm going to create some original content to insert between the existing chapters, much like the bonus chapters I made for Turnabout Storm to fill in some gaps of the story. Those are legal, so those I will post into a new story that will eventually end up being the continuation, linking the edited chapters which will be found here:
It's view-only permission on the files, because I worry that if I allowed comments, it would quickly get very cluttered and hard to read. So if you wish to comment on them, please do so on this blog post, as I am very curious to know what readers think of them. As to what I changed...?
- Ranks are now much more in line with the griffon military in the Firefly series.
- Gilda's initial promotion is not as sharp--I can't justify jumping her all the way to sub-Tribune, which would take her from basically nothing to commanding a cohort (~500 griffons). So I give her a starting rank of Decanus, basically putting her in charge of a squad, which seems reasonable for her time in the griffon military, and then jump her two ranks to Decurion. That's not to say additional battlefield promotions can't follow...
- There's a lot more references now to the pony/griffon war and a lot of additional lore added regarding various races of Tellus we didn't know about back in 2012, including at least one of my own invention. Some of the lore is from the show, others are from either my personal canon or other Gentlemanverse canon, including that of AJ_Aficionado (the Caleponians) and Denim_Blue (Changelings).
- Certain references are updated to more topical items for modern times.
- Dialog is rearranged in places, and much more explanation is given to certain things, such as why Gilda was promoted following her attack on Marco.
- There's a fair amount of foreshadowing of what I'm planning to do in the continuation.
I emphasize that I am not rewriting the story. I respect DEL way too much for that. I'm just trying to give it an upgrade, calling on the nine extra years of acquired writing skill, MLP episodes, fanfiction and story canon/headcanon that I/we have gained in the meantime. What I did to it was basically along the lines of what I did to Turnabout Storm; heavily expanding and editing it while leaving the basic storyline and all the major plot points intact. Does that mean I'm going to do here what I did there, and add an additional romance angle to it? Maybe...
In any event, please check it out and let me know what you think. If folks like what I've done, I'll certainly continue the effort, and I'll let everyone know via blog post when I add additional edited chapters to the folder, as well as when the new story with bonus content is ready to launch. These five chapters are the product of about a month of work, so feedback would certainly be appreciated.
Excellent. It'll be fun to see how Feathered Heart 2nd Ed is.
My Caleponian Earth Ponies are in there too.
Those chapters look pretty polished if I do say so myself.
To be very clear, this is intended as a compliment.
Having not re-read the unfinished Feathered Heart in a few years, at first glance, and with the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia, I would have thought I was giving a story I loved another read.
I am certain that if I went back to the source and compared the two directly, I would spot what I imagine are a great deal of clean up, some terminology changes, and additions.
Very well done good sir.
Wonderful!
Mk.2 is rolling off the shelves and looking shiny!
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I hope very much it's to your liking! I appreciate you reading and commenting so quickly. I'll respond to your later comment shortly.
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Indeed they are. The whole concept was too good not to incorporate, not just here but elsewhere in the various verses.
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Appreciate it! And thanks for your prereading help and all the comments you left.
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Not to worry. I've never heard anything from you I'd consider unduly harsh or insulting. You're the kind of reader who I enjoy seeing notifications of new comments from.
I don't mind that at all. That means my changes do not affect the spirit of the story or why people loved them originally.
Indeed you would. I actually asked AJ_Aficionado to read the earlier version of one of the more rewritten chapters so he'd understand what I changed and why. He did so, and as a result, he was able to give much better feedback.
Thank you as well, good sir.
More will follow in due course!